IF people- work-related

[Bernadine]

Did you tell your boss what was going on?  I obviously have to explain my possibly frequest and sudden absences, I'm just not sure if I want to come clean on the actual reason.  I like my boss, but I'm generally pretty private about these things.  But I also don't want her to be worried that I have a serious medical condition or anything.

[tinybride]

Back when I was working and we were going through secondary IF, I did tell my director what was going on because I knew there was going to be quite a few appts. He was very supportive, but I also considered him a friend so figured he would be. Pretty sure HR also knew.

[Bernadine]

Apr 2, 2015 10:01:12 GMT -5 AutumnRose25 said:

Yes I did.

I felt more comfortable with them knowing the reason why I would be out frequently and with short notice than I would have trying to come up with "reasons" constantly. Especially since so much is cycle dependent and you can't plan too far ahead.

It was a huge relief to not add that element to an already stressful situation.

This was along the lines of what I was thinking, so I actually just went and told her, and she said that she's actually been through it herself.  So now I definitely feel better about it.

[VeryViolet]

Like Rex my coming and going isn't really noticed so I didn't share with my boss. I like to keep things private and I would have felt weird sharing. I can understand feeling like you need to share if you don't have much flexibility though I don't think sharing that you have "medical treatments" or something vague like that going on is in any way dishonest.

[hopecounts]

I did but I knew it would be NBD and I was confident that my Boss would keep it to herself, which she did.

[cinderbella]

I didn't. Some coworkers knew because they were close friends - but my boss herself didn't know.

Our IUI timing ended up being over weekends a lot of the time so I was able to get by.

[Sloane]

I did eventually, I kept it quiet as long as I could, but eventually the absences and appointments just became too much. Also, we ended up having to travel for it and I was out of vacation time so I couldn't keep taking time off to do it. He was extremely understanding and worked out a way for me to work while I was travelling and have a smooth transition for any time I had to take off so that no one was any the wiser. I have an amazing boss.

[sweetday]

I didnt but they were used to frequent doctor visits because of lupus related appointments.

[ECB]

Yes, I did.

[babyrn]

Yes, I did. It was a big relief because my job is very strict about absences. My boss was very understanding and supportive. I was also able to get intermittent FMLA for IF related work absences.

[redwino]

I didn't. At my old job, I eventually told my boss that I needed to see my doctor frequently for something non life-threatening and he accepted that. I knew he wouldn't pry so I left it at that. At my current job, I would just run to appointments and run back. In both jobs I had flexibility to disappear for a few hours here or there.

[autumnfire]

Yes. Both H and I work for the same boss so we let him know that we'd be coming in late for work due to RE appointments that were 1hr 1/2 away. Our saving grace was we could get appointments at 6:15 am (for the quick blood draws and U/s appointments). Which meant we'd get into work roughly 30 minutes past our usual time.

It's hard but I found telling him made him receptive to what was going on and didn't have to think we were just being flaky about when we came into work. Plus we didn't know how long we'd be going to see them for (close to a year) So there would have been a very noticeable trend and again I didn't want him to think the worst and put our jobs in jeopardy. However I'm also a very open person a take it or leave it type. So for me it wasn't as difficult to say "here it is" to him.

Just saw your update and I'm so glad that you told her and that she was able to open up and let you know she gets it. Wishing you all the best!

[wampuscat]

My boss knew about my m/c and D&C, but I didn't go into detail beyond that. He was pretty laid back and didn't really care why I had to take off as long as I got my work done and made up the hours I missed. Luckily, my RE had early appointments, so I could get in before work most of the time.

[pooh8402]

I did. They needed to know that I would need last minute switches due to monitoring appointments with 1-2 days' notice. Then, my boss knew about my bfp very early due to my having OHSS and having to call out of work for treatment.

For me, there was no coming in late due to appointments. My RE was 1.5 hours away from my hospital, and I work shift work. I can either be there or I can't.

[Zoly]

I did not, but we only did IUI so I didn't need as much time off. I just guessed when we would have the procedure done and took that day off. I was wrong for our second IUI, but thankfully it ended up being a Saturday.

[Muddled]

I did not. I think H alluded to it.

Most of your appts will be early in the morning for monitoring. Every clinic does it a bit differently, but they are often first come, first served, so you may not even be late depending on your start time and the distance. IUI days, I would call in sick or take a personal day.

If you don't feel comfortable telling, you don't need to. Wait and see how it impacts your schedule and if you feel the need to say something, there is nothing wrong with being vague. Let them think what they want.

I'm sorry you're going through this. You are in good (and supportive) company.

[Elsa]

I did. I started miscarrying at work, and needed to leave early after only being there 2 months. When I came back, I filled my boss in. Let her know we had been trying a while, which is why I didn't stop when I got this new job.
I've been pretty open in my small, 4 person, office. Which, usually I'm private, but my coworkers have actually been an incredible support system for me.

I think depends on your workplace, your relationship with your boss, etc.

[KB]

I did not. My RE is very close to my office so I got the earliest morning appointment I could. I only missed a day for my ER since my ET was on a holiday. I don't see my boss very often so I'm not sure he would have noticed anyway.

[sapphireblue]

Sort of. There are two other full-timers in my department. I told one of them. She was able to cover/explain to anyone that I'd be in late or whatever.

My actual boss is very removed and didn't really notice. For all of the bloodwork and related things like that, I could go to a monitoring office close by and just be in to work a bit late. However, for the actual IVF and several preliminary and post visits, we had to drive to a different office that was over an hour in the opposite direction from my job.

When I had the IVF and the 48 hours rest afterwards, I arranged the time off. Then I started getting pressured by our Assistant Director to meet with him and the director about a grant he was working on (last minute). I told him that I was having a minor medical procedure done and that I would rather not go into the details but that I would not be available.

Now that I am 5 months pregnant, my boss knows and I told her we did IVF. She is very sweet and thrilled for me.

[daisybuchannan]

I told my (then) academic AP bc she was the one who took care of scheduling subs. I would frequently have morning appointments and either need a homeroom sub or a first period sub. I knew it would look very odd if I didn't have an explanation.

[yourmother]

I told my boss. But he is more of a BFF (we were counterparts at our last company). We are a very small team of 4 and basically all of them knew what was going on with me. We have a very flexible office schedule and taking time off for appointments was no big deal.

[shoeless]

No. I have always been afraid that telling my boss's would preclude me from receiving career advancing opportunities on the fear that I might be on maternity leave in 9 months. That being said, my bosses don't monitor my coming and goings so I've never said much other than I have a Drs appointment.

[pugz]

I did not tell my boss but she figured it out. I told a couple of coworkers that covered my unit so i could leave early for appts

[bronxgirl]

I did the first time around, but not the second.