Super whine re: baby shower

[catbus]

Cliffs Notes version: Baby shower was yesterday. Friend host was awesome and did everything in her power to make things go smoothly. Mom thought it started an hour later than it did, despite agreeing to a time and proofing the invitation before it went out. Big problem since shower was at her house. Dad didn't give us anything, not even a card, because he apparently didn't realize that's de rigueur for a shower. Mom also emailed out our "registry" to a few people who asked, except it was actually my personal Amazon wish list. I feel like crap for being bitter about it all.

Full version: So, I feel like a giant brat for feeling the way I do, but I'm going to whine about it anyway. Our (co-ed) baby shower was yesterday. It was hosted by a close friend and my mom, jointly, and friends and family were invited. My friend did most of the planning and sent invitations, but the shower was at my mom and stepfather's house.

My mom's always been disorganized, scatterbrained, and over-ambitious (a dangerous combination), so I had a feeling from the start that things could go south, but my friend is very organized and good at reining people in, so I was hopeful. She got my mom to commit to a date and time (no easy task) and a general plan of attack. Invitations went out 3+ weeks ahead of time, which was perfect.

First sign the shower might go downhill: mom wanted to take care of dessert, so friend suggested berry shortcakes or mini cupcakes. My mom decided she was going to do shortcakes, cream puffs, mini cupcakes, cookies, and pie. No joke. Friend attempted to talk her down, and then when mom mentioned this to me I made my attempt. Thought I had convinced her, but then she posted something cryptic on Facebook about going to a cake-decorating supply place. Sigh.

Then my dad called me last week and said something about how he'd see me Saturday. "Sunday," I said. "No, your mom said it's Saturday," he replied. "Uh, it's definitely Sunday... that's what we all agreed to and that's what the invitations say." Turns out she did know it was Sunday, but misspoke when she told him. :S

So then... the shower was supposed to start at 1:00 yesterday. H and I showed up around 12:30, and nothing was close to being done. We jumped in to help. My friend looked completely frazzled, because she thought my mom would be much further along with things, especially since she told friend not to show up any earlier than noon. My little sister called to verify the start time of the shower, and I heard my mom tell her 2:00. I told her that no, it was supposed to start at 1. By this point I wanted to cry because it was about 12:50 and things are a disaster. Meanwhile, my sister got upset with my mom, because she says mom told her it started at 5 (mom swears otherwise, but at this point I have no faith in her memory). People start showing up very soon after, of course.

We got everything decently pulled together and the shower itself was pretty decent. Basically nothing was bought from our registry, but I figured that would happen. None of H's local family showed up (or RSVPed, apparently...), which was disappointing, but typical for them.

Then my dad suddenly had to leave right as we were about to open presents. Turns out (and this is where I sound really bratty) he didn't get us a gift at all. My mom told me later that when he showed up he saw the gift from her and my stepdad and commented that he didn't think he was supposed to give us anything. For some reason this hurt me, even though it shouldn't.

I tried to let everything roll off my back all afternoon, and thought I was OK, but when we went to bed last night I suddenly got really sad and just started crying. That upset me more, because I feel completely petty for letting these things get me down. I ended up kind of wishing the shower had been friends only, since it was only my family that made me feel crappy. So yeah, woe is me.

And I know, we're lucky we were thrown a shower. I really tried to remember that yesterday. Feel free to share your own crappy shower stories, if you have any. Misery loves company!

[catbus]

Oh, and regarding our registry: After everyone else had left, my mom made some comment about how the registry (on Amazon) was kind of weird, especially the hands-free pumping bra. I told her I didn't have any pumping bra on the registry at all, and asked if she'd been looking at my Amazon wish list instead. Yeah, she totally had, and she'd sent the link to a couple family members who'd asked. My wish list has nine items on it, including a pumping bra, a few art books (not baby-related), and a couple board games. So those relatives now probably think I'm very strange; no wonder they didn't shop from the registry.

[Deleted]

I'm sorry catbus. Can you return the nobregistry items for store credit?

[catbus]

Aug 6, 2012 11:56:32 GMT -5 @savestheday said:

I'm sorry catbus. Can you return the nobregistry items for store credit?

Probably, but we didn't get anything bad. Nothing we really needed, but nothing I'm opposed to or that we won't use, so that part actually didn't bother me too much. I was mostly just hurt that my own mom, who asked to be part of throwing the shower, apparently couldn't be bothered to convey accurate information to people or be prepared for the correct start time.

[pugz]

I would have been stressed by all of that but i am very type A. Your mom sounds very scatterbrained

[catbus]

Aug 6, 2012 12:24:57 GMT -5 pugz said:

I would have been stressed by all of that but i am very type A. Your mom sounds very scatterbrained

Thank you.
She is. I used to think it would get better once her life simplified a little... but us three kids are adults now, and she's officially retired, yet the behavior is just getting worse. I've always known she has adult ADD, but I was actually reading up on early-onset Alzheimer's last night because I'm starting to legitimately worry about her. She gets very defensive if anyone brings up her disorganized tendencies, even in the most delicate manner.

Aug 6, 2012 12:37:20 GMT -5 mishy said:

Didn't your dad and sister get invitations? In any case, I'm sorry that your shower was tainted by your mom's lack of organization/planning, and that your dad didn't get you anything. Is this the only baby shower he's ever been to? I understand being hurt by him not thinking to get you anything, but it's possible he just didn't know for the shower, or didn't know in general that gifts for a new baby are common (whether there was a shower or not). I know that it's still hurtful though. Oh, and I can't believe your mom sent out your personal wish list!

Thanks. Dad and sis were both on the invite list I sent to my friend, but my mom apparently told her not to bother sending them (or my grandma) invitations, and that she'd communicate the info to them. Obviously that went off without a hitch...
The thing with my dad wouldn't have bothered me much if I hadn't already been stressed. I know he's probably just clueless about what's normal for showers.

[nonsenseabound]

I bet your dad feels terrible and he surprises you with something soon. I know that I would feel bad if I didn't know that a shower was protocol for gifts.

Your mom would drive me batty. I know it's hard, but I've taken to giving my MIL (who is similar in many ways) nonessential jobs and I always have a back up in case of a problem. Sorry that you went through all the unnecessary stress.

[noodleoo]

I'm sorry, that does sound like a disaster. I just want to put it out there: if you know your mom is like this, you need to stop expecting different results when she tries to do these types of things. In a perfect world, she'd be able to get it together for something this important, but realistically, it doesn't sounds like she's capable of it.

As for the dad thing: it would never occur to my dad to get me a wedding/shower present. That's just not something that is on his radar. My mom gave us a wedding gift. Honestly, if you hadn't had a couples shower, would your dad have even been invited?

Sorry you had a rough day! Hopefully there were enough good moments that you can focus on those and try to forget the rough parts.

[Deleted]

I'm sorry you had a less than ideal shower. I bet your dad didn't realize showers meant gifts if he hasn't been to any before.

So how much dessert was there?

[catbus]

Aug 6, 2012 13:16:32 GMT -5 @notquiteblushing said:

So how much dessert was there?

LOL. Way too much! A cherry pie, berry shortcake, cookies, four dozen mini chocolate cupcakes, and a candy bowl. For about 18 people. There were way too many things left over.

[Deleted]

Aug 6, 2012 13:31:14 GMT -5 catbus said:

Aug 6, 2012 13:16:32 GMT -5 @notquiteblushing said:

So how much dessert was there?

LOL. Way too much! A cherry pie, berry shortcake, cookies, four dozen mini chocolate cupcakes, and a candy bowl. For about 18 people. There were way too many things left over.

Ha! Your mom sounds like mine. She'll get every detail wrong except for the one she cares about.

[catbus]

Aug 6, 2012 13:37:47 GMT -5 @notquiteblushing said:

Aug 6, 2012 13:31:14 GMT -5 catbus said:

LOL. Way too much! A cherry pie, berry shortcake, cookies, four dozen mini chocolate cupcakes, and a candy bowl. For about 18 people. There were way too many things left over.

Ha! Your mom sounds like mine. She'll get every detail wrong except for the one she cares about.

This is exactly it! She gets so focused on one detail that she loses sight of the overall goal. Also, fixating on how something "should" be, usually based on what she's seen on TV or something (she kept mentioning how she was sorry there wasn't a decorated cake, because she knows "baby showers are supposed to have nice cakes").

[froggy76]

I'm sorry I hope you can return some things and get what you need.

Regarding your dad- I've never heard of dads giving shower gifts, or even being invited to showers. Showers are for women, unless they are explicitly co-ed, in which case I would still expect the men would rely on their wives to handle getting a gift.

[vanillacourage]

OMG I would have been freaking out. Disorganization like that is one of my hot buttons.

I would try to focus on your friends and block out the rest like it never even happened.

[thedash]

I hate it when events that are supposed to be fun end up being stressful for you (the "guest of honor") instead. Sorry!