If you & SO have different work hours, come in.

[lurkerwithaq]

Firstly, I want to say that I'm posting this here because I frequently lurk on ML, MM and TIP (stumbled across TheNest & then moved over here when you did). You're not only hilarious: you're also super-smart women with a LOT of wisdom to offer somebody like me.

For couples who work different shifts, how do you make it work? Is this a point of resentment/difficulty for you? Is it something that can be workable?

I've been with my BF for about a year; we're both in our 20's. Very happy relationship right now: we have a lot of fun together, and we are compatible in terms of morals/goals/values. I love him a lot, and I love our relationship.

Our schedules are different, though. As a musician/music teacher, he works evenings and Saturday nights, whereas I have the normal 9-5. Right now it works out great, as we still see each other 4-5 nights a week and have found time to hang out with each other's families/friends. It helps that I'm also in grad school, so it's not like I have a ton of time to myself!

As we grow more serious, however, I wonder whether we'll be able to "hold up" like this. Although he doesn't think this will ever happen, there's a possibility his band will play every Friday and Saturday night someday -- these are, of course, the two nights that aren't "school nights" for me. They also tend to be nights where we could hang out as a couple with other people.

(I think what doesn't help matters is that I have an uncle, whom I love dearly, who is in a VERY popular band and hasn't had a weekend to himself in years. He didn't think it was possible either!).

Sure, it doesn't bother me now because I get him most Friday nights (and I'm young and all my friends are local), but I'm curious as to how other couples deal with this issue, especially when married with kids.

I do NOT want to change him -- he's doing what he loves! -- but I also don't want to be ten years older, married and like, "well, shit, I didn't think about this when we were dating."

Let me have it, ML. What do you think?

[Deleted]

MH and I have worked different shifts for years and he worked weekends for awhile. I am a teacher and he works 2-10 with an hour drive. In the beginning it was hard and I spend a lot of time alone especially during the summer when I am off. When we do have off together we spend it together. Try to keep yourself busy when he s working and make the mot of the time you have together,

[greylady]

Let me gaze into my crystal ball and ask you this: will you be happy giving up weekend nights for the next ten years while his band (and his money) chase their big break? Because I was friends will a lot of seriously talented guys in bands in my twenties....and most of them, now in their 30s didn't get the "it ain't gonna happen" memo.

That being said, H and I work opposite shifts. It bothers him more than me relationship wise (he misses me,awwww), bothers me more than him kid wise (I'm on kid duty, solo, five nights a week - suck). If you want it to work you make it work.

[lurkerwithaq]

Greylady: I'm not sure if this matters, but the "band" I'm talking about is a cover/wedding band, not an original band, so there's no personal cost involved. He's paid for these gigs.