I'm struggling

[lovelovelove]

Just hoping to get some thoughts out and maybe more advice.

I'm so, so, so down. Like I don't want to do anything except play on my phone and watch TV as a distraction. I need to snap out of it bc my work and personal life are suffering for it.

I'm disappointed in how H is handling things, but I don't know how or if I should address it. He told me he hadn't been communicating with me because of our taking a break he wasnt sure if that meant we weren't talking. He's being so dense about the situation. I want us to be together, but it's not good if I can't rely on him emotionally. Idk- things I need to address in therapy I guess.

I asked him how we can get to a better place and his only answer was more communication and honesty. Those are huge, but other stuff needs to happen as well, I think. And he can't just say we're going to communicate more, he needs to actually do it. But I don't know how much I should push the issue, if at all.

So far he's been sober almost a week. I think he's riding high on "look at me not drinking and fixing my life!". I'm having a hard time relaxing about it and being around him makes me really uptight.

I want to just be with him, I can feel myself slipping into "it'll just feel good to give him a hug" or "maybe it will be good for us to spend more time together just hanging out" but I feel like that gives him the idea that everything is ok.

I'm looking forward to al-anon this weekend. I want to go more but it's tough with dd and our schedule. I won't leave her with H right now.

Sorry for the word vomit. Just a bunch of stuff going on in my head that I needed to get out.

[flex]

Do you know if he has a sponsor or has talked about wanting to work the Steps?

[lovelovelove]

He said he got a couple of phone numbers. And it looks like he's reading the books they gave him.

[flex]

I wonder if he's called those numbers.

At any rate, I know it's hard right now. But remember we keep telling you to focus on "you". Please keep focusing on your therapy and please keep going to Al-Anon. I know there's temptation to slip into old behaviors because they're "comfortable", but please do not do so. This is the beginning of a new life and a new self awareness. Changes will come "...sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly. They will always materialize if we work for them." as the Big Book says.

Changes are not going to come merely by wishing for them. It will take effort, but it's SO worth it. : )

[lovelovelove]

flex

Thank you. I needed that reminder. I just want to push him and tell him what my expectations are but I want him to (and know he has to) get there by himself if he's going to get there.

[Deleted]

Being new in sobriety can be very confusing. I remember feeling overwhelmed and like "everyone must know"! It takes a while to settle in, adjust to the new reality, and accept things. I guess I'd advise that you be patient with him. ((hugs))

[lovelovelove]

@evelynrichards

Thanks for checking in on me.

I'm about the same, idk. Feeling lost and not sure what steps to take. I am trying to just focus on me and dd, but it's hard with H trying to act like things are good. We'll see. I feel like I'm counting the minutes to al-anon this weekend.

[malibu]

I'm sorry you're struggling. It is so hard as the spouse to deal with this. I'm glad you're looking forward to Al Anon, I hope you can connect with the group and get some good advice and words to think about.

[Deleted]

Hey! Just stopping by lovelovelove to see how you are doing today. Tomorrow is the weekend. I hope Al-Anon will be helpful!

[lovelovelove]

Thank you all so much for checking on me. I'm finally feeling a little more like myself and I don't feel like I'm in so much of a fog. That's made me overall feel a little better. I told him that this is all going to take a lot of time and that I was feeling pressure since he was so upbeat. It helped to get that off my chest.

Definitely still looking forward to al-anon tomorrow. Really hopeful to be around others who have been there and talk some stuff out.

I hope you all are doing well. It's been amazing to have this outlet.

[gardengnome]

I hope you're doing better lovelove.
I hope this is the time it clicks with your husband and he stays sober.

[lovelovelove]

gardengnome thanks. I hope so too. I'm in a place of doubt and untrust (is that a word?) right now, and I know how hard it's going to be. I think for me right now the toughest part is that HE doesn't seem to think it's hard.

I'm having a hard time reconciling the positive changes with all the negative past. And it hurts me that he is pretty upbeat about the whole thing. Like there's a lack of acknowledgement of the past hurt and how difficult it's going to be to get us to a better place. But I also don't want to be a Debbie downer about the progress he's made. I'm so torn about everything. But as I've been told many times here, one day at a time, and it's even seemed in these past couple of days to be one hour at a time.