In 1997, a writer and web developer named Paul Ford walked into a sushi restaurant in midtown Manhattan to meet a group of strangers. These were bloggers—a term not yet widely in use—who, along with Ford, formed a tight-knit vanguard of individuals publishing personal writing online. Ford had been building experimental personal websites since 1993, and had made a name for himself online with his lyrical missives on programming esoterica and New York dating mishaps. He’d never met the other bloggers IRL (In Real Life, a phrase that likely had even less currency then than blogger). He was excited to finally get the chance to do so.
When Ford arrived at the restaurant, however, he froze with anxiety. “I was 22 and the Internet was new and everyone was sitting around a table chatting and laughing,” Ford told me. “Who went to parties where no one knew each other?” He stood just inside the door and surreptitiously watched the group clustered around a table. “I left after ten minutes.”
This incident remains as strikingly plausible today as it did two decades ago. Relationships that travel from the Internet to the nondigital world, or navigate a space somewhere in between, have retained that same patina of weirdness. The stigma associated with online friendship, that persistent doubt that “real” intimacy can only be created via physical encounter, has not faded. Even in this, the Age of Social Media, when virtual interaction populates almost every facet of daily existence, online friendships are still viewed with suspicion. But they shouldn’t be. The time has come to obliterate the false distinctions between digital ties and the ones that bind us in the physical world. Our lives on Twitter and Tumblr are today a real part of our real lives. Everyone is an Internet friend.
John Suler, in his 2000 book The Psychology of Cyberspace, wrote that people “tend to separate their online lives from their offline lives.” But this is far less true today. With the launch of Friendster (2002); MySpace (2003); and, in 2004, the global behemoth Facebook, distinctions between friendship online and off grew more ambiguous. People had to decide which of their friends and acquaintances—many of whom they had not been motivated to see in years—they should befriend digitally. Facebook in particular, with its early reliance on college e-mail accounts for membership, has tied digital identity more firmly to the IRL iteration.
The perception that online relationships are somehow less real than their physical counterparts exemplifies what Nathan Jurgenson, a New York-based sociologist and researcher for the messaging platform Snapchat, calls “digital dualism.” Contemporary identities and relationships are no more or less authentic in either space. “We’re coming to terms with there being just one reality and digital is part of it, not any less real or true,” Jurgenson said. “What you do online and what you do face-to-face are completely interwoven.”
The first mainstream internet communities—and thus some of the earliest virtual friendships—didn’t emerge until the late ’80s, when commercial traffic was allowed online via private Internet service providers like The World, which launched in Massachusetts in 1989. Early online social groups were largely restricted to specific-interest cliques that hewed to the medium’s nerd origins. Usenet, an e-mail and file-sharing client created to sort news by subject, first launched in 1980; the WELL, a dial-up bulletin-board system co-founded in 1985 by hippie futurist and editor of the utopian Whole Earth Catalog Stewart Brand, became a popular gathering point for Grateful Dead fans. IRC, or Internet Relay Chats, were likewise segregated along topical channels, like #anime or #hardware or #geek. The platform peaked in the 1990s with Eris Free Network, and today is largely reserved for illicit hacker groups with a need for anonymity.
In 1997, a writer and web developer named Paul Ford walked into a sushi restaurant in midtown Manhattan to meet a group of strangers. These were bloggers—a term not yet widely in use—who, along with Ford, formed a tight-knit vanguard of individuals publishing personal writing online. Ford had been building experimental personal websites since 1993, and had made a name for himself online with his lyrical missives on programming esoterica and New York dating mishaps. He’d never met the other bloggers IRL (In Real Life, a phrase that likely had even less currency then than blogger). He was excited to finally get the chance to do so.
When Ford arrived at the restaurant, however, he froze with anxiety. “I was 22 and the Internet was new and everyone was sitting around a table chatting and laughing,” Ford told me. “Who went to parties where no one knew each other?” He stood just inside the door and surreptitiously watched the group clustered around a table. “I left after ten minutes.”
This incident remains as strikingly plausible today as it did two decades ago. Relationships that travel from the Internet to the nondigital world, or navigate a space somewhere in between, have retained that same patina of weirdness. The stigma associated with online friendship, that persistent doubt that “real” intimacy can only be created via physical encounter, has not faded. Even in this, the Age of Social Media, when virtual interaction populates almost every facet of daily existence, online friendships are still viewed with suspicion. But they shouldn’t be. The time has come to obliterate the false distinctions between digital ties and the ones that bind us in the physical world. Our lives on Twitter and Tumblr are today a real part of our real lives. Everyone is an Internet friend.
John Suler, in his 2000 book The Psychology of Cyberspace, wrote that people “tend to separate their online lives from their offline lives.” But this is far less true today. With the launch of Friendster (2002); MySpace (2003); and, in 2004, the global behemoth Facebook, distinctions between friendship online and off grew more ambiguous. People had to decide which of their friends and acquaintances—many of whom they had not been motivated to see in years—they should befriend digitally. Facebook in particular, with its early reliance on college e-mail accounts for membership, has tied digital identity more firmly to the IRL iteration.
The perception that online relationships are somehow less real than their physical counterparts exemplifies what Nathan Jurgenson, a New York-based sociologist and researcher for the messaging platform Snapchat, calls “digital dualism.” Contemporary identities and relationships are no more or less authentic in either space. “We’re coming to terms with there being just one reality and digital is part of it, not any less real or true,” Jurgenson said. “What you do online and what you do face-to-face are completely interwoven.”
The first mainstream internet communities—and thus some of the earliest virtual friendships—didn’t emerge until the late ’80s, when commercial traffic was allowed online via private Internet service providers like The World, which launched in Massachusetts in 1989. Early online social groups were largely restricted to specific-interest cliques that hewed to the medium’s nerd origins. Usenet, an e-mail and file-sharing client created to sort news by subject, first launched in 1980; the WELL, a dial-up bulletin-board system co-founded in 1985 by hippie futurist and editor of the utopian Whole Earth Catalog Stewart Brand, became a popular gathering point for Grateful Dead fans. IRC, or Internet Relay Chats, were likewise segregated along topical channels, like #anime or #hardware or #geek. The platform peaked in the 1990s with Eris Free Network, and today is largely reserved for illicit hacker groups with a need for anonymity.
Post by Velvetshady on Mar 6, 2015 18:01:32 GMT -5
My dad used to question my "online friends" and that I'd meet up with random people--even room with some at events without ever meeting them before. Then he retired and started spending time online himself. And now he's stayed with one of his online friends for a couple nights--while vacationing in New Zealand.
MH used to get the death glare whenever he would make fun of my internet "friends." It really took meeting several people, and one internet friend seriously coming through when a "real" one failed me, for him to come around.
Well ... sort of. I agree with the basic premise, that intimacy on the Internet CAN be no less real than IRL and that our digital lives are more tightly tied to our real lives than they used to be. I certainly have experienced that firsthand. And also that it broadens the kind of relationships you can have. I have tons of people on my FB that I haven't seen IRL in years or even decades, that I wouldn't otherwise be in touch with at all but are still nice to keep up with in a distant fashion. I've met people I only knew from here, have crossed paths IRL with people who recognized me from the local board, etc. I consider this place my primary social outlet, given that I rarely go out otherwise.
But to go so far as to make blanket statements like "Everyone is an Internet friend" (depending on how you interpret it) and "Contemporary identities and relationships are no more or less authentic in either space" -- um, that depends entirely on how honest you are. One of the big issues of the Internet is people being willing to say things online that they wouldn't IRL. And I would venture to say that there are far, FAR more inauthentic identities online than there are IRL, simply because it's harder to pretend to be someone you are not IRL, where you can be seen/heard/observed. That's one of the big risks of online friendships or relationships, I think, that someone is misrepresenting themselves -- and it happens all.the.time, which these boards know very well. I think that's the main reason why there's still some sense that online relationships are not on 100% equal footing with IRL relationships, at least until you've met and someone becomes an IRL acquaintance. But that ability to be anonymous and present yourself as you want -- however honest or dishonest -- is so integral to how the Internet works that I'm not sure it can ever be taken out of the equation.
It is interesting to think about the evolution, though. I think Internet dating is far more acceptable and commonplace than it used to be, when I think back to my sister turning up her nose at it when she was single and wanting to meet people. I think Internet friending will probably follow the same path, with the understanding that you're always at risk of running across weirdos and liars.
I have cried when bad thjngs have happened to people on this board like they were an IRL friend. And been overjoyed when good things do. I think the Internet is marvellous for bringing people together.
But to go so far as to make blanket statements like "Everyone is an Internet friend" (depending on how you interpret it) and "Contemporary identities and relationships are no more or less authentic in either space" -- um, that depends entirely on how honest you are. One of the big issues of the Internet is people being willing to say things online that they wouldn't IRL. And I would venture to say that there are far, FAR more inauthentic identities online than there are IRL, simply because it's harder to pretend to be someone you are not IRL, where you can be seen/heard/observed. That's one of the big risks of online friendships or relationships, I think, that someone is misrepresenting themselves -- and it happens all.the.time, which these boards know very well. I think that's the main reason why there's still some sense that online relationships are not on 100% equal footing with IRL relationships, at least until you've met and someone becomes an IRL acquaintance. But that ability to be anonymous and present yourself as you want -- however honest or dishonest -- is so integral to how the Internet works that I'm not sure it can ever be taken out of the equation.
The flipside of that is when you think someone is a friend IRL (that you've known on the internet too) and then they troll you.
By the way, I'd love to meet you all IRL but I do not live in a major metro area. If anyone is ever visiting central VA, however, look me up! I'll take you wine tasting and tell you where the best food is, and we can take tours at Monticello and make snarky CEP related jokes about Thomas Jefferson.
If I've learned anything over the last couple of years it's that my friends who live inside my computer are sometimes more real than the ones IRL; capable of making me happy and grateful but also capable of hurting me more than I imagined.
"Not gonna lie; I kind of keep expecting you to post one day that you threw down on someone who clearly had no idea that today was NOT THEIR DAY." ~dontcallmeshirley
By the way, I'd love to meet you all IRL but I do not live in a major metro area. If anyone is ever visiting central VA, however, look me up! I'll take you wine tasting and tell you where the best food is, and we can take tours at Monticello and make snarky CEP related jokes about Thomas Jefferson.
I'm actually considering doing Monticello for my birthday this year because I've lived here way too long to not have gone. I might hit you up!
If anything, last weekend just affirmed how strongly I care about this board and the ladies that fill it. I felt so lucky and that people should be envious that I have a great core network of people who genuinely care and can dance their asses off and drink mimosas all Sunday morning.
I think it takes a bit more time to explain it to people, but I don't rely on their validation. Y'all are my friends.
I think there was a lot of envy directed at us last weekend, lol! I'm still coming down from it. I'm sad there will be no mimosas this Sunday.
"Not gonna lie; I kind of keep expecting you to post one day that you threw down on someone who clearly had no idea that today was NOT THEIR DAY." ~dontcallmeshirley
One of my best friends is actually someone I met online. Sure we live in the same city, but I never would have met her had it not been because on a message board forum. I've made a lot of friends and hell my husband because of the interwebz. I don't know why folks think these friendships are any less real.
I haven't met anyone IRL (I don't travel much and don't drive long distances), and I don't know that anyone on the boards would consider me a friend, but sometimes this board has been the only thing keeping me sane.
Sometimes having an outlet is good enough, even if closer friendships would be more ideal.
I haven't met anyone here IRL but enjoy the community feel very much. My first real internet community was Springsteen fan boards and I met people IRL from all over the world from those. I didn't meet my DH from those boards directly but rather at a meetup in Boston which was in part created online. He and I have counted up at least 6 marriages that resulted from those boards (I'm sure there are many more we don't know about)
If anything, last weekend just affirmed how strongly I care about this board and the ladies that fill it. I felt so lucky and that people should be envious that I have a great core network of people who genuinely care and can dance their asses off and drink mimosas all Sunday morning.
I think it takes a bit more time to explain it to people, but I don't rely on their validation. Y'all are my friends.
I just need you to take me shopping eventually. BE MY ANDRE LEON, SMO.
Oh, yes please. I've now started asking to myself "What would Smo do with this?" when assessing my wardrobe. I don't think it's made me any better at the whole clothing/fashion thing, but I figure it's a start! I have a creepy internet crush on the fabulousness that is @smorriso. I really am a bit jealous of your eye for clothes and how to put them together.
Post by secretlyevil on Mar 7, 2015 10:04:54 GMT -5
I think the misconception many people still believe is that there is a difference between IRL and the interwebz. That's not the case. There are good people and bad people on the internet and IRL. The web has just made the world really small.
Oh, yes please. I've now started asking to myself "What would Smo do with this?" when assessing my wardrobe. I don't think it's made me any better at the whole clothing/fashion thing, but I figure it's a start! I have a creepy internet crush on the fabulousness that is @smorriso. I really am a bit jealous of your eye for clothes and how to put them together.
Thank you!! I'm doing a closet purge today. So I'll be asking the same, "what would Smo wear?" It's long overdue.
And nuggetbrain lets do it. We can play makeups and go shopping. I am aways down for shopping.
"Not gonna lie; I kind of keep expecting you to post one day that you threw down on someone who clearly had no idea that today was NOT THEIR DAY." ~dontcallmeshirley
Actually being open with y'all has helped me be more open with mom-Internet friends. It occurred to me that if I could reveal all this to you guys and get support/hair pats/straightening out, I could deepen some of the existing friendships I have by being less closed and guarded. Allow people in and let people help.
"Not gonna lie; I kind of keep expecting you to post one day that you threw down on someone who clearly had no idea that today was NOT THEIR DAY." ~dontcallmeshirley
By the way, I'd love to meet you all IRL but I do not live in a major metro area. If anyone is ever visiting central VA, however, look me up! I'll take you wine tasting and tell you where the best food is, and we can take tours at Monticello and make snarky CEP related jokes about Thomas Jefferson.
I'm actually considering doing Monticello for my birthday this year because I've lived here way too long to not have gone. I might hit you up!
If anything, last weekend just affirmed how strongly I care about this board and the ladies that fill it. I felt so lucky and that people should be envious that I have a great core network of people who genuinely care and can dance their asses off and drink mimosas all Sunday morning.
I think it takes a bit more time to explain it to people, but I don't rely on their validation. Y'all are my friends.
I just need you to take me shopping eventually. BE MY ANDRE LEON, SMO.
ME TOO!!!
I've been quiet in the fashion threads, but I've been trying to follow your advice when I shop and have been stepping out of my comfort zone lately.
If it wasn't for Internet chat rooms I would not have met my 8 closet friends in the world 10 years ago. We talk daily and even though we live all over the country, we all gtg every 6 months.
When I was going thru my divorce, several of them hoped on a plane just to check on me.
3 of us were bridesmaids in one of the others wedding.
The list goes on but Internet friends are 100% real.