I wasn't expecting much except a place to post how I was feeling. I know that you guys don't know me. I wasn't expecting anything beyond that. But, I wasn't expecting the catfish suspicions. Truly, I wish I was just catfishing. I think that's why it stings. Every day I wake up and hope for a few seconds that this isn't actually my reality.
I'm not going to deactivate or anything. I probably just won't say much about my situation anymore. I'm not trying to be "woe is me", but I get that that's how it sounds. It is hard. I am at that point where it seems like the people IRL are tired of hearing about it too. I don't know what I am supposed to do.
(((nailbiter)))
Look, just post about whatever you want. Participate wherever you want. I can promise you that there are women here who will meet you where you're at.
You're living a heavy life right now. Being a young widow with a young child and a baby...it's heavy. Of course this is what you post about. It's huge and consuming.
You can come here anytime looking for support and for love and listening ears. SOMEONE will always meet you here. That's the way it is here. NOBODY gets everybody's time and posting here, you won't either, but each time you post, a hodgepodge of us will show up for you.
I am deeply touched by the other widows here who have posted in this very thread as well as those who have lost children recently, lost parents and siblings and grandparents recently. People here are hurting, nailbiter, and yet they come here in their own hurt to try to help you. There is care for you here.
People have their hands outstretched. Take it or not, that's up to you, but please try to let it go about any of the earlier filtering. People are trying to keep their hearts and their friends' hearts safe here. This filtering will protect you, too. Stick around long enough and you will be spared from a true catfish and you will be darn grateful for someone having the stones to flesh out the truth on everyone's behalf.
I'm just going to say that I am so sorry you are hurting, I can't imagine what you are going through. I wasn't one of the doubters, but I have doubted real stories before, because like others have said, we have been burned. I want to offer you so many hugs. I hope you stick around, we are not assholes and this place is a great distraction that can help when things are hard.
Post by autumnfire on Mar 27, 2015 10:54:04 GMT -5
((@nailbiter101)) I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I hope you're able to find the support you need be it with an online group, here, or group meetings.
I've found ML to be a very beautiful place but they're fiercly protective especially with the history. Please try not to take it personally and see that many who did speculate/question are offering you their apologies/support now. That has to mean something right?
A possible dumb idea: If there isn't a site or group for young widows perhaps if you are up to it, this could be something you could start a site / blog/ fb group/page.
A few people had recommended YWBB to me before. I found it and posted there. But, they recently shut down their boards.
I'm just throwing that out there to let you all know that it's not that I haven't tried to find other support.
I've lurked around here for a long time, posting occasionally. I should have posted more. I get that. I guess I came here because it has been my "distraction" for a while, even before my life went to shit.
Please continue to use it as a distraction, that is what so many people do who post and/or lurk. No one posts more in anticipation to get support for a tragedy, so don't beat yourself up over not posting more.
I am so sorry the YWBB board shut down, that must be so frustrating and defeating.
I've always believed you. I can't say that I know what you are going through because I haven't been where you are. The loss of spouse is different than the loss of a parent, I've been there but I haven't lost a spouse. I am so sorry for you loss. I read your posts and I wonder how you do it. To lose someone that close to you that young, unexpectedly, away from family and with a newborn.
I am so deeply sorry for your loss and everything you are going through.
Post by spellingbea on Mar 27, 2015 11:13:16 GMT -5
I'm so sorry for your loss, and it sucks that on top of it your feelings were hurt.
I've seen you receive huge amounts of support from people here, and many of them have suffered losses as well. I hope you listen to their words, and I hope you also stick around and explore other threads, so we can get to know you better.
I've always believed you. I can't say that I know what you are going through because I haven't been where you are. The loss of spouse is different than the loss of a parent, I've been there but I haven't lost a spouse. I am so sorry for you loss. I read your posts and I wonder how you do it. To lose someone that close to you that young, unexpectedly, away from family and with a newborn.
I am so deeply sorry for your loss and everything you are going through.
But see this gets at the point I (and others) are trying to make.
No one knows exactly what another person goes through. We've all experienced tragedy in some way. We've all experienced hardship of some kind. We've all experienced joy, too. You've lost a parent, as have many others here. flex lost her husband, as have many others here. And others have lost a child. I've not personally experienced that kind of loss, but I have lived through mental abuse and parental substance abuse, which has its own challenges. Although certainly it's helpful to commiserate with people who know exactly what it's like to have lived through what we have, we can all empathize and acknowledge, that yeah life can be shitty, but we don't corner the market on the shittiness.
When we're going through hard times it's really easy to get enmeshed in our own experiences and forget that others are going through difficult (albeit different) times as well. And we especially find it hard to celebrate the good things that are still happening around us. That's what makes grief so isolating. Not just the going through it, but the forgetting to connect on someone else's level. That's why we feel that life is going on around us. Because it does. People don't stop. Life doesn't stop. But when we start living and engaging again, that's when things start to get better.
I'm sorry you found that post. I've never doubted your story.
Also, bluesbaby, fuck off. You come here guns blazing about some weird personal issue with the word giant and now everyone to you is horrible. Just fucking go away. All you ever do is come in to posts to complain about people being bitches, when in reality, you are the one who is unhinged and bitchy. You clearly hate it here - why the hell do you keep coming back?
I'm sorry you found that post. I've never doubted your story.
Also, bluesbaby, fuck off. You come here guns blazing about some weird personal issue with the word giant and now everyone to you is horrible. Just fucking go away. All you ever do is come in to posts to complain about people being bitches, when in reality, you are the one who is unhinged and bitchy. You clearly hate it here - why the hell do you keep coming back?
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
We wish you and your children only the very best. Any doubt expressed had nothing to do with you and everything to with the anonymity of the internet. I hope that you stay and find comfort here.
I'm sorry you found that post. I've never doubted your story.
Also, bluesbaby, fuck off. You come here guns blazing about some weird personal issue with the word giant and now everyone to you is horrible. Just fucking go away. All you ever do is come in to posts to complain about people being bitches, when in reality, you are the one who is unhinged and bitchy. You clearly hate it here - why the hell do you keep coming back?
Post by miniroller on Mar 27, 2015 11:50:55 GMT -5
I also wanted to encourage you @nailbiter101, send hugs & all that. I know that people have mentioned that you don't really post in other threads. Your rebuttal is you're very busy & when you do have time, that's kind've all your mind can focus on. Very Understandable. Nonetheless, I just wanted to suggest joining in random/ other threads when you have just a minute or two, because it's a really great distraction sometimes. And it sounds like you could really use exactly that- a distraction!! Certainly continue sharing things re: your late husband too. But maybe you'll find it easier to not find it all-consuming if you proactively try not to let it be all-consuming. (Said in a very kind, helpful, attempt to get you out of the dark zone tone. ((See?! I'm rhyming in a cheesy manner in hopes that you'll get that I'm absolutely suggesting this in a helpful way?!))) Again many hugs. Use random posts for a distraction, & I promise you'll find it helpful in ways you didn't expect.
I don't know if this is an insensitive suggestion as I've never experienced such a loss, but nailbiter, maybe you could try to start a thread one time a week that focus on something else such as your kids or what you had for dinner. I'm not saying you need to move on at all, but we would like to get to know you as a person, not just as "the widow." It might also help you to recognize some positive things in your life.
A lot of us have become friends and this is a great place to receive support, but it does take a little time to build those friendships. I think we are all wishing the best for you. I'm glad you're going to therapy and I hope you also continue to receive support in real life.
I'm sorry you found that post. I've never doubted your story.
Also, bluesbaby, fuck off. You come here guns blazing about some weird personal issue with the word giant and now everyone to you is horrible. Just fucking go away. All you ever do is come in to posts to complain about people being bitches, when in reality, you are the one who is unhinged and bitchy. You clearly hate it here - why the hell do you keep coming back?
well, i wasnt going to say it - but she is right. it's like going to a bar looking for AA support. if you look i the wrong place, you'll be disappointed, a la what is happening to nailbitier.
and i'm not commenting here to be malicious, i've just never understood when people are surprised that an online message board of people who are essentially faceless and nameless, for the most part, isn't the quality support group they need. this is not new information.
I think the quality of forum-based support can be great depending on the type of support one needs. Some of the best support I received after losing my first son came from people I knew exclusively from online communities. Many I had known for a number of years, and others were members of forums dedicated to stillbirth and neonatal loss. I couldn't get the same support elsewhere, and counseling didn't do much for me.
I will say that while I didn't question nailbitier's story, I did wonder about her openness about her loss as an infrequent or new poster. I think in this situation there's a lot of missing context. Little is known about her and the story, and there's no rapport, so this leads people to wonder or grow skeptical. I know I was comfortable being open about my loss on forums I'd been on for years, but if it were recent and I was relatively new to a community, I likely wouldn't be as vocal about it before getting accustomed to the community.
Skepticism is natural when it involves a newer member actively posting on a well-established forum.
I'm sorry you found that post. I've never doubted your story.
Also, bluesbaby, fuck off. You come here guns blazing about some weird personal issue with the word giant and now everyone to you is horrible. Just fucking go away. All you ever do is come in to posts to complain about people being bitches, when in reality, you are the one who is unhinged and bitchy. You clearly hate it here - why the hell do you keep coming back?
Also, isn't your husband a drunk and you are a fattie? Eat a cheeseburger bitch- it will take the edge off.
I'm sorry you found that post. I've never doubted your story.
Also, bluesbaby, fuck off. You come here guns blazing about some weird personal issue with the word giant and now everyone to you is horrible. Just fucking go away. All you ever do is come in to posts to complain about people being bitches, when in reality, you are the one who is unhinged and bitchy. You clearly hate it here - why the hell do you keep coming back?
Also, isn't your husband a drunk and you are a fattie? Eat a cheeseburger bitch- it will take the edge off.
Post by Queen Mamadala on Mar 27, 2015 12:41:56 GMT -5
@nailbiter101 - If you're unable to find a local support group that fits your needs there's the option of online groups. Facebook has some young widows/widowers groups. I have a few friends that are young widows and they actually prefer these groups.