Preschooler crying at dropoff?

[Deleted]

Every so often, DS gets into these phases where he doesn't want to be dropped off at school. He's fine in the car and walking in to the building, but then he starts clinging to me when we get to the classroom. I'll try to settle him at one of the activity stations they have set up, but I usually end up having to physically pry him off me and hand him over to a teacher while he cries. Ugh. Knife to the heart

I give him a kiss, tell him to have fun and that I'll see him soon, and then walk out. His teachers say he only cries for a few seconds and then calms down and seems fine. When I pick him up, he always tells me he had fun. So why does he do this?!

Is this the right way to handle it? What do you usually do in this situation? I feel so guilty and I occasionally think about not making him go but I do honestly believe he's better off going than staying home all morning.

[GailGoldie]

it's totally normal and doesn't mean anything bad. And yes- 99.9% of kids stop crying in a minute or two once the parent leaves. the longer you stay = longer he will cry- trust me, i uesd to be a teacher (in daycare, in prek and in K).

preK kids are going through a lot of control issues - so crying is just a way to control things for them = it doesn't mean they are miserable or scared.

One of my sons does this- he clings to me at drop off - but then one of the teachers will come over and take him- hold him for a minute- then SHE can put him down without any crying... but if I try and put him down- he freaks out. So we do the "pass off" technique every time

[littlemermaid]

My daughter did the exact same thing for both years of preschool. She would be all excited and then the waterworks would appear. Personally I just think it was anxiety. She would be fine a few minutes after I left. Keep doing what you are doing. Keep the goodbyes short and sweet.

[Tea-rific]

As a pre-K teacher, I think you are doing everything right. I have lots of kids that get emotional in the AM during drop off time, but they do much better when their parents to do not linger. Something that has worked for my some of my kids is having their parent leave a photo of themselves for the child to keep in his or her cubby.

Good luck. Pre-K is my favorite age, but they can be tricky!

[cookiemdough]

Sounds normal and ditto Goldie. One thing we did that helped is when we put together his chart (you know the one where you get a star for certain activities like eating veggies), one of the things we listed was going to school without a fuss. So he could get a star for that. He had motivation then not to do the whole clinging thing at drop off. Then we dropped it off the chart and added something else. He never went back to that behavior. I really think it was a control kind of thing instead of him actually being sad about going to school.

[definitelyO]

DS still did it for K a few times and would do it for daycare as well. totally normal and you are doing the right thing. keep consistent and don't linger

[onomatopoeia]

Totally normal. DS had a really tough time of it and here's some tricks I used that worked:

-I started kissing DS's hand and closing it up ("Quick! Don't lose it! It'll fly away!"), then he'd put the kiss in his pocket where he'd carry it around all day. That made him feel better.
-I also gave him a small laminated picture of a clock with the hands pointing to the time I always came to pick him up. Even though he couldn't tell time, it helped him to know that there was a set point in time when mom would be back. It helped that the daycare had a pretty set schedule...he knew I would be back after outside time but before circle time.
-When I left, I always acted like I was confident he was at a fun, safe place, and that he was going to be just fine. Big smile, big kiss, see you this afternoon! Sometimes I'd make a joke, like carry him in piggyback and tell the teacher I couldn't find Nick and did she know where he was? Then look all around the classroom. Ha ha, there he is, see you later little dude! Took an extra 2 minutes but it meant he got off on a good note.

DS had some other behavioral challenges that make it a bit more of a process than for most other kids maybe, but these tricks all came in handy.

[dr.girlfriend]

Yup. DS has been at daycare since three months old, and he still has phases like that (or at least did until at least age 3). It's especially worse after vacation or grandma, or whatever. I think you're handling it exactly right. Drawing it out with hugs, promises, staying a little extra, etc. is worse. I give him a "You'll be okay, when I pick you up this afternoon we'll x", hug, kiss, and out the door.

The only caveat I would give is that one time I think it was because in the morning they group some of the kids together, and there seemed to be a kid who was kind of a bully in the morning. I made the teachers who were there aware of my concerns, and made sure he was kind of standing by a teacher when I left. I'm not sure what happened, but that kid wasn't there for long.