Bernadette came home today. It is strangely comforting to have her here. I hope I can let her go when it's time to take her to the funeral on Monday. If not, DH will have to force me, which he is prepared for, but that's way unfair.
Marisa's birthday party is tonight, and I'm so dreading it. The hugs, the sympathy looks, the well meaning comments. And I have to keep it together so I don't ruin Marisa's day.
She told me yesterday that she wished we wouldn't have found out about Bernadette until Saturday. That's the first time she's made any kind of complaint about how this is affecting her. She has been so strong. But what a birthday, right?
i don't think this is ever going to get easier. I really don't.
I am so sorry. I wish I could give you a big hug in person and I wish there was something we could all do to make this better. Just know that we are here for you, anything you need.
Post by Scout'sHonor on Feb 27, 2015 11:41:28 GMT -5
I'm very sorry. Do what you need to do and I hope M's birthday this weekend can help lift your spirits, even for a little while. We're all here for you.
And I just want to say...I've always know that our online community is real, and special. But y'all (and my DH) are the only ones I can totally open up to, and share my brutal and honest feelings. Having some place I can totally spill my grief. That is what is saving me right now. Thanks to all of you.
Post by theoverlander on Feb 27, 2015 11:50:13 GMT -5
I know you have know idea who I am but I just want to say that what you are going through completely and totally SUCKS. It sucks, it blows, it is totally shitty, and fuck it all.
I apologize if I'm overstepping here, but I lost a baby under somewhat different circumstances. I wasn't quite as far as you (I was 16 weeks) but OH MY GOD it sucked. And the looks of pity just... ugh. But, as hard as it is to know now, it will get better. Part of you will always be sad. You will always wonder what would have been. You will always love that baby. But you WILL be able to breathe again somewhere down the road. You will be able to start to function. It may take a while, but it will happen.
This is so awful, KA. If you need to take some time during the party tonight, please do. You get to control the situation, not anyone else. Even though people are well meaning, sometimes its just too much. Continued hugs to you.
You do you. If you need to take a break during the festivities, you take a break.
The anticipation of the looks of pity was actually worse than what really happens. For the most part, people are concerned, and they want to help. Pity isn't really involved.
"This prick is asking for someone here to bring him to task Somebody give me some dirt on this vacuous mass so we can at last unmask him I'll pull the trigger on it, someone load the gun and cock it While we were all watching, he got Washington in his pocket."
"Not gonna lie; I kind of keep expecting you to post one day that you threw down on someone who clearly had no idea that today was NOT THEIR DAY." ~dontcallmeshirley
I'm sorry if this is overstepping. But can you keep her with you? Is that an option? Would it make you feel better? I do have friends that kept their babies until they were more ready to part.
I'm sorry if this is overstepping. But can you keep her with you? Is that an option? Would it make you feel better? I do have friends that kept their babies until they were more ready to part.
We could...but I think that might make it harder. And I know it would be harder on my DH, which is not what I want.
I'm sorry if this is overstepping. But can you keep her with you? Is that an option? Would it make you feel better? I do have friends that kept their babies until they were more ready to part.
We could...but I think that might make it harder. And I know it would be harder on my DH, which is not what I want.