Super resistant to PT: Any experience?

[Mushe]

DS turned 3 in November. We've talked up potty and had a Bjorn potty for a long time, and attempted a 3 day over Thanksgiving. He seemed almost ready to turn the corner on it, but spent the next week at school just peeing his pants. Literally, he did it once in the potty there, and then never at home on those evenings. We called an audible and went back to diapers.

A BMB friend just used a 1 day PT book with great (pee) success, so I bought the book and the doll, and tried it. Omg. My kid is so stubborn. He appreciates the treats for being dry, but gets so upset when I try to get him to sit on the potty. He pees immediately after I do a dry check, and then gets upset.

Who has experience with a very reluctant potty trainer? He's ready to move rooms socially and emotionally, but can't move until he's PT'd, and I'm desperate.

Thanks in advance!

[pierogigirl]

IMO, this is a battle you won't win if he doesn't want to do it. DS1 wasn't potty trained until he was an older 3. DS2 was 3 in December and goes on the potty about 2-3 times per day, but is nowhere near potty trained.

[curbsideprophet]

DD turned three is August. She did not like to be put on the potty. We had success with using M&Ms as a reward. We also reminded her to tell us if she had to go vs asking if she had to go. Forcing her onto the potty did not work.

I would now consider her pee trained. We are still working on poop. Sometimes she goes on the potty, but not always.

[Mushe]

I'm glad at least to be able to commiserate! I'm definitely trying to not make it a power struggle, and emphasizing rewards for staying dry, and asking if he needs to go. He seems to actually be afraid of the potty, which I don't really know how to get over.

[Deleted]

Feb 15, 2015 22:22:05 GMT -5 Mushe said:

He seems to actually be afraid of the potty, which I don't really know how to get over.

I think it's time to back off. He's probably afraid because you keep telling him to go, and getting (understandably) frustrated when he does not. He knows he's constantly disappointing you, which is a lot of pressure for a toddler, KWIM. I think you should back off and let him figure it out himself. Nobody goes to college in diapers.

[Mushe]

Feb 15, 2015 22:26:45 GMT -5 @supergreen said:

Feb 15, 2015 22:22:05 GMT -5 Mushe said:

He seems to actually be afraid of the potty, which I don't really know how to get over.

I think it's time to back off. He's probably afraid because you keep telling him to go, and getting (understandably) frustrated when he does not. He knows he's constantly disappointing you, which is a lot of pressure for a toddler, KWIM. I think you should back off and let him figure it out himself. Nobody goes to college in diapers.

We did back off, and didn't bring it up at all, from thanksgiving until this weekend. On his own, he's been asking us to read potty books the past few weeks, so I went with this one day method that a friend used.

I am very good at telling him it's okay, we'll get it next time. I promise you that I am not expressing frustration to him.

ETA: I'm sorry, this sounds more defensive than I am. I just don't understand why he's getting upset when he pees. He tells me, "I wish I didn't have to pee anymore." MH and I kept reassuring him that it's okay, and just help him pick out new undies and get them on.

[egishere]

I feel for you...I'm dealing with this with DS too. My girls are trained now but he won't wear undies, won't go on the potty when we ask. I think I'm going to have to just put away the pull ups. He will go on the potty and goes but its when he wants to. He is very stubborn. They turned 3 in sept.

[Mushe]

Feb 15, 2015 22:40:40 GMT -5 egishere said:

I feel for you...I'm dealing with this with DS too. My girls are trained now but he won't wear undies, won't go on the potty when we ask. I think I'm going to have to just put away the pull ups. He will go on the potty and goes but its when he wants to. He is very stubborn. They turned 3 in sept.

So sorry you're here too!

I'm flabbergasted how he can go from so excited about it to refusing to try, but I guess that's the stubborn part! GL to you!

[penguingrrl]

Honestly, fokkow his lead 100%. My middle child wasn't potty trained until very close to her 4th birthday. I spent the last few months of 2 and first months of 3 bribing her with picking out underwear, treats, stickers, etc and she just wasn't ready. One day near her fourth birthday she woke up and put on underwear and that was it. I hadn't even mentioned it in about six months.

[madisen]

Ds wasn't potty trained until after 3. He really wasn't interested before it happened and we didn't push it. It will eventually happen. I kept telling myself I haven't seen a teenager in diapers sooo...

[moopoint17]

DS1 turned 3 last June. H and I were struggling with trying to potty train him for months. Whenever we were home, we kept him in pull-ups but he would pee/poop everywhere and wouldn't care about being wet/dirty. Bribes didn't work. Eventually we stopped. We were tired of cleaning.

Around 3.5 he finally started using the potty. One day he was playing with my niece and out of no where proclaimed he had to use the potty. It's only been 2 months but he's doing well. For the first 3-4 weeks he would have an accident at school on Monday mornings but that eventually stopped.

Next step is night time training.

[anaps28]

DS1 turned 3 last March and in April we locked ourselves in the house and tried to do the 3 day thing that everyone talks about. It was more like 5 days but he was pee trained fairly easy. Poop was a WHOLE other story...it took 8 more months before he wasn't afraid to poop on the potty. Whatever you do don't force the issue if he is resistant or afraid. Eventually it's going to happen.

[origami]

I had a stubborn 1 too. I tried PTing him right at 3 and it was awful. I gave up on day 2 of the 3day method. After that I just kept putting him on the potty every day before bath time. Most of the time he wouldn't pee but sometimes he did. After maybe 2 months of that I did the 3 day method again and I have no idea why but it worked and he complied. The only thing I took away from this was that the stubborn ones have to decide they're willing to do it. Forcing it will just make you crazy. I'm convinced my stubborn kid is like this because he hates failing/being bad at something. I think he needed to know he could do it before he agreed to do it. I honestly don't know why he all of a sudden deigned to PT but I've heard similar stories from other parents. One day they just get over themselves.

[katiecj6]

My DS was stubborn, but at 3.5, I decided he had enough "ready " signs to try.

He loved the show Jake and the Neverland Pirates. So for two whole days, I supplied a ton of juice/water, but would only let him watch his show after he peed on the potty.

He only had one accident during those two days.

[Mushe]

Thanks so much - I really appreciate all the advice. I definitely understand waiting until he's ready; because he initiated a lot of potty talk the last few weeks and said he wanted to go on the potty, I thought he was ready.

@choco, we bought another stool so he can stand peeing up, like some kids at school do, but he's not interested.

neeps, thanks! Buying that book now.

[DarcyLongfellow]

Honestly, at three I'd stop with the "it's okay" about accidents. Make a bigger deal about how accidents aren't what big boys do. You don't want to shame him, but you do want him to realize that accidents aren't what you want.

I started making DD1 clean up after herself if she had an accident. She'd have to rinse out her panties and put them in the washing machine, and if she had made a mess on the floor, she had to clean that up too.

Also, bribery. DD1 got an M&M every time she peed in the potty, 5 or so every time she pooped on the potty, plus if she pooped on the potty she got to pick a toy from the "toy basket" (filled with dollar store crap). Once she got the hang of it, we did a sticker chart for each poop that she could use to earn a toy from the toy basket, but when she was first resisting us, she got a dollar store toy every time she pooped in the potty.

Oh, and Potty Time with Bear is a great DVD. It's so good that it's worth buying it even if you feel like you've already tried everything. It's way, way better than the stupid Elmo Potty Time DVD. www.amazon.com/Bear-Big-Blue-House-Potty/dp/B0002J4ZKK

[kams]

DD1 was 3, too. I just let her decide when she was ready. I would light-heartedly encourage it a bit. Finally, she decided it was time when I suggested we do it for Daddy's birthday.

The good thing about them being a bit older & deciding on their own is that it's super easy when it happens. We have never (FX, now!) had a public accident, and I think I can count the number we've had at home on one hand. I didn't do any "formal" methods.

So, I suppose I don't have much helpful info. For some reason, PTing was one of my most breezy parenting things until she hit 3 and I felt suddenly behind. But, they all figure it out and he will, too

[electricmayhem]

I'm right here with you.  DS turned three in July and although he is willing and able to pee on the potty with no problem, he REFUSES to poop.  We tried right after his birthday, then again over Christmas break and he was crying and screaming about it.  Bribes don't work--we have (IMO, awesome!) toys that are in sight that he talks about and knows he will get if he goes, and he won't do it.  We tried candy too, which didn't work either.  

Thankfully, he's not being held up at daycare due to this, nor are they pushing me to work on it more at home.  As for now, I'm waiting for him to approach me.  The other boys in his room use the mini urinals, which he REALLY wants to do, but we tell him those are for when he's ready to wear underwear.  MIL keeps reminding me that DH wasn't PT'd until he was four either.  

[erbear]

You can't potty train a kid who isn't ready, and with a stubborn kid, you can't force him to do it. I'd explain that he can't move to the "big kid" room at daycare until he's potty trained, then back off. Keep offering, but don't actively train or get upset about it. He needs to feel like it's his idea. He'll do it when he's ready and he wants to. 

[nachos]

Cool underwear were our incentive - you can't wear them if you're going to pee in them.

That said, there was no shaming over accidents (it doesn't sound like you're doing that either), but there was a point with both of my kids when they were three that they had a growth spurt and had a lot of accidents during that time. It was like their bladders couldn't let their brain know fast enough that it was time to go. Once that passed, they were back on track - and they were both trained before turning 3. Just know that accidents at that age are super common because of growth.

With DD (aka the most stubborn kid ever) refused to use the potty. Her logic? She had pull ups. She knew that they could hold her pee, and no matter how many times she sat on the potty, she'd put on a pull up and promptly pee in it. So, no more pull ups, and she was trained within days. We peed for M&Ms and pooped for Polly Pockets.

I'm also someone who started sitting them on the potty before bathtime as part of the routine. Then we added once before bed. Then, first thing in the morning... you get the idea.

He'll get there when he's ready, as frustrating as it is now.

[egishere]

Mushe just checking in to see how things are going with your DS?

Mine is pretty consistently using the potty but still wants to wear pullups.  ugh!  I think I'm going to have to make a prize box or something to motivate him to wear undies.