your career progress vs DH's

[shaynaatl]

Do you take as much pride in your DH's career progress as your own?

For example, say your DH gets a promotion and a $10k raise this year.  You get a $2k raise this year.  Would this bring you as much satisfaction as you getting the promotion and $10k raise, and DH getting the $2k? 

[sicilygirl]

Yes. I actually posted about this a couple of weeks ago. H has had an incredible year at work and got a big promotion, 3 raises, and a large bonus. Meanwhile, I got shit on by my boss, lol. While I'm frustrated by my own job, I'm proud of him.

At this point, it makes me even happier for him to be having the success rather than me because the sooner we can afford to live on his salary alone, the sooner I can quit my job and start working on starting my own business. Life will be better for both of us when that happens! Plus, he deserves everything he's gotten this year. He's such a hard worker, and I'm glad it's paying off.

I have jealousy issues when it comes to other people's lives, but not when it comes to H. When good things happen to him, it feels like they're happening to me too.

[Deleted]

 I'm more proud of my own accomplishments than my Dh's because they are mine. Of course i'm proud of him too when he does well. I'm proud of both of us! We have both been successful in our careers while not killing ourselves for it.

[v]

Absolutely. I may actually be prouder of him because he's actually had career progress and achievement and such while me... not so much.

[konapoppy]

Yes! We have leapfrogged each other our entire career, which has been great for our HHI. In fact, I want him to leapfrog me again by a big margin when he finally gets a new job (he has been dragging his feet).

[SJ]

YES!!!

DH owns his own company and we both pour a lot of blood, sweat, and tears (literally) AND MONEY into it.

I absolutely celebrate its growth and let him know constantly how proud I am of him.

[mbcdefg]

MH is a tenured teacher and I have an office job, so our career paths aren't exactly the same.

We're both of the mindset that more money and job satisfaction for one of us equals more money and general happiness for both of us, so we're happy when the other one gets to move forward in their career. But his job doesn't really offer that, and my career has plateaued for several years.

[5thofjuly]

DH's career (nurse) isn't really the kind that offers tons of room for advancement, and, even if it did, he's not career ambitious. On the other hand, my profession offers much more room for growth. Because mine is very specific and better paying, we really put all of our career eggs in my basket, and, while I'm not sure "more proud" is accurate, we're definitely more encouraged when I'm able to take steps toward advancement.

[MrsE]

Yes, absolutely! In the beginning of our careers, DH was promoted quickly and made almost double my salary. Over the past two years, I progressed a lot in my career with promotions, raises, and a job change. This year, DH got a large raise and is now looking to potentially make a change. We are both 100% supportive of each other and celebrate career growth. A promotion, raise, and/or career growth is equally beneficial to both of us.

[sweetptater]

I'm incredibly proud of my DH. He's so driven and always looking for the next great opportunity. He also makes triple what I make. Meanwhile I've been kind of stagnant in my job for awhile. I'm starting a new job soon, so I'm hoping I can finally put the same amount of drive into my career now as he does. Anything that happens to one of us career-wise happens to the other one.

[Pom]

As a trailing spouse, this is something I have struggled with, although I come to terms with it more as the months and years go by. We talk about it and he knows I am extremely proud of him. When we met, I was the main earner and I liked it. But we set out to pursue his career, not mine. My time spent dealing with our HH stuff, his dad's illness and now estate matters, etc... allow him to pursue his success. We both consider it a team effort.

[my3bears]

I've always been the breadwinner, and being self-employed, that puts a lot of pressure on me to work all the time so we can get through the leaner months. Every promotion DH gets affects me probably more than him because it means I have more breathing room! So come on raises!!! Come on bonuses!!!

I do try to keep it in check so he doesn't feel pressured. It's no fun if both of us feel like that!

[drloretta]

Absolutely

[orangeblossom]

I'm proud of him, but also a bit bitter. I have sacrificed a lot for DHs career, and I can't really say it's been worth it, definitely not for my career and not as much for our household. The household has more to do with various MM decisions, that IMO we shouldn't have made.

I'm not as graceful as Pom being a trailing spouse, but I'm working on it.

[MNH2013]

Yes, but he's always known better what he wants to do in his career than I do. He is talking today with a guy about a big promotion. I am very proud of him.

[monsterz]

Yes I am incredibly proud of H when he gets raises or promotions, or just recently deciding to quit his desk job and follow his passion.

[UnderProtest]

We always knew that he had a career and I had a job. Partly because we knew I would be a stay at home mom and partly because he is very career driven. I do occasionally miss my job (the one I was in right before I had the kids), but we wouldn't be where we are now if I was still working. He wouldn't have been able to take a cross country project or move to London. I am proud of his work achievements, but I am a little bitter about being the trailing spouse right now.

[sillygoosegirl]

No. It would make me really frustrated. We work together and he isn't that much more awesome than I am, and I wouldn't be very happy if the powers that be thought he was.

[Deleted]

I'm very proud of my H's career progress. He has carved out a little niche for himself; he's an engineer who can talk to other human beings, which is rare!

I'm also jealous. I am intensely ambitious and a hard worker, and am still in the entry-level job I started in nearly 8 years ago. Partially because I declined to pursue other job opportunities because he didn't want to move. It's a sore point in our marriage.

He's ambitious, but scared of change and not very forward-thinking. I was pushing him to get a Masters in Public Administration like 5 years ago, to help his future job goals. He didn't because he didn't think it was necessary. Now as he looks at where he wants to be, I think he regrets that decision.

[Deleted]

I don't take personal pride but I am thrilled for him. Our careers are very different.

[tine]

I'm really proud of H when he does well in his career and especially when he gets a raise but it's definitely not the same thing as me getting recognized for my accomplishments. It's hard to explain but when I work hard to get a promotion/raise it's a much different feeling than when H does it.

[katie4253]

I just got a job that I've been working YEARS for. H was so excited for me. If H gets a promotion I'll be ecstatic because he's been in his position forever and deserves it so much.

[raangoli]

Yes, we're a team. I don't take personal credit for his success, but I am incredibly proud of him.

[msmerymac]

Honestly, no. I've said this elsewhere. It's awesome when my H gets a bonus (because we use it together) and I like when he gets good feedback at work. I like that he has a good work ethic, is appreciated, and is good at what he does. But I would feel better and like I had more financial freedom if I got a large raise or $10k bonus myself, if that makes sense. Well, for it to make sense you'd have to know that I make about 1/3 of what my husband makes, so we would never be able to live off my salary, which is a bit of a bummer for me from a professional success perspective. I also have issues because my dad was really financially controlling and my mom was never financially independent after being a SAHM and later having a low paying career.

[kadams767]

I am thrilled for him and honestly, at this point in our careers, I'd be happier if he received a bigger raise and/or bonus than I did. As someone up thread mentioned, every dollar more he makes takes a little pressure off me as the higher earner. Right now, our pay discrepancy is quite large (with bonuses, last year I made about 3x as much as he did) and I feel a lot of pressure to always keep a higher paying job just to keep our status quo. I mean, we'd be fine if we made equal amounts, but no one wants to take a big cut in HHI either. He works hard and was underpaid for a loooong time, he deserves the promotions and raises he's had over the past few years. I'd be so happy to see him close the gap in our earnings.

[meltoine]

Yes. He is able to do what he does (and have kids) only because I stay home. If I continued to work, he would not be able to have the job he has at all. So I am an integral part of his success. It helps that I recently got an award from his office as well.

[Poppy]

I am very proud of my husband and I admire his abilities and accomplishments. I think he's really hit his stride lately and I am really happy about that.

But... I am an extremely competitive person and since we have the same degrees from the same school, it's hard not to compare. I'll admit to being pretty damn pleased when I became the higher earner a year or two ago. I'm sure we'll switch back and forth a bit more (or at least once more, I think I'm pretty close to my max but he has more ambition and potential).


And I just need to say that there are more socially competent (even adept!) engineers out there than they get credit for. I'm not even claiming myself to be one, but I went to school with and have worked with a lot of them.

[Marmee]

Feb 17, 2015 11:29:22 GMT -5 RockNVoll said:

Feb 17, 2015 10:44:54 GMT -5 @idaholakelady said:

I'm very proud of my H's career progress. He has carved out a little niche for himself; he's an engineer who can talk to other human beings, which is rare!

Ha, I say this about DH all the time.  He's an engineer with actual social skills.  I distinctly remember when we first started dating we were at some gathering and I looked over at him and thought, "Oh good, he can carry on a conversation with strangers and hold his own."  It was a big plus, LOL.

LOL...DH is an anomaly too--an Architect who can write.  He hates it though because he ends up doing a ton of things like grant writing instead of designing.  

[FishChicks]

I'm extremely proud of him. He's run a successful business for years and I think that's amazing and tell him so. I try to celebrate all his wins, because I am happy for him.

Having said that, I'm a type A personality, and sometimes I have to stop myself from thinking that he could have accomplished more if he'd been more focused and aggressive in acting on his goals. It's not helpful thinking and I'd never say it to him.

[cheezer]

I'm very proud of him but I'm more proud of my own achievements.