S/o sex

[Willis Jackson]

Post college? I don't know.

I wasn't allowed to sleep in the same room as a SO until marriage. DH and I only visited once before we were married so it wasn't a big deal, but I thought it was silly when my late 20s brother couldn't stay in the same room as his GF, with whom he not only lived but owned a house.

[MNH2013]

College, 2nd year? That's about when I was able to. I had gone on vacation with my HS bf but I shared rooms with his sister.

[fbf2006]

My first thought is probably after college. Definitely not in high school.

[bunch]

Probably post college or if they're living together. Otherwise, no. I remember the summer before college my bf's parents let us stay together (he was long distance) and I thought it was so weird. I always slept on the floor even though they never even came upstairs where his room was.

[meltoine]

Depends. I'd like to say when they are engaged, in separate rooms. But if they live far away and have to travel to see us, that might change my answer, though they will still be in separate rooms until they are married.

ETA: I never asked to have an SO sleep over until I was engaged. 

[degal99]

Depends on their relationship. But probably around college age. My goal is to avoid the double standard my parents had (brother could spend the night with his girlfriend but I couldn't spend the night with my boyfriend at the same age).

[sjh722]

Jan 21, 2015 8:22:29 GMT -5 @this said:

DH and I slept in separate guest rooms at my parents' house until we were married. But my parents didn't ask us to or anything.

And to be fair, we still sleep in separate bedrooms at my parents' house most of the time because it's like a treat to each get our own beds/rooms. LOL

Same here. I would love to be in a separate room from H at my parents' now. They have queen sized guest beds and we spend the night rolling into each other.

[pooh8402]

For me, living together. For DH, probably married.

All of our parents required us to be married before we could sleep in the same room.

[mlt]

Not until they are living together. Or married. Whichever comes first.

[AlpineSlide]

When they are engaged/or living together which I hope is post college. Even then I would prefer separate rooms.

[h]

Post-college, I think we would let a serious SO sleep in the same room. I might be willing to let a serious SO sleep in the same room during college, depending on the presence or absence of little brothers in the house. I would not, for example, let DS1 come home at 19 yo and sleep with an SO with a 13 yo DS3 around.

My ILs let us share a room in DH's house from sophomore year of college on. My parents gave us separate rooms until we were engaged.

[cincodemayo]

It probably depends on how floozyish the girl is he brings home. I guess once he's in college?

[soozy87]

They won't be sleeping over unless they are married.

[timorousbeastie]

Separate rooms - college. Same room - post-college (assuming DD has moved out and is just coming back for a visit with her SO; for some reason I might feel differently if she's still living with us after college).

[bluelikejazz]

We had to sleep in separate rooms until we were married, and I expect we'll have the same rule for our kid(s).

[matildasun]

Probably college, certainly if they are living together.

I have really strong feelings about this, and think it is weird to make two adults who sleep next to each other regularly not sleep together just because you are their parents.

(My answer is for sharing a bed. Having someone over in separate rooms didn't even cross my radar as something I would ever not allow).

[sunshine608]

Never. I don't care what they do in the house that they pay for, but it won't happen with my blessing in mine until marriage.

[water*drop]

Jan 21, 2015 8:24:40 GMT -5 minniemouse said:

In the same room? When they are living together, married or not. If a college boyfriend is visiting, they can sleep in separate rooms.

Probably this. Actually, maybe in the same room post-college regardless of living situation, but I don't know. 

Both of our sets of parents made us sleep in separate rooms until we were married, although my parents did let us sleep in the same room (with me on an air mattress) right before our wedding because all of the bedrooms were full. We weren't really bothered by it, though we got married right after grad school, so it still sort of felt like we were in college. If we had been "real adults" with established careers, etc, we probably would have found it more annoying. 

[Deleted]

I think I will gauge it on the relationship and DS's maturity. HS would be fine for me if he was in a long term relationship with a girl I respcted. But once that time comes who knows.

[matildasun]

Jan 21, 2015 8:27:39 GMT -5 meltoine said:

Depends. I'd like to say when they are engaged, in separate rooms. But if they live far away and have to travel to see us, that might change my answer, though they will still be in separate rooms until they are married.

ETA: I never asked to have an SO sleep over until I was engaged. 

Jan 21, 2015 9:16:22 GMT -5 @upnorth said:

Probably never until marriage. It never really came up since both of our families are local but I know with both of our parents we would have never been allowed to sleep in the same room. They may be sleeping together outside of my house but I'm not going to condone it.

Jan 21, 2015 9:18:08 GMT -5 sunshine608 said:

Never. I don't care what they do in the house that they pay for, but it won't happen with my blessing in mine until marriage.

I really just don't get this at all. It was my mother's policy for me (they changed their stance for my siblings) and I didn't understand her rational either. 

It is such an odd double standard to make two people who live together and share a bed on a regular basis sleep apart.

[SJ]

We were absolutely never allowed to do this!!

Well one time, my mom let DH sleep in the same room with me "on the floor". (My dad was not home)

Even while traveling with his parents, I shared a hotel room with his mom and he shared one with his dad until we were married.

I suppose if my adult child was living with someone else, we would allow them to share a room at our house as well.

Otherwise, no need to encourage it or make it so easy for them.

[cinco]

Once they are living together. My parents were the same. I did have boyfriends spend the night earlier, but different rooms.

[SJ]

Jan 21, 2015 9:41:46 GMT -5 @starry said:

I think the marriage thing is very hetero normative (yes I am aware gay marriage is legal in many states).

I agree. That is why I would allow it if they are living with a partner.

If they choose to live with someone before they are married, that is obviously their choice to make.

[SJ]

And absolutely not in high school. When would that ever be necessary?

[matildasun]

Jan 21, 2015 9:44:27 GMT -5 @upnorth said:

Jan 21, 2015 9:16:23 GMT -5 matildasun said:

Probably college, certainly if they are living together.

I have really strong feelings about this, and think it is weird to make two adults who sleep next to each other regularly not sleep together just because you are their parents.

(My answer is for sharing a bed. Having someone over in separate rooms didn't even cross my radar as something I would ever not allow).

I'm going to use your language from your other post....it's not a double standard because I'm not treating anyone differently because of their circumstances. Unless something changes, I'm not going to approve of them living together prior to marriage so I'm certainly not going to consent to them sleeping together in my house.

I strongly disagree with this also. 

Edited to add, my double standard comment was about the parts of those statements where people said they didn't care what happened outside of their house, but it wasn't happening under their roof. 

[drloretta]

My parents had us and SOs home for holidays and obviously they stayed over. We had separate rooms until marriage. I'm going with that rule for DD, though DH will probably be less strict

[meltoine]

Jan 21, 2015 9:32:39 GMT -5 matildasun said:

Jan 21, 2015 8:27:39 GMT -5 meltoine said:

Depends. I'd like to say when they are engaged, in separate rooms. But if they live far away and have to travel to see us, that might change my answer, though they will still be in separate rooms until they are married.

ETA: I never asked to have an SO sleep over until I was engaged. 

Jan 21, 2015 9:16:22 GMT -5 @upnorth said:

Probably never until marriage. It never really came up since both of our families are local but I know with both of our parents we would have never been allowed to sleep in the same room. They may be sleeping together outside of my house but I'm not going to condone it.

Jan 21, 2015 9:18:08 GMT -5 sunshine608 said:

Never. I don't care what they do in the house that they pay for, but it won't happen with my blessing in mine until marriage.

I really just don't get this at all. It was my mother's policy for me (they changed their stance for my siblings) and I didn't understand her rational either. 

It is such an odd double standard to make two people who live together and share a bed on a regular basis sleep apart.

I didn't live or sleep with H until we were married. It wasn't a double standard.

[ktw]

My parents didn't even allow me to have boys in my room for non-sleepovers, let alone sleepovers. I've been with my H since I was 16. He only slept over my house once that my parents knew about, when a snow storm crept up on us and it wasn't safe for him to drive home. In college, we obviously would visit and sleep in each others' dorm rooms, but when we came home, nope. Once college was over, I moved back in with my parents and H was renting a house in our hometown. Only then did I openly tell them I was going to stay at his house. My grandma was even worse, when we'd visit for holidays, she made us sleep not just in separate rooms, but on separate floors. Even when we were engaged. She's relaxed a little now, and my brother and his live-in gf are allowed to sleep together at her house.

I hope I can be slightly more relaxed. I think once living together or engaged, what is the point of trying to keep them apart in my house?

[matildasun]

Jan 21, 2015 9:54:27 GMT -5 meltoine said:

Jan 21, 2015 9:32:39 GMT -5 matildasun said:

I really just don't get this at all. It was my mother's policy for me (they changed their stance for my siblings) and I didn't understand her rational either. 

It is such an odd double standard to make two people who live together and share a bed on a regular basis sleep apart.

I didn't live or sleep with H until we were married. It wasn't a double standard.

Sorry that the double standard part is tripping people up.

I think requiring two adults, who sleep next to each on a regular basis, who may or may not even be having sex, to sleep in separate rooms and/or beds is ridiculous and I just don't understand it. It makes no sense to me.

[matildasun]

Let me explain my POV a little better.
I was older and in a committed relationship, by the time I had sex. My mother had always told me to wait until I felt ready and not to be pressured in to it. She trusted me to know when that would be. She brought me to get birth control. It never made sense to me then that she didn't trust me to make the same decisions in her house.