Information on pregnancy loss and TTCAL

[loira]

Pregnancy loss and trying to conceive after a loss

If you're reading this because you've experienced a loss, our heartfelt condolences. A loss requires time to grieve, no matter how far along you were when it occurred.

How common is pregnancy loss?
It can be an incredibly lonely experience, but please know you are not alone. It is believed that 1 in 5 pregnancies ends in miscarriage, and recurrent miscarriage, or repeat pregnancy loss, affects about 1 in 100 women. Depending on where you live, there is usually testing for RPL available. Testing might include:
- Hormone panel
- Karyotyping
- HSG
- Thyroid testing
- Blood test to rule out clotting disorders

What causes loss?
It can be frustrating to be unable to identify the cause of your miscarriage, but the majority are not caused by anything the mother has done. Many are simply caused by abnormal chromosomes, and the majority of women will go on to have a healthy pregnancy in future.

Second trimester loss
12 weeks is generally considered 'safe', but unfortunately losses do occur in the second trimester. Your doctor should be able to give you guidance on testing to figure out the cause. If you were quite far into your 2nd trimester, the loss might share similar characteristics of a stillbirth, and you might find some of the stillbirth resources below useful as well.

Stillbirth and neonatal death
It is an enormous shock to lose a baby in this way. You and your partner are likely to go through a range of emotions, and the bereavement process can last a lifetime. Your hospital or doctor should offer you a post-mortem examination, and should also be able to point you in the direction of therapists, support groups, and other resources for coping.

Termination for medical reasons - when loss is a heartbreaking choice
Unfortunately sometimes chromosomal abnormalities and other medical problems do not cause an early miscarriage, and your baby continues to develop. If after testing you receive bad news about your baby's health, you may be offered the option of terminating. Termination procedures will vary depending on how far along you are in your pregnancy. Terminating a much-wanted pregnancy is a heartbreaking decision, and can add an extra layer of grief, but no matter what you decide it is your decision to make. Your doctor and hospital should be fully supportive of your decision.

Remembering your baby
Many people keep small mementos to remember their baby. Those who have no mementos might find comfort in jewellery with special significance, a symbol, or even a special word. There is no wrong way to remember your baby - just do what's right for you.

Trying for another baby following a loss
Trying for another baby can be fraught with fear. Although statistically your chances of achieving a successful pregnancy are good, you may be afraid of another loss. This fear is very common, and can continue well into your next pregnancy.

How long before trying again?
The amount of time you should wait before trying again varies from person to person. It is best to follow your doctor's advice, and at least wait the amount of time they suggest for medical reasons. Depending on when your loss occurred, this can be anything from 1 month for an early miscarriage with no complications, to 3 months following an ectopic pregnancy. You will also need time to process your loss emotionally.

Helping a friend or family member through a loss
Do:
- say 'I'm sorry for your loss'
- use their baby's name (if they've named him/her)
- let them know you are there for them if they need to talk
- continue to support them well after you think they've finished grieving (they haven't)
- share your story of loss if you think it will help them feel less alone in theirs

Don't:
- dismiss their pain
- use platitudes like 'it was for the best', 'it was (insert name of deity)'s plan', 'at least you know you can get pregnant'
- remind them they can 'always have another'
- make their grief about you

Resources

Through the Heart
Through the Heart is a national 501(c)(3) organization that provides education & support regarding pregnancy loss. TTH distributes Comfort Kits, free of charge, to grieving parents to help provide a distraction during a difficult time and remind them they are not alone. The organization offers information on its website, an opportunity to Share Your Story, the Healing Through Art program, an online discussion forum, and a blog. TTH also distributes educational materials, including postcards and pamphlets, to help break the silence regarding pregnancy loss and make it a topic people can be more comfortable discussing.

TTH was founded by GBCN poster HoneySpider and her husband following the loss of their daughter at 20 weeks in February 2013. Please feel free to reach out to her directly with any questions or if you need someone to talk to!

www.throughtheheart.org

Miscarriage (UK)
www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/

Ectopic pregnancy (UK)
www.ectopic.org.uk/

Blighted ovum
www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/wp/wp-content/leaflets/Blighted-Ovum.pdf

Stillbirth and Neonatal death (UK)
www.uk-sands.org/

Termination (UK)
www.arc-uk.org/

Miscarriage & stillbirth support (US)
unspokengrief.com

Still Standing Magazine - surviving child loss and infertility
stillstandingmag.com/

Now I Lay My Down to Sleep - photography for parents suffering the loss of a baby
www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/

[Mushe]

loira, that is lovely, and is making me tear up this morning. Great job!

[awick14]

loira- very well written. It defiantly made me teary eyed for sure.

[rockinrobyn]

awesome job! But, jewelry is spelled wrong under "remembering your baby"

[ginkgoleaf]

Add me to the misty-eyed. Thanks for putting this together.

[loira]

Jan 29, 2015 11:32:38 GMT -5 rockinrobyn said:

awesome job! But, jewelry is spelled wrong under "remembering your baby"

British spelling.

[raangoli]

Thank you for putting this together. You did a wonderful job with such an emotional topic.

For the US, in addition to Through the Heart, I found another website that was helpful to read through: unspokengrief.com/

[julianabixby]

Very well written. Thanks loira

[loira]

Jan 29, 2015 12:33:10 GMT -5 raangoli said:

Thank you for putting this together. You did a wonderful job with such an emotional topic.

For the US, in addition to Through the Heart, I found another website that was helpful to read through: unspokengrief.com/

Added it! 

[rockinrobyn]

Jan 29, 2015 12:03:00 GMT -5 loira said:

Jan 29, 2015 11:32:38 GMT -5 rockinrobyn said:

awesome job! But, jewelry is spelled wrong under "remembering your baby"

British spelling.

Ahhh. Got it. Silly American here.

[HoneySpider]

loira this is so awesome thanks for putting this together!

I'll do a little write up for TTH.

Another org that might be useful is Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep - www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/

They do photography for those who have lost a child. I haven't used their services but I worked with them last year and they seem like a really great organization of people.

[ouokie]

Looks great! Thanks so much for putting this together. I know a lot of people will find it helpful.

[oneslybookworm]

Thanks for putting this together...just let me know when it's ready to go and I'll add it to the sticky!

[loira]

Jan 29, 2015 13:29:27 GMT -5 HoneySpider said:

loira this is so awesome thanks for putting this together!

I'll do a little write up for TTH.

Another org that might be useful is Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep - www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/

They do photography for those who have lost a child. I haven't used their services but I worked with them last year and they seem like a really great organization of people.

Oh yes, I've heard of them. Such amazing work! 

One of my big regrets is that we don't have a photo of V. We did see her, but I was too scared to hold her, and at the time I thought a photo seemed creepy. Now I wish so much that I had taken a photo.

[bcv513]

Thank you for doing this loira. It's great. I hate that it's needed, but you did a wonderful job

[HoneySpider]

Through the Heart is a national 501(c)(3) organization that provides education & support regarding pregnancy loss. TTH distributes Comfort Kits, free of charge, to grieving parents to help provide a distraction during a difficult time and remind them they are not alone. The organization offers information on its website, an opportunity to Share Your Story, the Healing Through Art program, an online discussion forum, and a blog. TTH also distributes educational materials, including postcards and pamphlets, to help break the silence regarding pregnancy loss and make it a topic people can be more comfortable discussing.

TTH was founded by GBCN poster HoneySpider and her husband following the loss of their daughter at 20 weeks in February 2013. Please feel free to reach out to her directly with any questions or if you need someone to talk to!

www.throughtheheart.org

[HoneySpider]

Jan 29, 2015 14:20:07 GMT -5 loira said:

Jan 29, 2015 13:29:27 GMT -5 HoneySpider said:

loira this is so awesome thanks for putting this together!

I'll do a little write up for TTH.

Another org that might be useful is Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep - www.nowilaymedowntosleep.org/

They do photography for those who have lost a child. I haven't used their services but I worked with them last year and they seem like a really great organization of people.

Oh yes, I've heard of them. Such amazing work! 

One of my big regrets is that we don't have a photo of V. We did see her, but I was too scared to hold her, and at the time I thought a photo seemed creepy. Now I wish so much that I had taken a photo.

Hugs, friend. It is so hard to make decisions in the moment, so much easier to look back on it and think about what you could have done differently

[loira]

Added your blurb HoneySpider. Yes, I guess it's all so much clearer in retrospect. You can always put the photo in the box and never look at it, but you can't get that moment back, and you'll never have another opportunity.

[pantaloons55]

loira, thank you so much for doing this. Its really well done and will be a great resource.

[tiptoetulips]

Looks amazing! Thank you for taking time to put this together

[King26]

It looks great and I think it'll help. Prior to my loss I wouldn't have known about these things or thought of ways I could help others. I think it's great.

[Koala]

Thank you for assembling all of this information. I think it will be a huge help for those that come looking for information.

[sierramist03]

Great job! My only suggestion would be to add a little bit about blighted ovums. That happened to me and I was confused about it

[loira]

Jan 29, 2015 22:35:57 GMT -5 sierramist03 said:

Great job! My only suggestion would be to add a little bit about blighted ovums. That happened to me and I was confused about it

I've added it to the resources. As much as I wanted to add all the information about every type of loss in the body of the text, I thought it might be better to keep the body succinct and put all of the medical info in the resources. I'm not a doctor and figure the resources can explain this stuff much better than I can. Hope that's okay! 

[sierramist03]

Jan 30, 2015 10:55:00 GMT -5 loira said:

Jan 29, 2015 22:35:57 GMT -5 sierramist03 said:

Great job! My only suggestion would be to add a little bit about blighted ovums. That happened to me and I was confused about it

I've added it to the resources. As much as I wanted to add all the information about every type of loss in the body of the text, I thought it might be better to keep the body succinct and put all of the medical info in the resources. I'm not a doctor and figure the resources can explain this stuff much better than I can. Hope that's okay! 

Nope it's perfect just a link is great!

[loira]

oneslybookworm, I think it's ready to go now!

[kallyfowler]

wonderful