Hey guess what?

[malibu]

I'm wearing a pair of khakis today that I haven't been able to get over my gut in about a year. And, they're loose and look like I have old man butt because they're saggy in the back (this part I didn't realize until I got to work and saw them in a mirror). I've been following my healthy diet and working out at least 5 times per week. The scale hasn't budged in about two weeks, but I've lost three inches since I started measuring my waist, which was a little more than a week ago. I'm slooooowly working strength training into my workout routines; I started out too fast and using weights that were too heavy about a month ago and of course hurt myself (I know better, so...stupid me). I have a better plan in mind this time around, since it isn't my first go with trying to lose weight. Not only am I meal planning, but I'm going to actually get rid of the clothes I've kept over the years as they get too big. I tend to keep them "just in case", and then get annoyed when they fit again. I use a food scale to correctly measure portion sizes (and learned quickly that what I thought was a serving of spaghetti was more like 3 or 4 servings of spaghetti), and track everything I eat or drink. I'm even noticing my skin is looking better as I've been attempting to drink the 64 oz of water every day. Prior to this big change, I calculated that I was DRINKING - not even including food intake - but drinking over 1,100 calories each day. Two Starbucks Double Shots, a bottle of juice, and at least one, sometimes two bottles of Mountain Dew. I was so tired all the time. I think now, since I'm losing weight, I'm definitely sleeping better and need less caffeine. I still have two Monster Rehabs each day, but the entire can is 20 calories so I'm certainly not drinking my calories anymore. I'm trying to learn my triggers and have realized I'm definitely someone who eats out of boredom. Now, instead, I tend to find something to clean (having no energy most days also meant my house went to absolute shit for months), immerse myself in it, and the compulsion to eat passes.

H is liking his new job. They didn't have his computer set up correctly for the entire first week, so he was a little bored most days, but this week they have him doing more at his desk and doing more of the work he'll actually be doing regularly. He's never had a work email before, so it's been fun to get little "hi, how are you? I'm doing X today" emails.

Just wanted to check in, say hi, and AW a little about my progress.

[lime]

Great update!

I hear you with drinking calories - that can get out of control quickly.

Sounds like both of you are working hard and making some fantastic progress.

[lovelovelove]

Great job!!!!!! This is so awesome!

[malibu]

How is everyone else doing? lovelovelove any updates?

[lovelovelove]

Feb 11, 2015 9:03:09 GMT -5 malibu said:

How is everyone else doing? lovelovelove any updates?

Thanks for checking in! No real updates. We're kind of status quo. We're both continuing to go to meetings. H hasn't taken any other steps regarding therapy, marriage counseling, his physical health, etc.

[Deleted]

Very proud of you, malibu. That takes a lot of determination. Keep up the good work! What a fantastic update.

[malibu]

And today, the scale finally moved. I'm down a full 20 pounds as of this morning. Yay!

[btay]

Go team Malibu!!

[malibu]

Feb 11, 2015 12:05:11 GMT -5 lovelovelove said:

Feb 11, 2015 9:03:09 GMT -5 malibu said:

How is everyone else doing? lovelovelove any updates?

Thanks for checking in! No real updates. We're kind of status quo. We're both continuing to go to meetings. H hasn't taken any other steps regarding therapy, marriage counseling, his physical health, etc.

Ugh. Unfortunately, this does not bode well. Is he going to meetings because he chooses to/wants to? Or is he going simply to say he's trying or show you he's attempting something? Have you talked much at all or are you just existing in the same house together? It took a pretty massive breakdown (the day I found out my H no longer had a job, which was nearly a full week after he was no longer going to work - meaning he lied to me for a week about working, and I only found out because of how much his check was when he got paid a week later) on his part and a very, very long, deep talk to really find out if he was willing to work on himself. Through that conversation, and having concrete points to tell him - one being that I wanted him to go to inpatient, because I was afraid he'd completely melt down at home if he did outpatient and came home at night, which I didn't want to happen around DD (3 at the time, now 4). It took that talk to find out how severely (suicidally) depressed he was. I hate to say it, but after that talk, I did most of the work. I researched treatment facilities and printed off/emailed links to him. Once he'd agreed, I told him to pick which one he would go to. I got all the insurance crap straightened out through my work. I paid the bills when they came in. He was frozen in fear, anxiety, and depression. He drank up through the day I dropped him off at treatment. Had I left it up to him, especially knowing what I did after our long discussion, nothing would have happened. Normally, I'm one to say "he created the mess, let him sort it out", but in my H's case, I seriously don't think he was capable of doing the things I did to get him into treatment/get him insured.

So one long story later, the point of it all is to find out if you've been able to have an open, honest, and frank conversation with him regarding how he feels, if he's depressed, and knowing how much you're willing to do on his behalf if you find out things are really bad like my H's situation. It's a shitty conversation to have, but it has to happen if you're going to stay married or even try to coexist under the same roof.

[Deleted]

I lurk over here but your post makes me so happy for you. I know how hard last year was and to see the progress you have made brings tears to my eyes.  (hug) (hug2)

[lovelovelove]

malibu thanks so much for sharing. It actually feels good to hear that you felt you had to take over doing that stuff. I'm not sure how I'm feeling about it, so it's good to have that prospective.

Honestly I'm not sure who he's doing this for. He says he's doing it for us and him, but he's told me so many lies over the past couple of years, I don't know what to believe anymore. We've had some good conversations recently, and he says he's trying to open up, but I feel like I don't really know him or how to read him anymore. I will have to open up the conversation about if he's depressed and/or capable of taking care of setting stuff up for himself.

We don't interact much, but we have been communicating when we're both in an ok spot to have a civil conversation. I'm still really on edge, afraid that if I give an inch he'll take a mile.

Sorry to take over your thread!

[badpiggy]

Feb 11, 2015 17:09:33 GMT -5 malibu said:

And today, the scale finally moved. I'm down a full 20 pounds as of this morning. Yay!

Awesome! That downward moving scale can be such a great (re)motivator! Nice work!

[cinnamoncox]

Feb 11, 2015 17:09:33 GMT -5 malibu said:

And today, the scale finally moved. I'm down a full 20 pounds as of this morning. Yay!

Congrats! Great job, it's never easy.