Choosing a name when your styles are different

[mrsjrd23]

How did you go about choosing a name if you and DH aren't on the same page? 

Ugh...we are just in the beginning stages of picking a girl name and DH being the computer guy he is created an excel spreadsheet that has us ranking the top 5 names we each like and we can suggest as many as we want.  He has not ranked any of mine and I have not ranked any of his.  We have a middle name picket out after my aunt/godmother who passed away and a few of his names sound horrible with the middle and the others are all top 10 names which I don't really want.

With DS, I suggested the name we chose over and over and DH shot it down a lot.  I stopped talking names for a while, came back with another option and he said, "I thought we were naming him (my name choice)?"  I'm hoping the same happens here and it just accepts my choice eventually LOL

[Deleted]

I wouldn't worry about flow of first and middle too much, you don't say it often and it's more important to have a middle with meaning.

I'd each make lists and first see if you have any the same. If not, or even if so, go through each other's and cross off the ones that you absolutely hate. From there have each person rank their own list from favorite to least favorite. Then pick 5 of each other's and make one list of ten. Then sit with those for a while and cross off as needed.

[Deleted]

You bicker a lot, LOL. I'm 31 weeks and we still don't have a name for DD. He hates "my" names and I hate his. We have a few we both like, but none seem like "the one." I guess the answer is, you eventually come to a compromise?

I am going cross-eyed reading names' lists online. I feel like it's the same 30 names over and over. Tell me a name I haven't already heard!

[Deleted]

zarapipe, lol

[cjeanette]

The one who did the actual pushing a baby out of their vagina got to chose in my house

Otherwise Eleanor would have been Jayden. She owes me one.

[hilwithonelary]

Well, we didn't decide until 40 weeks.

We each made a list of our top 5 names. We each eliminated 3 names off each other's lists. We talked about the remaining top 4 for awhile, then narrowed to 2. Then we fought for several months, lol.

ETA: we went with his name, and I've never regretted the decision 

[sent]

My husband tried your strategy when it came to naming DD. I was in your DH's position and shot him down all the time. Until I randomly came up with a name and he was like "oh yeah, that's good." It was like angels singing and I breathed a huge sigh of relief when that moment occurred.

If that had not worked, my strategy was going to be to sit with DD for a few hours after she was born, and then declare her name at the very last minute possible. Procrastinator style.

[Deleted]

It's situations like this where I daydream about having Jedi powers for literally just a second. I *know* that DH dislikes my #1 girl name (Jean) strictly because I want it. I wish for just one second I could wave my hand and say "you like the name Jean" and be DONE.

[ginap]

I printed out the Social Security list of top 100 names and we each got a copy and went through and crossed off names we didn't like and then compared lists. I also bought the Baby Name Wizard book and we pored over that and eventually got to a list of 5 or so and finally we got tired of talking about it and picked one about a month before she was born.

[Deleted]

I don't know how you ladies that are open to anything do it. There are so many names out there

We wanted a name from my H culture so the lists were short and I crossed off anything that would be pronounced wrong. My list to choose from was so much simpler. I cannot imagine having a 100 or a book full of names to choose from. No wonder people choose a letter.

[curbsideprophet]

We created one big list. If there was a name someone really did not like it did not go on the list. We slowly took names off the list.

What names do you like? What names does he like? Any specific requirements? Maybe we can help.

[Velar Fricative]

The good news is we both have preferences for traditional boy names.

The bad news is our tastes for girl names are very different and DD came out a girl. So we didn't decide until after she was born although we kept tossing out ideas during pregnancy. He likes 80s names and I like great-grandma names. We just ended up liking a name that I suggested - it was not our #1 favorite but I wanted us both to be equally happy with a name. Just keep suggesting and something will stick, even if it doesn't happen until after the birth.

[july]

Jan 15, 2015 5:52:25 GMT -5 Velar Fricative said:

The good news is we both have preferences for traditional boy names.

The bad news is our tastes for girl names are very different and DD came out a girl. So we didn't decide until after she was born although we kept tossing out ideas during pregnancy. He likes 80s names and I like great-grandma names. We just Ended up liking a name that I suggested - it was not our #1 favorite but I wanted us both to be equally happy with a name. Just keep suggesting and something will stick, even if it doesn't happen until after the birth.

Haha. My husband likes the 80s name.


We both like traditional names. It has to be something a professional could have. Our first name ended up being top 5, which we didn't know when we picked it. For this one, I really don't like his girl name. Very 80s. He also wants t use the same middle name if we have another girl. I mentioned a name I liked and he said it was nice too. We will end up with something we both like over time. I haven't thought about it much. I now hate the boy name we had last time.

[SJ]

Jan 14, 2015 23:33:22 GMT -5 ladybug said:

]I'd each make lists and first see if you have any the same. If not, or even if so, go through each other's and cross off the ones that you absolutely hate. From there have each person rank their own list from favorite to least favorite. Then pick 5 of each other's and make one list of ten. Then sit with those for a while and cross off as needed.

This is what we did as we anticipated much disagreement. DD's name was on his list, but it was my late grandmother's middle name and I love it.

[gibbinator]

We both went through the baby name book a to z, wrote down all the names we found acceptable (we both had about 15). Then we traded lists and vetoed 10 of the other persons. Then we combined the final 10 into one list and sat on it for months. Then a couple weeks before the due date we hacked a couple more names off. We went into the delivery room with 2 names for ds1 and 4 for ds2.
We named ds1 almost immediately after he was born, ds2 remained nameless for a few hours. In the end, ds1's name was my top pick, and ds2's name was dh's pick.

[smock]

We each went through the Social Security top 1000 (yes, 1000) and pulled names we liked. We had maybe two that overlapped. That gave us about 10 names (we're picky). Then we randomly decided we both preferred a name that's not in the top 1000.

[Deleted]

We had no problem with a girl's name. DH was dead set it would be Victoria. I like the name (not my absolute favorite) but I've been with the man long enough to know when there's no changing his mind, ha! We would use my middle name as it is the same as my mom and grandma's.

Since we're actually having a son, that was trickier. DH just didn't really like any names I suggested. Finally I suggested Henry a few times and he came around to it. We both really love the name. Middle name we went through every name we could think of for weeks. DH wanted Ulysses. No. Finally we agreed to use DH's first name as a middle. Thank you MIL and FIL for giving DH a good name!

God help us if we ever have another son. I may just have to take the approach my friend did and just call the baby a name long enough that DH says "well, I guess that's his name."

We aren't too off in our style preferences, but DH probably likes even more tradition names than me--basically if they weren't in the bible or European royalty, it's probably too far out there for him;)

[Deleted]

Also when it looked like we could not decide on a middle name I thought about since we have so many friends and family with birthdays around my due date just giving the baby the middle name of whoever's birthday he shares. DH did not like that. I thought it would be kind of fun.

[rugbywife]

It has been fun….I like LOTS of names, DH likes very few names. So I suggest lots of names and he vetoes them.

[zarapipe]

Jan 15, 2015 8:35:33 GMT -5 rugbywife said:

It has been fun….I like LOTS of names, DH likes very few names. So I suggest lots of names and he vetoes them.

Ding ding. DH only liked one name basically since I was pregnant with dd1. I didn't like it then but we agreed on one early with her. With dd2 it was a PITA. He still only liked that name and vetoed hundreds of names. His names all sucked. In the hospital the SSA lady left her card because we couldn't agree. We had to call the day of discharge to give the lady dd2 name. I caved and went with Hailey at the last moment. He has loved that name for years and it wasn't worth it to me to fight about it anymore since I wasn't in love with anything. She has my middle name, and I think I'm going to start calling her that as a nickname sometimes

[Deleted]

Jan 15, 2015 8:35:33 GMT -5 rugbywife said:

It has been fun….I like LOTS of names, DH likes very few names. So I suggest lots of names and he vetoes them.

Yup, same here. I had probably 30 girl names on my list, and DH unceremoniously cut that down to about 4. We read read read more names and come up with a new favorite about 1x a week, but we grow bored of it quickly. We choose DS's name at 18 weeks (before we knew he was a boy) and never wavered. I keep waiting for that kind of CERTAINTY in a girl's name, and it's just not happening.

[Deleted]

We had the common problem that H works with kids, so pretty much every name reminded him of "that" kid. DS1's name was family related, and was decided long before he came around. The only reason I wanted the 2nd to be a girl was so that we didn't have to come up with another boys name, as we had a hard time agreeing.

I'm the 80's name lover in our house. I wanted Aaron for DS2, and H hated it. we have a last name that does not work with quite a few names, and of course he wanted those. We were team green, so we chose his name for sure when he came out

[Deleted]

We each kept a long mental running list we discussed until we were exhausted...lol.
Then we just shut up about it for a good long while.
We then each wrote down our top 5 names and then 2 more "off the wall" names. Took it to the hospital and decided when we were hanging out.


It got so much easier and simpler for us when the kid actually NEEDED a name.

FWIW, DD got the off the wall name (DHs list) and DS got one off my list.

I've also been known to throw out a few completely insane names and then the one I want at the end, so it sounds that much better...haha.

[kittycatlove]

Jan 15, 2015 8:35:33 GMT -5 rugbywife said:

It has been fun….I like LOTS of names, DH likes very few names. So I suggest lots of names and he vetoes them.

This is essentially what we did. 

We were team green and actually agreed on a boy name fairly early on, though at first he did veto what we ended up naming DS.  We never really settled on a girls name, DH was warming up to one of my favorites towards the end of my pregnancy though.

[anna7602]

I pulled the "please honor my ethnicity" card and put an end to his tossing out names like Cuthbert and Ethelred. I can bet you so much money that I don't have a single ancestor with those names.

It also helps that we were discussing names for a very long time before we actually needed to use them.

[charlotteandwilbur]

DH is very conservative with names and only likes a few very traditional ones.

We compromised by giving DS a traditional first name and a very hippy, nature-inspired middle name.

We plan to do the same for DD, although she will also go by a quirkier nickname rather than her traditional first name.

[mellimel19]

We agreed on a boy's name that I loved several years ago, and even though we were team green, were convinced it was a boy. So we didn't give a TON of thought to girls' names. We hated a lot of each other's suggestions, and when we went to the hospital for my c-section, we took the list of possible girls names with us, still totally undecided. The minute they cleaned DD up and handed her to DH, he turned to me and was like ok, you get to choose the name. Great, I thought. Perfect opportunity to go with one of my top 2 names that he didn't really like. But neither one seemed to suit her So we went with a name we were both just ok with, but I really like it now. It suits her.

[rosebud]

My biggest concern was that the names of all the children sounded good together. That being said, I've totally got a British King thing going on now...

[dancingirl21]

Thankfully, H and I both agree that we like more unusual names or names you don't hear too often. DS's name was chosen early in my pregnancy, before we knew he was a boy. We had a few names we were throwing around and then one day DH said, "what about J..." and I immediately really liked it. Plus it works really well with DH's first name (J's middle). I called the baby "Baby J" before we knew it was a boy. I've always joked that I would have had to come up with a J girl name too.

We have a couple of other boy names that we really like - Luca, Enzo.

We have absolutely zero girl names. That will be tough.

[WillabyWallabyWu]

I've noticed that my DH seems to become ambivalent after hearing the name over and over. My niece kept referring to the baby by a certain girl name that neither of us liked really. By the day we found out the sex, he was all "it's not a bad name. We can go with it"