when a loved one is high strung (partial vent)

[bowies]

My mom doesn't have normal coping skills whenever life happens. Something that would add moderate stress to you or I ends up as a life altering experience for her. It's a scorched earth philosophy. I've dealt with it my whole life but it's getting worse to the point I'm worried she's going to have a heart attack or turn into a shut in. Or both. My brother has absorbed this trait from her and has been diagnosed with PTSD. My mom has refused therapy for years. She needs it desperately. At this point I'm considering cutting her off again until she gets it addressed (we were estranged for a year back in 2007). I can't think of what else to do that would give her a wake up call. My dad is happy to ignore it.

The latest iteration is a text I received while at work that she is too stressed out to travel this weekend - they were supposed to move some stuff into their new townhouse (my H, DS, and I were driving over to help). Oh, and they probably won't move at all now, ever. They bought the place just over a month ago. There's no go-backsies. I suppose they could rent it out but, yanno, STRESS. I'm pissed. We ordered a bunch of stuff for DS to be sent there.

I texted back that H and I could keep our plans and take delivery of their packages and furniture for them on Saturday morning (since I'm a solutions oriented person and all). She's ignoring me since I'm not giving her head pats. So now we need to figure out if we can stop delivery on our orders because my mom is stressed.

Ughhhhhhhhh. I want a normal, easygoing, unflappable adult in my life other than my H.

[Deleted]

Mar 16, 2015 15:47:22 GMT -5 bowies said:

Ughhhhhhhhh. I want a normal, easygoing, unflappable adult in my life other than my H.

Don't we all?   The only other person I have who fits this criteria is my therapist.

But I just want to chime in and say I know how tough it is and how much it sucks.  I hope your mom can get the help she needs.  Also know as someone who struggles with anxiety that your mother is probably feeling very ashamed right now so try to be sensitive.  "Tough love" doesn't help in this situation.

[bowies]

Mar 16, 2015 15:54:31 GMT -5 @notquiteblushing said:

Mar 16, 2015 15:47:22 GMT -5 bowies said:

Ughhhhhhhhh. I want a normal, easygoing, unflappable adult in my life other than my H.

Don't we all?   The only other person I have who fits this criteria is my therapist.

But I just want to chime in and say I know how tough it is and how much it sucks.  I hope your mom can get the help she needs.  Also know as someone who struggles with anxiety that your mother is probably feeling very ashamed right now so try to be sensitive.  "Tough love" doesn't help in this situation.

Man, I try. I have anxiety too (surprise) but it's managed. I think that's what pisses me off the most - her refusal to get her shit together. A large part of her thrives on the drama.