Wwyd?

[spedrunner]

What would you do?

Your husband has supported you for 25 years. He is an alcoholic. Emotionally abused you your entire life. In turn you lack confidence. Feel like everyone is is above you and superior. Feel stupid at times.
You realize this is from years of emotional abuse and from feeling stuck bc you knew you could not support yourself and family if you left. It would be hard
So you stay all those years and learn to cope. You Are in therapy and dealing with all those feelings of guilt. You are getting stronger

Your husband has to go to jail for 6 months. He will lose his job and you will struggle to make ends meet but you will have peace and freedom for the next 6 months.

Nows your chance to leave. He no longer is of financial use to you. You feel guilty for feeling this way. You love him but hate him at the same time. What would you do? Be there struggle and continue to live like this. Or tough things out downsize Struggle. Feel guilty about leaving him but YOU will finally be at peace?

Wwyd?

Stay or go?

[flex]

Go.

I went through the same sort of thing with ex-h. Only he didn't go to jail. I finally left him. It took years for his negative voice to be erased from my brain, but I have yet to regret the decision I made to leave. One of the best things I've ever done for myself.

[spedrunner]

So proud of you flex! Did you have children? How did they feel? Did xh try to make you feel guilty?

[flex]

I have three sons. My youngest was 8 at the time and took it the hardest. My other two sons completely understood why I did it.

My exh is ALL ABOUT guilt and power trips. He very much so tried (and sometimes succeeded) in making me feel guilty. But he was, and still, is a huge drama queen.  I've learned to let go of the fact I can't change him.  But it doesn't mean I had to stick around and be used as his verbal and emotional  punching bag.

[spedrunner]

I am so proud and inspired by your strength!! Xoxo

[flex]

A good marriage that is meant to be shouldn't be a consistent struggle. You get to the point where you realize that perhaps the marriage wasn't the wisest course to take. People make mistakes.

[sigir]

I echo flex and would take these 6 MO to get everything in order and leave. I am sorry, it is not going to be easy. How old are your children?

[flex]

And why do we always feel that we need to "learn to cope"? If it's not the right relationship to be in, why force yourself into it?

I felt that way about my icky ex-bf. I was with him in between my divorce from ex-h and before dating my darling DH. Ex-bf was not the affectionate type (I am) and I remember thinking mournfully "I guess I'm just going to have to have to learn to live with that". Then I met my DH, who was able to fulfill my idea of an affectionate mate. I'm so glad I learned that there was someone out there that was a perfect fit, and that I didn't have to "learn to cope". Make sense? : )

[mel]

Take these 6 months to get everything in order and leave. This is an opportunity to put yourself first and take care of you! It won't be easy but you will get through it. Hugs!

[spedrunner]

Mar 30, 2015 13:45:22 GMT -5 flex said:

And why do we always feel that we need to "learn to cope"? If it's not the right relationship to be in, why force yourself into it?

I felt that way about my icky ex-bf. I was with him in between my divorce from ex-h and before dating my darling DH. Ex-bf was not the affectionate type (I am) and I remember thinking mournfully "I guess I'm just going to have to have to learn to live with that". Then I met my DH, who was able to fulfill my idea of an affectionate mate. I'm so glad I learned that there was someone out there that was a perfect fit, and that I didn't have to "learn to cope". Make sense? : )

this makes me so happy knowing that you waiting for your perfect fit and FOUND it, i feel hopeless at times that I ll never find my match . 

It totally makes sense. I dont want her to "cope" any longer, she doesnt need to, she can be free and live her life to the fullest, I asked her today what she is scared of
she replied
1)  being able to make it financially
2) being alone

Being alone? Are you kiddin gme? The past 25 years she has been alone emotionally!  He has supported her financially but given her nothing else, and she wants more and deserves MORE, i told her today that she is afraid of being alone, btu all these years she has been alone bc her husband, could never be trusted, confided in or relied on. Being alone now would force her to focus on herself. She was alone all the time, just preoccupied with him and her defenses!

[spedrunner]

Mar 30, 2015 13:28:41 GMT -5 sigir said:

I echo flex and would take these 6 MO to get everything in order and leave. I am sorry, it is not going to be easy. How old are your children?

Its actually my mom, 

she has one child (Me ) and I am 34
My brother (who was autistic) passed away 5 years ago

[flex]

It sounds like your mom is around my age. If I was her friend, I'd tell her it's better to be alone by oneself than to be "alone" in a bad marriage.