I'm going into my dr today - post-op appt from an ovarian cystectomy 2 weeks ago. One of the things we are talking about today is when we will do my next iui.
Not only do I get more anxious the closer we get to treatment, but I also start questioning our decision to be done after this next treatment. Like....last week I was breezy. This week I read a bfing post on MMM and my heart aches about what I might not get to do again. It makes me want to consider IVF even though we've said from the VERY beginning that it isn't something we are willing to do.
IF makes me question myself, my decisions, my wants/needs. I am so tired of this shit. Which is why we want to be done. Its a nasty spiral.
Elsa – good luck today, I hope you get positive news!!
For me, I get excited at the beginning of each cycle ttc – I think this is it, this is THE one.
It’s more the monitoring u/s appointments where I get anxious – will there be any follicles? Are they growing like they should? Will my E2 be where it should? If it isn’t, why not?
By the time I go for my IUI, I’m doubting myself, my body, the process…will this work? Is everything perfect and exactly the way it should be? I am kinda of perfectionist and I want everything (follicle size, E2, sperm count, etc) to be perfect. It never is, I mean that’s life, so the self-doubting begins.
I take prometrium during the tww, so I always have some symptoms and have absolutely revved myself up that I am definitely pregnant by 12dpiui. Then I test and it’s a BFN and everything comes crashing down and I’m devastated, so I understand when you say emotionally you can’t continue this cycle. It’s absolutely draining.
Like you, my feelings seem to change on a weekly, if not daily, basis. Sometimes I honestly feel ok being OAD, I start thinking about some new goals, then the 3 brothers that live next door will be out back playing and I watch my LO, watching them and my heart aches for him. I’m like you in that I’ve always said I won’t pursue IVF, but now I’m second guessing myself on that decision too.
This post got much longer than I was expecting, I guess I just wanted to say, hang in there, your feelings are normal and you’re not the only one struggling, but we’ll figure it out (I mean we have to right? We can’t go on like this forever!)
I literally break out in hives when I go to my RE. I'm a worry wart anyways, and I get SO anxious before all of my appointments. I never thought I would have to do IVF, but here I am about to start up a FET cycle. After my 2nd loss I thought I might really be done forever, but I felt such a huge relief when I decided to move forward and try again. For me I just have to feel like I did everything I could have done.
Sometimes I seriously feel like TTC is like an addiction I can't pull myself out of. There are constant reminders all over the place of what I'm missing out on by being OAD. BLAH
I am a total roller coaster when it comes to treatment. I am all good for long periods of time and then when it starts I get crazy. For me since I am not getting the treatments all I can do is obsess over the details and the timeline and the plan. So I go absolutely crazy thinking about and second guessing the plan.
Yes. Treatments were SUCH an emotional roller-coaster for me. Every waking moment was consumed by thoughts about TTC. Hence why we are no longer pursuing them. It was too hard on my marriage, my mental & physical well-being, and, eventually, would have been too hard on my DS.
A roller coaster is a good description for it. I start off excited because I feel like we're doing something that actually might work (I've never been pregnant without intervention), but it changes to panic when I realize that each failure leaves us with fewer options.