I feel like I'm on a MM feelings roller coaster

[UnderProtest]

Does anyone else have times when they feel like they are up and down with regards to money?  We spent a TON on our vacation (well worth it, but expensive), then we find out we have a credit for the kids' school tuition (yay), then we find out that my FIL's health is bad and we will have to take over the family vacation home sooner than later (boo), then I find out that I'm getting an inheritance from a great aunt (yay, but I don't deserve it), then we have a bunch of other expenses come up (boo), then we find out that my husband is getting a bonus payout (yay).  All in all, it is good, I just can't keep up with the ups and downs.  I'm not sure how to process it all.

[Susie]

Ups and downs like that are normal, even without those outside factors. You save for something, you spend it. You save for something else, you spend it.

The way I handle it is I figured out where my comfort threshold is, and as long as the spending doesn't drop below a certain point, I don't have anxiety. All saving/spending takes place above the threshold, and I really don't assign emotional value to where we are on the sine curve at a given time.  We're above the cash reserves threshold, so it's all good.

[my3bears]

I get anxiety with spending money even when it's earmarked. DH is always super calm. My mom is also super calm and talks me down when I'm in panic mode. The combo of both keeps me steady. FWIW I have a great relationship with my mom, so it's not like I panic to her in secret hopes she'll give me money or anything. She just reassures me that it always seems to work out so calm down.

The fact that I'm self-employed with insane income fluctuations boggles my mind.

I do a lot of self-reassurance with spreadsheets.

[UnderProtest]

The vacation was well planned for and well needed (we hadn't been on one in two years because of our move). And the other stuff is manageable. I don't get why I'm having trouble with it all. Some days I think I'm rich and other days I'm poor. This HCOL city doesn't help, expectations are so different. But I also think part of it is that the FIL thing brings up a TON of other in law issues.

[Pom]

Apr 2, 2015 10:02:28 GMT -5 my3bears said:

I get anxiety with spending money even when it's earmarked. DH is always super calm. My mom is also super calm and talks me down when I'm in panic mode. The combo of both keeps me steady. FWIW I have a great relationship with my mom, so it's not like I panic to her in secret hopes she'll give me money or anything. She just reassures me that it always seems to work out so calm down.

The fact that I'm self-employed with insane income fluctuations boggles my mind.

I do a lot of self-reassurance with spreadsheets.

TWINSIES ALL AROUND.

I hear you UnderProtest.   It is crazy stressful.  I have completely felt the same way plus adding in FIL issues on top of it.   I am sorry you are stressed out too.

I went from OMG, FIL's care is so expensive, he is going to run out of money.
OMG, there is some money we didn't know about.  
Okay, we can do this.  We liquidate, we get different insurance to cover meds, medical stuff.
Wait.  He's gone. I can't wrap my head around it.
OMG, Oil and Gas is going to shit, is Mr. P going to lose his job?
Okay, he got a bonus (not as big as it could have been) and he seems busy. We may make it until O&G recovers.
Holy shit, all of the estate stuff needs attended to and FIL's taxes are $5k and the cash is locked up until Mr. P appears in person at the bank 27 hours away.
Thank God we have an e-fund.
Damn, I am exhausted.
You get the idea, LOL. 
 

[compassrose]

::hugs:: Pom and UnderProtest
Financial ups and downs in a short time period ARE a lot to process. When we were living paycheck to paycheck, I struggled with it a lot more (we did have an efund, but it was also the house downpayment fund, so I didn't consider it an option to use for small emergencies). Now that things are, as Susie put it 'above the threshold', I feel less anxious about it. I find having more cushion in the checking account helps with that, too.

[irene adler]

Yes.

Thankfully, much less than I used to--I never want to go back to the grad school days where my budget was so tight that spending $20 at target would give me heart palpations.

[simpsongal]

Lately, yes constantly. We're trying to build our savings and there's always one more thing we "need." Sigh.

[iheartbanjos]

Perpetually. I think that's just part of life. We'll have a few great savings months and then get hit with something. Last month we had to spend a few thousand in plane tickets, hotel, eating out, etc, for my grandpa's funeral. We didn't get to save much last month, but we also didn't have to touch our Efund. It's hard to keep it into perspective sometimes, but H and I reminded ourselves how far we've come. 10 years ago, an expense like this would have wiped us out.

[purpleminion]

I'm with you, UnderProtest . I feel like every time we find some money, it gets eaten up by some big unplanned expense. I try to look at it this way (emphasis on TRY): at least we have the money when we need it. We don't really get ahead that way, but at least we're not going in the hole because of it. You know?

[thebulldog]

This is pretty much why our budget consists of savings, paying main bills and then a pot of money to cover everything for the rest of the month. No two months are ever the same so in my mind as long as we pay ourselves firsr and can pay off the credit card each month we win.


Sent from my SM-G900P using proboards

[phunluvin82]

I have felt like we are on the roller coaster for years now. My H had an okay salaried job, then a job as 1099 where we were barely getting by, a failed business that put us in a big hole, then a 6 figure job offer that involved relocating to VHCOL halfway across the country.

Whenever I feel like we are making progress, something will set us back. But I can't complain too much about the setbacks because, TBH, they are so often our own doing rather than things out of our control. We've learned some money lessons the hard way. We've also spent money we shouldn't have on several occasions.

Now, we are looking at moving AGAIN for H's job. It's frustrating. The last move cost us a lot of money, even with some relocation help. It all just adds up. I would also have to job hunt again and be out of work for possibly several months until I find something new.

Meanwhile, we still have CC debt that we are trying to pay off.

I am more than ready to be off the roller coaster, but some of this is just life I think.

[Deleted]

/Sits next to Pom and my3bears with spreadsheets open....

Seriously, as long as we continue to shovel money into our 401ks and into the market, and our dedicated cash reserves are above a certain amount, we try not to get too caught up in the other bits.

And, I think it's lovely that your great aunt wanted to leave you something special - you clearly deserve it if she thought you did.

[UnderProtest]

Apr 3, 2015 4:27:07 GMT -5 @shoegal said:

/Sits next to Pom and my3bears with spreadsheets open....

Seriously, as long as we continue to shovel money into our 401ks and into the market, and our dedicated cash reserves are above a certain amount, we try not to get too caught up in the other bits.

And, I think it's lovely that your great aunt wanted to leave you something special - you clearly deserve it if she thought you did.

Thanks.  The great aunt thing is a bit weird.  I wasn't particularly close to her so it was a surprise to be included in her will and especially to be one of a few people included when she had dozens of nieces and nephews and probably a hundred great nieces and nephews.  

As I said, all in all we are fine.  It is just the ups and downs I have trouble with.  I guess it affects me more than my husband because I'm the day to day details person while he is the big picture guy.  I dunno.  

[Deleted]

UnderProtest, like you I do all the bill paying and I am sometimes envious of the financial bliss H lives in. Even when we have the money set aside, it is no fun to, say, pay an 8k credit card bill!

But....your vaca... Omg girl that sounds so so so stunning.

[UnderProtest]

@shoegal

Ha. We are kindred spirits.

And not to brag, but OMG, it was the BEST vacation. I HIGHLY recommend going to the Maldives. It was beautiful. The resort was the entire (very small) island and the staff to guest ratio was laughable.

[Roc A Bee]

Yes. I often have a hard time spending money even if I've saved it for that reason. I just remind myself that that's the reason I save. I also pay myself first.

[Deleted]

UnderProtest, can you send me the resort? I am building my travel to do list for the next 10 years hee hee.

[UnderProtest]

Oh, and now my husband wants to book a Disney cruise for this summer. There are SOOOO many things wrong with this statement.

@shoegal www.tajhotels.com/luxury/exotica-resort-and-spa/taj-exotica-resort-and-spa-maldives/overview.html
It definitely needs to be added to your list! Although it is a hike from the US.

[audette]

We're in the midst of major ups and downs... International move, new car, new rental home (with associated deposits and the costs of all the little things you realize you need for this place), new furniture to replace stuff that didn't store well while we were overseas, unexpected dividends from company stock, my company merging and re-org'ing, my hours shifting on a dime, DH stressed about getting promoted (or not)...


I _know_ that this year is the year of uncertainty, and that at least some of the expenses were expected. But, it still doesn't make it easy to handle. I'm in the spreadsheet camp - once a month, I do a full run down of all of our accounts, and the spreadsheet spits out our net worth, so it makes it easier for me to see the big picture view.

[phunluvin82]

Apr 3, 2015 10:00:10 GMT -5 RockNVoll said:

Apr 3, 2015 0:31:51 GMT -5 phunluvin82 said:

Now, we are looking at moving AGAIN for H's job. It's frustrating. The last move cost us a lot of money, even with some relocation help. It all just adds up. I would also have to job hunt again and be out of work for possibly several months until I find something new.

You guys are leaving the Bay Area already? You haven't been there long enough! Is this out of desire or necessity?

UnderProtest, I haven't had as many ups and downs as you lately, but I've totally been there. I think it helps to remember that, overall, we're pretty solid financially. It doesn't make the roller coaster feeling go away, but makes the extremes less intense.

I know!!  It would be out of necessity, but we aren't sure what is happening yet.  If we have to relocate again for H's job, it will be because of a buyout sort of situation and it will be to LA...so still in CA.  We'll see...