Temper Tantrums

[alias]

I've read a lot and tried different things, but it can't hurt to get more advice.  What worked for you?  We do time outs, which were working well, but it seems like we're just doing it constantly lately, and sometimes it seems to make things worse.  I've been trying to ignore him, which works after a while, depending on what it is he's doing or not doing.  Sometimes I re-direct.  Sometimes I take things away (when he throws them).  But, we're still dealing w/ a lot of temper tantrums and defiant behavior.  I think the separation may have something to do with it.  So, what (if anything) worked for you?

[theoriginalbean]

Our best option has always been to ignore. It worked really well when Charlie was younger, but Emeline is much more into her tantrums and ignoring her often makes it worse. We've had success putting her in time out, but sitting with her, getting down on her level, looking her in the eye, and talking about what the problem is.

She's also not very communicative, and she gets very frustrated when we don't know what she wants, so this is a regular issue for us between 5 and 6 pretty much every evening.

[jamer]

My oldest stated tantrums young it felt like. They are so exhausting. We rarely have them anymore bc I'm pretty good at knowing what sets her off plus reasoning is easier as they get older.

I would start by ignoring. If she didn't calm down in about 10-15 min I moved to a time out. Time outs only work for us if I leave the area and she can't see me. Otherwise she would get more worked up. Hopefully if you just stay consistent in what you do he will stop having them as frequently.

[karebear219]

E is between 1 and 2 right?

At that age we did mostly time out and toy time out. I tried to keep the punishment relevant to the behavior, like your example of trowing toys.

I found a lot of tantrums at that age were due to lack of communication. Have you tried teaching him sign language? That helped us a TON.

Also talk about the emotions with them and teach them how to direct their emotions. Mad about not being able to do something? Talk about it with him. Give it a definition. Show him how to punch a pillow or take a deep breath. I still remember the time I taught bkb about being mad and a few days later instead of crying she kept yelling out "I mad! I mad!". It was so hard not to laugh at her.

Depending on the kid it can help to give them a hug. When all us fails I try to give her a hug and don't let go for a few second. Sometimes just feeling me helps calm her down. Their little brains get so wound up they can't get out of it.

Oh and I also taught bkb about taking breaks. Now that she's older when she first starts getting upset I ask her if she needs to go take a break and often she does. It's nice cause it's a volunteer time out (even though she doesn't know it) and she gets to take her toys and bankies with her (which makes her happy). It also makes it easier on me. She'll even go on her own sometimes with out being prompted.

It also helps if you stay calm. If you get elevated, he'll get more elevated.

[alias]

He's 20 months. I do make sure he can't see me in time out. They are often due to frustration, like saying "mine! Mine!" and I dint know what he wants. Or, asking for juice or something and me saying no. He knows a few signs, but only a few. He knows a lot of words, but it's still limited and when he's upset he has trouble using words. Being hungry and/or tired also plays into this.

I do try to stay calm, but I'm not perfect. I do get on his level and try to explain things, but he doesn't always understand and sometimes is too upset to listen. I try to explain he needs to take a break and calm down, but he doesn't seem to understand.

Ignoring and picking battles has been working best, but it's not perfect.

The worst is temper tantrums in the car when he throws his pacifier and Elmo, then cries b/c he doesn't have them. Ugh!

[karebear219]

Yup sounds like he's a normal. If it helps I thought two to three was waaaaay easier than one to two.

BKB also went through a huge developmental leap at 20 months so hopefully this will pass soon for you.

[alias]

Apr 1, 2015 13:29:04 GMT -5 karebear219 said:

Yup sounds like he's a normal. If it helps I thought two to three was waaaaay easier than one to two.

BKB also went through a huge developmental leap at 20 months so hopefully this will pass soon for you.

I think he has been going through a big language explosion, much more grown up.

[dana86]

M is 4 and I still struggle with her meltdown/ attitudes.

[picksthemusic]

Yeah, tantrums are the worst. One thing I noticed is that if it's for attention, I try to not give her an audience so she stops the behavior. If she sees that I'm giving attention to the bad behavior, it usually continues. But if I ignore the bad, but reward the good (with praise, hugs, high fives), the good behavior usually continues. But things will get easier as he understands more. I also agree with karebear219 that sign language was a HUGE help with her communicating her wants/needs.

Good luck, mama. You guys are going through a tough time right now and he doesn't have a lot of coping skills for all the big emotions he's experiencing. Try and be patient.

[shevacc]

Parenting is so hard! And what works for one kid won't work for another. And what works for your kid one day (hour, minute, second) might not work the next. We all just keep doing our best and hoping for the good days -- you're doing great.

G used to watch the Signing Time episodes on a tablet every morning while DH took his shower. She knows more signs than I do since I was already at work then. That helped some with communication. For behavior, we labeled emotions, tried to anticipate hunger, and tried to be consistent with limits. G resisted redirection vehemently. At that stage we mostly withdrew attention and took away toys that were causing a problem or were being misused.

[alias]

He's been a lot better the last few days. I've modtly stopped time outs and I've been ignoring, taking away things, and picking my battles. Hopefully this keeps (mostly) working for a while.

I also have tried to keep his nighttime routine very consistent the hour before bed and keep reminding him that we're gonna go night night soon, counting down, and reminding him of what all is gonna happen before bedtime, like we need to put away our touts so we can read books before we go night night. Then, one notebook before we go night night, etc.