Eating disorders? Anorexia/Bulimia

[btay]

I don't have any real experience with EDs, I just wanted to give you hugs.

[betsyray]

I'm sorry you're here, but hi. I've struggled with anorexia since high school. I don't know if full recovery exists, personally. I think of it as a choice every day to not let it win.

Mine comes back when life feels out of control. I've learned various coping mechanisms to try and replace my focus on food (or lack thereof) and used cognitive behavioral therapy to try and change my thoughts about my body. Have you tried seeing a psychologist at all? I found it helpful to at least learn the tools and my therapist helped me identify triggers.

I'm convinced my mom has an ED but has never admitted it. She eats very little and is obsessed with her weight and size. My sister and I both developed eating disorders during high school. I do think kids know. It's worth looking into talking to someone if you can.

Lots of hugs.

[betsyray]

Sorry, I missed the part about therapy not working. I responded too fast! was it CBT? That's the only kind I had success with.

[lovelovelove]

I don't have experience with this, but I'm sorry you're struggling. I think there are a few people on this board dealing with similar issues. Definitely stick around for support - this is a fantastic board.

[malibu]

@lcap you are absolutely welcome here!!
I am sorry you are struggling. You said therapy doesn't work, have you ever tried a group setting? I think a place like Overeaters Anonymous has meetings where people from all over the ED spectrum are welcome. I am not aware of a similar group specific to anorexia or bulimia, but I can look around and maybe update the pinned links at the top if I find one. Have you seen a therapist that specializes in EDs?

Again, I am sorry you are struggling. Keep posting here, this group is insanely supportive.

[malibu]

Also, since your H likes to go out to eat (so do I, which is why I am quite overweight and struggling with food addiction) - can you plan ahead which restaurant you will go to, and look up menus online and choose what you want to eat before going? Maybe know that you will pick something healthy and know the caloric content beforehand? I have to do this now, go out with a plan in mind so I don't overindulge and blow it for the whole day.

[spedrunner]

I have dealt with anorexia for about 20 years. I was first hospitalized at 16, went through an in patient hospitalization program and really did well for about a year after, then bad habit slowly crept in

I over exercised, restricted, had safe foods, etc.  The food/lack of food was controlling my life. I went into a full blown remission after leaving my husband that struggled with addiction

Not until I got myself into therapy, had my team (dr, nutrionist, therapist, pscyh) that I can say I am truly on my way to recovery. I have NEVER been at the place I am at now.  I understand what my ED was about. I knew it wasnt about the food, but i never really knew what I was running frmo

With therapy I have been really able to determine the root cause of my ED> Its been a long hard battle but so worth it.  Of course I still struggle with guilt and feelings but I am recovering. I am growing, getting stronger and food is becoming less of an issue for me

A big thing for me was shame. I felt ashamed of eating in front of others, I felt ashamed of liking healthy foods, making healthy choices, etc. Until I ve been able to get all of my rules and beliefs out of my head (and rrealize that no one is judging me, and if they are WHO CARES) have I had any success

Check out my blog, i write a lot of my struggles and successes Its a positive support for ed

[phoenixrising]

I am in therapy for an eating disorder and also attend an adult ED group. I am far from recovered, however. There are plenty of people who don't feel that you can ever be fully recovered from an eating disorder. Just like alcoholics don't refer to themselves as recovered, many people with eating disorders may say that they are in recovery, without saying they are recovered.

I don't think I will ever be able to say that I am recovered from my ED, but I hope to be in recovery someday.

[just]

I don't have anything useful to say except hugs. I've been dealing with this shit for 12+ years. The only thing that made it better (not perfect, just better) was telling people. Shame, it's the enemy and it lives in secrecy. Check out some of Brene Brown's work - Daring Greatly, The Gifts of Imperfection, I Though it Was Just Me.

[Deleted]

I have been struggling since I was 9, I am 32 and have had a few solid years of recovery in the last decade. I do not think it ever leaves 100% but that is only my opinion. I was doing very well and then very abruptly started struggling with Anorexia again. I want to offer support as I am also a mom and can understand what you are going through. Feel free to PM me if you want to talk.

[aba]

Hi:) I have struggled with anorexia for about 10 years now (off and on). 2 years ago I went through a bad relapse and ended up in inpatient followed by 2 months in residential. I actually do consider myself fully recovered. It was a gradual process but I can say that 5 out of 7 days a week I don't think one "ed thought" during the day. I no longer obsess about my weight, I eat whatever I want, I don't hate my body, I don't use food/restricting to escape. I didn't really have a "aha" moment, but I think I considered myself fully recovered when I went a good couple weeks not thinking any ED thoughts. Also after the holidays I weighed myself and realized I had gained almost 5 pounds. It didn't trigger any ED thoughts/behaviors which was a miracle. I accepted the gain and just focused on more balanced meals for the next couple weeks.

For me, residential was critical as I was not able to keep myself safe and healthy on my own. In treatment what helped me the most of figuring out the function of my ED behaviors. I also a behavior analyst by profession, so it "made sense" to me. I had to determine WHY I felt the need to engage in the destructive behaviors. I realized I was engaging in the anorexia as a way to literally escape. I was so miserable, I thought that slowly disappearing little by little until I died was the best course of action. So, I had to make the necessary changed in my life so I wouldn't feel so miserable. That meant I had to go through with my divorce, change jobs, make new friends, become more assertive, etc. I also had to learn appropriate, healthy copying skills because although I was trying to escape life as a whole, I also used my daily behaviors to momentarily escape stress, anxiety, anger, etc.

Finally, I had to really focus on being assertive and "using my words" when I found myself in situations I wanted to escape. I also had to focus on establishing my identity outside of the ED. From when I can remember I have always felt "not good enough." I needed to find a way to build my self-esteem in a healthy way (I was pretty proud of my ED because I was finally starting to feel "goo enough" at something). I decided I would be the best behavior analyst I can be;) I am no where near the smartest or best behavior analyst, but I am constantly learning and trying to better myself. A much better goal than dying from anorexia:)

Sorry, I realize this got VERY long! Please feel free to PM me or reply on here if you have any questions or want to talk!

[jenstar]

@lcap, sorry you're struggling. I just lurk on this board occasionally but I wanted to chime in because I have sister who battled anorexia starting in her late teens. She is now 41 and I would class her as fully recovered. However she may never recover from the damage done to her body during that time.

We only just talked about this in depth late last year and I had always wondered up until then whether she still had issues with food. For her it was the therapy that helped (she was inpatient at least twice but always relapsed), but I don't think she made much progress until they were able to identify the root cause, part of which which traced all the way back to her experience as a chronically ill 2 year old being left in the hospital for treatment when our parents weren't able to stay with her. She grew up feeling like she needed to be perfect so as to not be abandoned insecure attachments as a kid can really f with you down the track.

She had years of ongoing therapy and was definitely medicated at different points but she is one of the more self aware and mentally healthy individuals I know now as a result of that.

I would definitely encourage you to find a good therapist and see where that leads you. GL x