Is "Twin Day" exclusionary???

[rugbywife]

Let me preface this by saying that I usually 'get' why some things shouldn't be done, that they exclude people, make fun of people, etc..for example, the students and parents always want the admin (usually male) to dress up like girls (aka, wear tutus) as a way of motivating students to raise money…ever since we had a transgendered student at our school we recognized/realized why this is totally inappropriate and no longer do it - even though every year it is suggested...

Anyways, we sent out an email to parents about a 'Twin Day' Spirit day next week…it isn't usually even just twins, usually there are lots of multiples (like one year a whole class dressed up as minions)…teachers dress up as each other, etc…well apparently my Principal got complaints (I am paraphrasing/guessing at wording, I haven't seen the emails yet) that it isn't a nice/inclusionary activity because some kids might be left out/won't have a partner…he said he received multiple complaints/comments about it, I won't have more details til I can talk to him in person on Monday.

This kind of spirit day has been done at every school I have ever been to…I have never considered this point of view…over the top or justified?

[soozy87]

I think it is okay. I mean not every kid might have a yellow shirt but you would probably still have "yellow day". Unless there is a punishment for non-participation I think that it is fine.

[karinothing]

I don't really get why it would be exclusionary? Even with your explanation. DS just had twin day at daycare. Each kid was assigned a twin (or triplet). So how would people not have a match? DS was a bit sad though that his twin didn't wear his assigned color though!

[rugbywife]

Mar 7, 2015 15:16:28 GMT -5 karinothing said:

I don't really get why it would be exclusionary? Even with your explanation. DS just had twin day at daycare. Each kid was assigned a twin (or triplet). So how would people not have a match? DS was a bit sad though that his twin didn't wear his assigned color though!

It isn't organized like that in a school, we don't assign partners and the like, kids who want to participate, do. They talk to each other and decide on their costume. So it would be easy for a kid to not find someone to pair up with or could feel left out. I just had never even considered it.

[ECB]

This makes my head hurt, TBH. gotta buffer our kids from every possible thing that might/maybe/could possibly upset them.

[Deleted]

I thought this was going to be about National twin day. and even when reading the post I still thought that for a while lol. Clearly, I have A different mindset.

But no, I don't think it is inherently exclusionary. I mean kids could feel left out of other spirit days too, not everyone has a Hawaiian shirt etc.

[jackie011]

Many years ago when I taught 5th grade we had a group of girls who would go shopping with their mothers and all buy the same shirts. Then they would decide to wear the Paul Frank monkey shirt on Tuesday. Except, then three of them would coordinate with eachother to wear the Paul Frank shirt on Monday, instead. This left out girl #4, who thought that Tuesday was the day to wear the Paul Frank shirt. This went on for at least a few rounds before we (the teachers) caught on. It was obvious that these girls had grown up together, and their moms were still friends, but one of them simply wasn't "cool" anymore, and the "cool" girls were trying to distance themselves from her. It was kind of heartbreaking to see it all play out and how oblivious the "cool girl" moms were to this situation. They thought girl #4 was just forgetful/misunderstanding the plan. Um, every single time??

So, in it's simplest, purest state- no this isn't exclusionary. However, I can see how it could quickly spiral out of hand, depending on the culture of your school.

[felicity]

I don't know, I can see how this could be a lot of fun for popular kids but easily single out the kids who didn't have a friend to be a twin with. Those kids already have it hard enough and probably feel left out a lot as it is, and this type of activity would just make it harder.

[Deleted]

Mar 7, 2015 16:17:14 GMT -5 jackie011 said:

Many years ago when I taught 5th grade we had a group of girls who would go shopping with their mothers and all buy the same shirts. Then they would decide to wear the Paul Frank monkey shirt on Tuesday. Except, then three of them would coordinate with eachother to wear the Paul Frank shirt on Monday, instead. This left out girl #4, who thought that Tuesday was the day to wear the Paul Frank shirt. This went on for at least a few rounds before we (the teachers) caught on. It was obvious that these girls had grown up together, and their moms were still friends, but one of them simply wasn't "cool" anymore, and the "cool" girls were trying to distance themselves from her. It was kind of heartbreaking to see it all play out and how oblivious the "cool girl" moms were to this situation. They thought girl #4 was just forgetful/misunderstanding the plan. Um, every single time??

So, in it's simplest, purest state- no this isn't exclusionary. However, I can see how it could quickly spiral out of hand, depending on the culture of your school.

I don't mean to down play bullying, but isn't the above scenario just part of growing up and learning how to navigate friendships and communicate.

Obviously as an adult it's hard to watch kids being hurtful to one another and I don't think adults should plan activities that might encourage such behavior but at the same time I don't think adults should try to shield kids from every single possible hurtful thing that could happen. That's a part of growing up and maturing.

I don't thibk Twin Day encourages any sort of negative behavior or mocks any group, so I don't see a problem with it. Not everyone is going to be friends, so if Susie and Sally don't want to dress up with Christina, that's ok as long as they aren't bullies about it.

[CloudBee]

It should be a theme by classroom, IMO.

[jeaniebueller]

Mar 7, 2015 17:58:16 GMT -5 felicity said:

I don't know, I can see how this could be a lot of fun for popular kids but easily single out the kids who didn't have a friend to be a twin with. Those kids already have it hard enough and probably feel left out a lot as it is, and this type of activity would just make it harder.

Ditto. I don't like it.

[sent]

This is the kind of stuff that would make my parents shake their heads every time and be like "don't you people do any actual learning in school? What does this have to do with your education?"

[redheadk]

Mar 7, 2015 18:07:48 GMT -5 @wandering said:

Mar 7, 2015 16:17:14 GMT -5 jackie011 said:

Many years ago when I taught 5th grade we had a group of girls who would go shopping with their mothers and all buy the same shirts. Then they would decide to wear the Paul Frank monkey shirt on Tuesday. Except, then three of them would coordinate with eachother to wear the Paul Frank shirt on Monday, instead. This left out girl #4, who thought that Tuesday was the day to wear the Paul Frank shirt. This went on for at least a few rounds before we (the teachers) caught on. It was obvious that these girls had grown up together, and their moms were still friends, but one of them simply wasn't "cool" anymore, and the "cool" girls were trying to distance themselves from her. It was kind of heartbreaking to see it all play out and how oblivious the "cool girl" moms were to this situation. They thought girl #4 was just forgetful/misunderstanding the plan. Um, every single time??

So, in it's simplest, purest state- no this isn't exclusionary. However, I can see how it could quickly spiral out of hand, depending on the culture of your school.

I don't mean to down play bullying, but isn't the above scenario just part of growing up and learning how to navigate friendships and communicate.

Obviously as an adult it's hard to watch kids being hurtful to one another and I don't think adults should plan activities that might encourage such behavior but at the same time I don't think adults should try to shield kids from every single possible hurtful thing that could happen. That's a part of growing up and maturing.

I don't thibk Twin Day encourages any sort of negative behavior or mocks any group, so I don't see a problem with it. Not everyone is going to be friends, so if Susie and Sally don't want to dress up with Christina, that's ok as long as they aren't bullies about it.

I agree to an extent BUT when Susie, Sally, and Christina are the only 3 girls in the class, if Susie and Sally exclude Christina, it is hurtful, even if they aren't rude about it. 

There were 3 girls in my 4th grade class, me and 2 others. The other 2 were BFFs. They weren't mean, we just didn't click and it was a long year and seriously sucked. Days like this were not at all fun or exciting for me and were actually really upsetting. It's not that fun to be twins with someone from another class that you won't really see except at recess. 

ETA: As an educator, I think it depends on the purpose of the day. Theme days are normally intended to promote school spirit and a sense of community. If the day is unintentionally exclusionary by default, then it isn't serving it's purpose. After all, it isn't the kids that already feel a strong sense of belonging that really need the benefit from these days.

[felicity]

The more I think about this the more it stirs up old feelings of childhood anxiety about these things. Who will be my twin? OMG she's somebody else's twin already! Now I have to scramble and find another twin. WHAT IF I CAN'T FIND A TWIN! What should we wear that isn't lame? And so on. I agree it really serves no educational purpose and I do actually think at this age adults should help kids ease anxieties and not deal with stupid worries like this. I'd be willing to bet a lot if the kids end up stressing more about this than actually having fun with it.

[jackie011]

I like "dress like your teacher" instead.

Also, when did twin day become a thing? This is the 3rd time in my world that it's been mentioned in the past week.

[erbear]

We don't do twin day because in middle school, it is exclusionary, on purpose. Kids are always left out and it's mean.


Kids are exclusionary enough. No need to create a special day for it.

[wildfloweragain]

Our school is about to have a twin day as well, planned by the student government for spirit fridays. My unpopular 4th grader is not experiencing anxiety about it but it hasn't happened yet. I did offer to buy her and a friend matching shirts but they want to handle it themselves. They are thinking about both wearing their 4th grade shirts that everyone has anyway.

I plan to wear a shirt all the kids got for our class play in case any kid wants to wear that, too.


I foresee a lot of girls who have American girl dolls bringing them in with the matching clothes.Which does get exclusionary in our school.

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[mmmomof2]

DD just started Kinder this year and the stupid spirit days are killing me. A few weeks ago there was Rainbow day and each grade got a color. Kinder was green and we did not have any weather appropriate green. I pretended I forgot.

[Deleted]

Mar 7, 2015 20:40:03 GMT -5 @tambcat said:

So you aren't allowed to do any activities where kids might pair up?

Yeah I was wondering the same thing. I know we had all sorts of activities in my regular classrooms and in specials like PE where we had to pick a partner for something. 

[erbear]

having to pick a partner for an activity is different than all of the girls in the class dressing alike and one girl being on the outside. It's mean, it happens, and it's preventable. There are a million better options to build class spirit.

[Deleted]

Mar 7, 2015 20:27:24 GMT -5 felicity said:

The more I think about this the more it stirs up old feelings of childhood anxiety about these things. Who will be my twin? OMG she's somebody else's twin already! Now I have to scramble and find another twin. WHAT IF I CAN'T FIND A TWIN! What should we wear that isn't lame? And so on. I agree it really serves no educational purpose and I do actually think at this age adults should help kids ease anxieties and not deal with stupid worries like this. I'd be willing to bet a lot if the kids end up stressing more about this than actually having fun with it.

Yeah I agree with that. I don't think any of the school spirit theme days serve much of a purpose other than dress up in your school colors. We used to have random ones like pajama day or wear your clothes backwards day. Those definitely did nothing to educate me lol. 

[Ashley&Scott]

We always did theme days during homecoming week. Monday wa pajama day, Friday was spirit day. The other three days changed each year. (Hawaiian, super hero, twin, retro, etc) I didn't think twin day was exclusionary but I can sort of see why it might be.

[darnkatz]

My six year old cried because no one wanted to be her twin. I'm really over these stupid kinds of days, TBH.

[longtimenopost]

No experience with twin day, but I remember once our principal kissed a pig for us raising a certain amount of money.

[bowies]

I don't think its exclusionary per se, but it seems like it's a doorway to unnecessary drama/disruption.

We never had twin day during spirit weeks. My favorite was mismatch day - you could go all out and pile on the junk or just wear two different socks. It didn't require any special purchases or anything.

[thejackpot]

Our Twin Day got axed this year and replaced with Multiplicity Day (I teach at a high school). I don't know how that is much different but ok.

[asoctoberfalls]

Mar 7, 2015 17:58:16 GMT -5 felicity said:

I don't know, I can see how this could be a lot of fun for popular kids but easily single out the kids who didn't have a friend to be a twin with. Those kids already have it hard enough and probably feel left out a lot as it is, and this type of activity would just make it harder.

I agree with this.  I used to HATE HATE HATE any activities where you had to find a partner or be picked.  Even now, as a secure mid-30's adult, I hate being put in those situations.  And I'm certainly not one to shield my kid from anything that could hurt him.

[rugbywife]

Thanks for all the feedback. I am still interested to see which parents emailed my P but it is interesting to read your thoughts.

FWIW, kids BEG for spirit days. We know the hold no educational value but there is a lot to be said for school culture and community. Kids do love crazy hair day, jersey day, pyjama day, tacky tourist day, hat day, etc...at least based on what we hear from them.

[erbear]

Mar 8, 2015 1:09:15 GMT -5 @bluesky said:

If kids are sheltered from everything, they will likely be ill prepared for the real world.

EDIT:  For twin day my DD was asked by a girl to dress up together.  DD was very excited.  The day before, the friends mom called me to tell me that she found someone else to do it with and I was in complete shock.  I didn't see any reason why the three couldn't have done it together... they were all friends.  The mom mentioned the friend didn't want to do it with DD because she was younger and in a different grade.  At first I was upset but I quickly got over it when I realized it will be a life lesson for DD and what matters is how situations like this are handled.  I told DD very nonchalantly that her friend backed out and I hyped up how she has so many other options and friends to ask.  She immediately picked another girl, asked her, and problem solved!  Maybe the situation wasn't ideal but it was a good learning experience.

That works nicely for a smaller kid. That would be devastating to a 7th grader. 

[redheadk]

Mar 8, 2015 19:10:52 GMT -5 erbear said:

Mar 8, 2015 1:09:15 GMT -5 @bluesky said:

If kids are sheltered from everything, they will likely be ill prepared for the real world.

EDIT:  For twin day my DD was asked by a girl to dress up together.  DD was very excited.  The day before, the friends mom called me to tell me that she found someone else to do it with and I was in complete shock.  I didn't see any reason why the three couldn't have done it together... they were all friends.  The mom mentioned the friend didn't want to do it with DD because she was younger and in a different grade.  At first I was upset but I quickly got over it when I realized it will be a life lesson for DD and what matters is how situations like this are handled.  I told DD very nonchalantly that her friend backed out and I hyped up how she has so many other options and friends to ask.  She immediately picked another girl, asked her, and problem solved!  Maybe the situation wasn't ideal but it was a good learning experience.

That works nicely for a smaller kid. That would be devastating to a 7th grader. 

Or even a 4th/5th grader.

Seriously, not having something like twin day at school when there are plenty of other inclusive spirit activities to choose from =/= sheltering kids from everything.