check in

[lovelovelove]

How is everyone doing?

[lovelovelove]

Me: I'm doing ok. Like I mentioned a while ago, I don't feel so overwhelmed and flustered anymore. My anxiety has been under control. I let H move back into the bedroom - it's a weird adjustment. He is doing really well, attending 2-3 meetings a week, has a sponsor, etc. But he definitely wants things with us to be ok since he's doing so well and I'm not there at all.

[mel]

I'm struggling. Still. I was doing okay for a few months and then things kind of spiraled out of control the past few weeks because of feelings of loneliness, and thoughts of poor pitiful me, no one will ever love me, I suck as a mom, etc. My anxiety has been extreme. I work 3 12 hour shifts a week as a nurse and I called out to work the last 3 nights for this week because I haven't been able to be away from home since I was gone last week to see my family. It's too overwhelming to think about being away from my coping mechanisms for too long. So by the time I go back to work I will have been out of work for 2 weeks. I really can't afford that.

I am going to another AA meeting tomorrow morning and have an appointment with my therapist tomorrow as well. I really, really need to get back on track. I'm nervous to hear what she has to say since last time I saw her she mentioned that she thought I needed a stronger intervention and I'm afraid of what that means.

[sigir]

I am having good days and bad days. I asked my dh to hide any wine in the house he did not want to just throw away and in true dh slacking fashion he missed two bottles. I took one upstairs to my stashing place, but I reached out to dh before I drank. So I am happy that I did not drink, but some days I am still hanging on by my fingernails. 25 days sober today!

I was counting the days until my psych apt yesterday to get back on meds. I know they take time to work, but at least once I have started I know relief will be soon. Yesterday morning psych called to reschedule bc the doctor was out unexpectedly. Now I have to wait til March 30. I just wanted to give up on life. But, the bad feeling passed. I will cope.

Next week I have to travel for work and it's usually a booze fest but I feel pretty good about my ability to abstain.

Wishing everybody a strong and beautiful Wednesday!

[flex]

sigir, I hope you reach out to AA. It's no fun trying to "whiteknuckle" sobriety. It's okay to ask for help from the people who know and understand what it's like. ((hugs))

[Black Lavender]

I'm ok...not good, not bad, but ok, and I'll take it. I'm still so proud of myself for going to the CEP Denver gtg. It was so good for me. There was a time of really high anxiety when my flight home got cancelled, but one of the local girls picked me up from the airport, let me stay with her and her family and took me back the next day. I'm just so so grateful for her.

I'm trying to get back on track with medicine, I recently switched from Celexa and klonopin to Lexapro and ativan. I have issues with medicine compliance, I usually just forget or I'm too afraid of the side effects to take it. I also know that when I slack off or deviate from my coping mechanisms I feel worse, so I'm trying to get back on track with my journaling, guided imagery and progressive muscle relaxation.

[btay]

I am doing much better, we've had a string of nice weather and I think it has made a world of difference. I'm still struggling with loneliness at times but I'm doing much better about getting out of the apartment at least every other day to grab dinner, or visit a friend. I'm starting to get anxiety about having to move again end of next month so I might start moving stuff to my parents gradually so I feel less overwhelmed.

[flex]

I'm busy with work and have had some stressful days for the past couple weeks, but this is not insurmountable. This too shall pass and all that jazz. lol

[Deleted]

Congratulations on your 25 days, sigir. That's huge. You know you don't have to hang on by your fingernails. AA would give you an entire support system to help you through these first difficult days.

I find that going to AA meetings and meeting some women who understand really helps. My friends in sobriety will understand me, "get" me. Some of my best confidants are women I would have never met, had I not walked through the doors of AA.

Please keep posting here. I'm happy you joined in.

[sigir]

Thanks flex and courtneyloves. I actually looked up meetings this am and have decided to go bc I think it will help me more than solely relying on my dh. He is great but he does not get addiction at all and it does not seem fair to him to expect him to be my sole support. I really appreciate everyone's input.

[phoenixrising]

Meh. My doctor changed my antidepressant, so I am waiting to see if that makes a difference, but my depression has been really bad for maybe the last two months. And my binge eating has been pretty constant lately. I am hoping she and I can come up with something else to help with that. Therapy is going well, in that I am actually engaging in therapy instead of pretending that everything is fine, and all of us in the ED group are kind of getting to know each other and settling in, which is good.

[malibu]

I'm doing well. I returned from a week long vacation to Florida late last night. I'm at work today on a few hours' sleep so I'm tired. The getaway was nice. H didn't drink so that was a positive. I stayed on my workout routine. I got shin splints my second day there, so I rented a bike instead and got my workouts in. I'm still working on trying to curb my tendency to overeat. I did OK on vacation, not great, but I didn't gain any weight.