Guardianship

[themoneytree]

Jan 14, 2015 19:24:37 GMT -5 trafficgirl said:

themoneytree - can the trustee and the guardian not be the same person? Or is that a bad idea?

I'm getting confused.

Well I think they could be but it probably complicates things with them being overseas?

Also they need to be good with money, very trustworthy (which of course they are!) and able to handle any difficulties with overseas grandparental visits, give out money as needed, etc.
I'm not 100% sure that it's a good idea to mix the two positions, but clearly I'm not expert! ; )

[trafficgirl]

Jan 14, 2015 19:30:38 GMT -5 themoneytree said:

Jan 14, 2015 19:24:37 GMT -5 trafficgirl said:

themoneytree - can the trustee and the guardian not be the same person? Or is that a bad idea?

I'm getting confused.

Well I think they could be but it probably complicates things with them being overseas?

Also they need to be good with money, very trustworthy (which of course they are!) and able to handle any difficulties with overseas grandparental visits, give out money as needed, etc.
I'm not 100% sure that it's a good idea to mix the two positions, but clearly I'm not expert! ; )

I forgot about the overseas bit. Yeah, that makes things more complicated for sure.

All I got is Good Luck!

[noodleskooze]

None of our family members were suitable, in our opinion, for various reasons. We chose my college roommate (who is also one of my closest friends) and he husband. They are around our age, they have similar parenting styles and values, and we truly believe they would raise him well and keep him in contact with our families.

We waited far too long to choose. It's just something you don't want to think about. But we're going on our first away trip together since we've had him, so it needed to be done (for him and for our peace of mind).

[auntie]

Jan 14, 2015 19:22:41 GMT -5 themoneytree said:

So now we just need to designate a backup guardian and a trustee. The trustee seems super hard as well because they control all the money and can help make visitation decisions, etc. It's a powerful position and it's really hard to pick for that too.
He's drawing it up now so we need to make some more decisions.

You can make stipulations around how the money is invested and also what sorts of expenses you expect to be covered. 

In our will, we made provisions for the sorts of investment vehicles for the trust's assets, also that we were OK with monies being dispersed to keep DS and guardian in our home and to provide respite for the guardian to travel etc.

[themoneytree]

Jan 14, 2015 19:38:58 GMT -5 auntie said:

Jan 14, 2015 19:22:41 GMT -5 themoneytree said:

So now we just need to designate a backup guardian and a trustee. The trustee seems super hard as well because they control all the money and can help make visitation decisions, etc. It's a powerful position and it's really hard to pick for that too.
He's drawing it up now so we need to make some more decisions.

You can make stipulations around how the money is invested and also what sorts of expenses you expect to be covered. 

In our will, we made provisions for the sorts of investment vehicles for the trust's assets, also that we were OK with monies being dispersed to keep DS and guardian in our home and to provide respite for the guardian to travel etc.

Are your guardian and your trustee the same person?

[Captain Serious]

Jan 14, 2015 19:38:58 GMT -5 auntie said:

Jan 14, 2015 19:22:41 GMT -5 themoneytree said:

So now we just need to designate a backup guardian and a trustee. The trustee seems super hard as well because they control all the money and can help make visitation decisions, etc. It's a powerful position and it's really hard to pick for that too.
He's drawing it up now so we need to make some more decisions.

You can make stipulations around how the money is invested and also what sorts of expenses you expect to be covered. 

In our will, we made provisions for the sorts of investment vehicles for the trust's assets, also that we were OK with monies being dispersed to keep DS and guardian in our home and to provide respite for the guardian to travel etc.

I think we will do this in the next variation of our will.  Without knowing the extent of our boys' special needs, our attorney kept cautioning us against trying to parent from beyond the grave.  As it becomes more evident that M, at least, will need finaicial/medical supervision even as an adult, we are leaning much more towards structuring payments and acceptable uses to make sure he's well taken care of.  I plan to see an estate planner who specializes in special needs after we are settled in our new home.

[UnderProtest]

We chose a trustee different from the guardians just to keep some semblance of checks and balances. We did make a note that the money could be used to purchase a new and larger home as adding our two kids to their three kids would necessitate a larger house.

[auntie]

Jan 14, 2015 19:44:04 GMT -5 themoneytree said:

Jan 14, 2015 19:38:58 GMT -5 auntie said:

Are your guardian and your trustee the same person?

No. The estate attorney suggested splitting it. If the estate is large or complex, it's usually better to splite it. Splitting is a good idea if your guardian is better at child care than financial literacy.

Plus, it allows each person to focus on their task at a time when they may be grieving while trying to deal with kids whose world has been rocked. The days after my sister died were tough because the one kid wouldn't let my parents out of her sight which made working full time and trying to settle an estate challenging.

Before my one set of nieces (DH's older brother's kids) aged out, DH and I were their guardian as per their parents will. The trustee was my SIL's older sister. 

The guardian is DS's cousin. The trustee is my accountant (who is also my cousin).

[auntie]

Jan 15, 2015 0:15:28 GMT -5 Captain Serious said:

Jan 14, 2015 19:38:58 GMT -5 auntie said:

I think we will do this in the next variation of our will.  Without knowing the extent of our boys' special needs, our attorney kept cautioning us against trying to parent from beyond the grave.  As it becomes more evident that M, at least, will need finaicial/medical supervision even as an adult, we are leaning much more towards structuring payments and acceptable uses to make sure he's well taken care of.  I plan to see an estate planner who specializes in special needs after we are settled in our new home.

You want to see someone who is really good with a Special Needs Trust.

You want to structure your Trust so that is specifically doesn't interfere with qualifying for governmental assistance should M need SSI, housing assistance and/or Medicaid as an adult. If you don't do this; those monies will be spent down to almost zero before he qualifies. The money would be there for "extras". You could also look into setting up an account via the ABLE Act. 

[CloudBee]

The guardian and trustee shouldn't be the same person, and I'm pretty sure most attorneys would pretty much put their foot down on such.

We went a little more distant with trustees, choosing cousins who we don't deal with on a daily basis, but value their financial and educational stance.

I can't remember how old DS will be when he has full power over his trust. 25, I think? Anyway, our primary trustee is my 1st cousin. I don't see her often, and we go in spurts with regard to chatting on the phone and emailing. But, she's a trust fund baby, and understands the ins and outs of requesting funds, how to best make payment (say, directly to a school), etc. She will always have a positive presence in my life, and we could count on the other if need be. I also relayed my thoughts about how I don't want a check cut upon request for big ticket items if she doesn't deem them appropriate. (Once DS is old enough/of age to submit his own requests.) We want him to pave a way for himself after college vs. being given money to buy a house right off the bat.

So think about who will be in your life forever (again, close friends or cousins), has a view that aligns with you when it comes to education and finances. Make sure this person will get along well with your chosen guardian, and that their values pretty much line up with theirs, too. Keep in mind there will be a good bit of interaction between the two. Ongoing!

For us, I don't see any tension between our guardian/trustee. I know in my heart it would be a very positive relationship. And the trustee should be there to support the guardian in decision making. So think about their interactions in your absence, putting that possibly above who your gut initially says to choose. (Picking someone who will work well with the guardian.)

In the end, you can always choose a bank to be the trustee. The cousin mentioned above lived off of a fund that was managed by a bank. The requests were more formalized. I think requests had to go through a small board who met on a set weekly or monthly schedule. They weren't overnight decisions. But it worked.

[trissie18]

Jan 14, 2015 16:21:02 GMT -5 auntie said:

I purposely chose someone other than a grandparent.

Same here. My mother specifically told us they didn't want to be named guardians. The are both young and healthy but it would still be a lot to ask. ILs are older than my parents by almost 10 years and both always seem to have ongoing health issues (not to mention FILs drinking problem that no one wants to address) so no way would we pick them.

Of our siblings we ended up choosing BIL as sole guardian (our lawyer recommended not including SIL in case they divorced) because he would be the most likely to raise the boys with our same values, etc. I didn't think this had been a secret but MIL acted surprised when this was brought up in conversation last week. We did include a provision that my parents must be allowed to keep contact god forbid there was ever any ill will between the families.

[Captain Serious]

Jan 15, 2015 6:32:23 GMT -5 auntie said:

Jan 15, 2015 0:15:28 GMT -5 Captain Serious said:

I think we will do this in the next variation of our will.  Without knowing the extent of our boys' special needs, our attorney kept cautioning us against trying to parent from beyond the grave.  As it becomes more evident that M, at least, will need finaicial/medical supervision even as an adult, we are leaning much more towards structuring payments and acceptable uses to make sure he's well taken care of.  I plan to see an estate planner who specializes in special needs after we are settled in our new home.

You want to see someone who is really good with a Special Needs Trust.

You want to structure your Trust so that is specifically doesn't interfere with qualifying for governmental assistance should M need SSI, housing assistance and/or Medicaid as an adult. If you don't do this; those monies will be spent down to almost zero before he qualifies. The money would be there for "extras". You could also look into setting up an account via the ABLE Act. 

Yes, thank you.  It's good to have a specific list of things I know I need to protect.