I am at a total loss

[happyteeth]

with H's parents and my SIL. I am so upset.
backstory.....SIL is very diffucult, its her way or no way. They do not come here when ever invited, and very rarlely invite us, unless its a family thing. She is very into herself.
anyway, we asked the IL's and SIL to come over today. SIL said no, no surprise. well, IL's came and while talking they said how they stayed with SIL and family at thier vacation house last week, and my BIL whole family was also there etc...
So, we were not asked or considered, we def would of gone if asked!
This has happened before with SIL, and I do not know why. H and I have racked our brains. He says she just "doesnt care"
I am at a loss b/c no one can talk to this girl, she will hold it against you the rest of your life. H is totally convinced that if we try and appeal to her she will not even go to family things anymore. And that if his parents said something she would hold it against them too. I know I should not want to try for such a B, but H and I love our little niece, and rarely see her, and want a relationship.
I think I'm also upset b/c i'm an only child and I always wanted siblings, and wanted my (someday) children to have thier aunts, uncles, and cousins. And I now know that will probably not be the case
I just hate this situation, its a no win any way you shake it

[speckledfrog]

I know it's hurtful. You need to let go of what you wish it would be like and accept the way it is.

[mkesweetie]

My mom used to tell me "Expectation minus reality equals disappointment." I think that's pretty much what's going on here.

You expected (or wanted) your relationship w/ your SIL to be one way, and it's not which has you feeling disappointed. You need to change your expectations of her, sadly.

I know it is hard, and shitty, but if the only thing you can change here is you, and you can't make her want to have a relationship she doesn't want to have (for herself or for her kids).

I'm sorry your feelings were hurt.

[cleo29]

Has she never been close to your H?

[Deleted]

I think you're beating your head against a brick wall. As unfortunate as it is that your SIL isn't what you want, nothing is going to change and getting upset about it is a waste of energy.