I'm not doing that great staying on track.

[gardengnome]

I slipped up again on Tuesday and realizing that wanting to be and stay sober is not enough. It's really f'ing hard and going to be life long struggle.
I'm learning my triggers. This time if was excitement, thinking that being snowed in during a blizzard would be more fun if I was drinking. Not so much.
And not going to meetings is NOT an option. Each time I've slipped up has been when I can't get to a meeting for a few days. I am truly amazed how much they make a difference.
I tried having an online sponser and she was great, but I need one near me. I am meeting with another member this weekend to talk about it.
And I took a huge step yesterday and told my parents what was going on. Of course, they weren't shocked, but they weren't totally disappointed in me either. I was so afraid to tell them.

Anxiety is a huge factor lately too. I've felt in the verge of a panic attack all day. My go to is Xanax when nothing else works, but I'm out. My therapist would rather I didn't take Xanax, but we haven't really had a chance to find alternatives. I'm still not sure how I'm going to handle that situation. I've been on the lowest dose for 3 years now (usually have to take it a couple times a month). Does anyone have any other insight on that?

I appreciate everyone on here that takes the time to tell their stories. I like the fact that there are addicts and their spouses on here. It truly helps to hear the other side and try to understand how much these slip ups hurt others.

[btay]

I am so sorry you are struggling I am so glad your parents handled it better than you were expecting. It also sounds like making a appointment with a pyschiatrist who specializes in addiction would be a good idea. They will be able to suggest medications that can help you while avoiding the addictive ones.

[arch01]

DH and I had a huge talk last night about slip-ups. He hasn't had one, but knowing how it affects me helped keep him from having a drink last night. He really wanted "just one" while on the last night of our cruise. The bottom line is though that ultimately, it's not what everyone else thinks-it's what you think. That feeling of disappointing others can only go so far-and can hurt more than help you.

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. DH and I talked about how alcohol is literally everywhere. It's something I never thought about before DH made the decision to do in-patient. Billboards, commercials, magazines, newspapers...it's everywhere.

Keep working with your therapist. It took DH 3.5 years to find something that works reasonably well for his anxiety (along with ADD and depression). It's ok to say a med isn't working-keep at it.

But good for you for telling your parents!! That's a huge step that you should be proud of.

If you can't physically get to a meeting, have you checked out the online meetings?

[Deleted]

I'm sorry you slipped, gardengnome. However, it sounds like you have a good plan. More meetings and a sponsor who you can meet with in person. There are many forms of support in this journey. I can't imagine how I would have made it the first few years without my sponsor. She now lives about an hour away (I moved) but we still see each other as often as possible.

So glad for you that your parents took the news okay. That is a brave step to share with your loved ones. Keep posting and let us know how we can help!

[Deleted]

Jan 29, 2015 15:19:18 GMT -5 arch01 said:

I'm sorry you're having a hard time. DH and I talked about how alcohol is literally everywhere. It's something I never thought about before DH made the decision to do in-patient. Billboards, commercials, magazines, newspapers...it's everywhere.

This is SO true, arch01.  Especially in the early moments of sobriety, when our antennae are up!  Thank God, I don't notice it as much any more. 

[gardengnome]

Btay- I never even thought about seeing a psychiatrist. I'm so used to going to my GP, but a psychiatrist might have better insight.

And it is so true that once you start recovery, you notice that alcohol is everywhere. I ran a race a couple weeks ago and they practically put a beer in your hand at the finish line!

[flex]

Slip-ups are a natural part of the road to recovery.

It helps to remember that for the alcoholic, alcohol is a physical allergy and a mental obsession. Your alcoholism is never going away--it'll never wear off--even if you don't drink for years and years, it's still waiting out there for you. Always.

[lexxasaurus]

Remind me, do you take a daily anti anxiety? Starting one CHANGED MY WORLD. I was big at "drinking away my anxiety", so getting that under control was one of my very first steps. It's an option worth exploring if you feel like anxiety is a big issue for you.

Also, I've found people tend to surprise you with their reactions. I tend to think the worst but when I opened up to my parents and my brother, I found nothing but support. Slip ups are hard, but being honest with yourself and others sounds like such good progress. ::hugs::

[lovelovelove]

gardengnome I'm sorry you're having a hard time, but it sounds like you've made some big steps in identifying some triggers and even acknowledging how hard it is.

I second the suggestion for a psychiatrist, and make sure it's someone you can feel open with. My H was relying heavily on his Xanax when he had a prescriber who wasn't doing a good job of listening and my H wasn't being honest with. When he found someone who he felt more comfortable with and really listened to his substance abuse issues, they were able to find something he could take daily.