I would write back, "Thanks for sharing, Mom. I'll be more empathetic the next time I talk to her." Obviously you never ever need to talk to your sister.
Stand your ground. You are obviously the non-dysfunctional one and you owe it to yourself to stay that way. I know that sometimes guilt can come in, or generally questioning yourself. You don't need to.
Also, probably not the appropriate thread to bring this up, but THANK YOU--I received the gc in the mail. You are a generous, good soul.
Post by shopgirl07 on Jan 27, 2015 13:14:47 GMT -5
I don't like that your mother said that. At all. Your sister needs to get her act together, and that's not something you can really help with. I'm sure it would cause a shitshow if you even tried to "help."
If you're so inclined, I think it would be nice to spend some time with your niece and support her. Otherwise, there's not much you can do and your mother should not make you feel guilty.
Post by sunshineluv on Jan 27, 2015 13:15:44 GMT -5
I am sorry. I wish I had a magical answer for you, that if you did xyz your sister's life would straighten out, and your neice would be healthier. But there is no answer like that. It is really sad to see people we love struggle, even when it is of their own doing. I don't think you need to do anything at all.
Nope. You don't get involved. If your mom asks you why, you just say that are are unable to help at this time. End the conversation. YOUVE got a lot on your plate. You do not need this too.
Post by ElizabethBennet on Jan 27, 2015 13:18:53 GMT -5
You don't do anything. I would just ignore it and if your mom keeps pressing the issue then clearly tell her that you won't be helping financially in any way and change the subject.
And I just want to say that I feel you, I'm having some issues with my sister and it's not a fun spot to be in.
I went through this with my brother (although he has no kids). My mother and Grandmother kept leaning on me to give him money so he could "get help". They had been giving him money, only it turns out he wasn't using it for help. The way I approached it with them was that I absolutely was willing to provide him support but not financially. He had no money for food so I cooked for him, I gave him rides when his car crapped out etc. I let him know I was available any time to talk if he needed and I gave him resources for places to call/Go to for help getting clean.
I don't know if you feel comfortable providing her support in ways like that? You'd be great resource for your niece as far as nutrition etc.
I think you are very smart not to get financially caught up with them stand your ground on that.
Post by usuallylurking on Jan 27, 2015 13:20:16 GMT -5
IF you feel so inclined, you could say that you've never felt better due to your current diet/workout and you could always put something in an email about what you typically eat if that's something your sister/niece would be interested in. But I wouldn't touch the financial stuff with a ten foot pole!
I don't know if you feel comfortable providing her support in ways like that?
Like I said, we are not close. We really only talk to each other when we're both at my parents' house. I just. Honestly. I just don't want to be involved.
Ignore. My mom does this to me w/r/t my trainwreck sister, and it's exhausting. Then when I talk to her she's all, "a mother is only as happy as her unhappiest child." Good to know, mom.
I don't know if you feel comfortable providing her support in ways like that?
Like I said, we are not close. We really only talk to each other when we're both at my parents' house. I just. Honestly. I just don't want to be involved.
I don't know if you feel comfortable providing her support in ways like that?
Like I said, we are not close. We really only talk to each other when we're both at my parents' house. I just. Honestly. I just don't want to be involved.
Then say exactly that. It is 100% absolutely ok to feel that way.
Post by DotAndBuzz on Jan 27, 2015 13:23:51 GMT -5
I feel you. My sister is similar, minus having kids. It's infuriating, because according to my mom (her primary enabler) things are never her fault - things happen TO her, not BECAUSE of her. I've even got the guilt trip about what sisters do for each other, and she never misses a chance to comment about how close my own girls are to each other, "like sisters should be."
Ignore it. Do not respond, do not pass go. Any time I tried to get more involved and help, it just ends up with being pulled into her drama and chaos, with no progress towards a solution. Listen if she contacts you, offer your suggestions if asked (knowing they'll be immediately dismissed, because reasons), but do nothing else. It's hard, I know, but I think it's the best course of action until she's willing to acknowledge her reality.
Post by FishChicks on Jan 27, 2015 13:24:11 GMT -5
I don't see any need for you to respond or any reason for you to feel guilty. I'm pretty confrontational and would want to respond to mom that I support those who take responsibility and support themselves. However, that would probably escalate things and would not be helpful, so I think the delete button is your friend.
Fortunately, my mom's radical personality change a few years ago changed her so that she is able to both be upset about my sister and happy for the successes in my life. A few years ago, that never would have been possible. But fortunately today, that's happening.