SAHM

[sillygoosegirl]

I've always planned to be a SAHM. We've budgeted carefully to make this possible. I hate the rat race with a passion. But in the past year, now that I know I don't have to work if I don't want to, my career has picked up (financially and satisfactorily) in such a way to make this look for the first time like it might actually be a hard decision. Work makes me feel special and important (it's not important work, but I'm really good at it, where as I'll probably just be an average mom regardless), and I love the extra money, but even without kids, I already wish I had more time to pursue other things. Maybe I'll manage to split the difference and work part time in my field. That is my hope. Or maybe once I actually am a mom, it will become an easy decision one way or the other. That would be okay too.

[cheesierthanchedda]

Aug 14, 2012 20:57:09 GMT -5 winecheery said:

Aug 14, 2012 15:34:32 GMT -5 cheesierthanchedda said:

Well hello, neighbor!

Yeah, the cost of owning a house around here is mind-boggling. But I don't think I would ever choose to live somewhere else. I love the Bay Area. I grew up in the DC suburbs, and just can't stand how much I love it here.

But the HCOL is the main reason we have been very anti-TTC for so long. We've been together 11 years, married for 5. ILs helped H buy a house 9 years ago and it's killed us. I wish we'd never agreed to their offer. We've never lived alone. Always at least 1 roommate (even now) and being FT students when we first bought the place meant that we had to put WAY too much on our credit cards. We just finished paying them off this year, which is why we decided we were finally comfortable TTC. I just hope that our years of financial struggling WITHOUT kids will pay off in the long run; even if it means I will never be able to SAH.

My dream would be to be a SAHM until kids were all in school FT and then go back to work part time/work from home. I grew up with a single mom (most of the time) who worked FT and went to law school for 4 years. I wanted so badly to have a mom who was home when I got home from school, to ask me how my day was and maybe make me a snack. I wanted a mom who was available to participate in any of my activities (beyond dropping me off) or come on field trips with me. I just didn't get any of that and I hope that I will still be able to have a better balance than my mom did.

Ugh being beholden to ILs who hold their assistance over your heads=No way to thrive and feel at home in your own home So sorry for that.

But as for the bolded above, I so agree with you, and until we are retiring, we're going no where willingly.

And I was lucky enough to have the kind of mother you describe. Growing up, she literally made every other kid wish she was their mom. Even when I was a teen too. She and my dad divorced when I was 13, and she raised us alone. She basically gave up her personal life at that point to continue to be supermom on top of having to work. She's always joking how exhausted she is now, ha.

I can understand wanting it for yourself as a child, and wanting to be that as a mother now, because I cannot imagine not coming home to snacks, (healthy snacks!) and having someone around to make me accountable for shit, and to come to all my school functions, PTA mom, the works. She rocked. I really hope you get to do that for your kiddo someday.

I should clarify. ILs do not hold it over our heads that they helped us buy a house. In fact, we paid them back every cent of their help within 2 years of living in the house (by refinancing). Andplusalso, ILs lost their home 2 years ago due to a gigantic FUBAR/swindler, and we were able to house them for a year because we had the room.

They wanted to help us, but we were too young and naive to understand the full impact of the financial situation we were getting ourselves into. They were trying to do a good thing, and I know their hearts were in the right place, but they were naive too and didn't realize they were setting us up with a sub-prime ARM. We are very lucky that we've managed to keep our house, all things considered.

And I try to look at it from the perspective of: better to struggle now, in my 20s, before I have kids. I will enjoy the rest of my life so much more. And in 10 years I will be ever so grateful that we have a 4-bedroom house. I know we will, even if it mostly sucks and needs a bajillion dollars worth of work right now.

[SKP82]

I think I would like to SAH, but I don't know if H would really be comfortable having the only income in our household, and I can completely understand that (even though we could absolutely live off his salary).

Thankfully, I have a VERY flexible work schedule and work from home, so hopefully it won't be an issue!

[winecheery]

Aug 16, 2012 15:47:47 GMT -5 cheesierthanchedda said:

Aug 14, 2012 20:57:09 GMT -5 winecheery said:

Ugh being beholden to ILs who hold their assistance over your heads=No way to thrive and feel at home in your own home So sorry for that.

But as for the bolded above, I so agree with you, and until we are retiring, we're going no where willingly.

And I was lucky enough to have the kind of mother you describe. Growing up, she literally made every other kid wish she was their mom. Even when I was a teen too. She and my dad divorced when I was 13, and she raised us alone. She basically gave up her personal life at that point to continue to be supermom on top of having to work. She's always joking how exhausted she is now, ha.

I can understand wanting it for yourself as a child, and wanting to be that as a mother now, because I cannot imagine not coming home to snacks, (healthy snacks!) and having someone around to make me accountable for shit, and to come to all my school functions, PTA mom, the works. She rocked. I really hope you get to do that for your kiddo someday.

I should clarify. ILs do not hold it over our heads that they helped us buy a house. In fact, we paid them back every cent of their help within 2 years of living in the house (by refinancing). Andplusalso, ILs lost their home 2 years ago due to a gigantic FUBAR/swindler, and we were able to house them for a year because we had the room.

They wanted to help us, but we were too young and naive to understand the full impact of the financial situation we were getting ourselves into. They were trying to do a good thing, and I know their hearts were in the right place, but they were naive too and didn't realize they were setting us up with a sub-prime ARM. We are very lucky that we've managed to keep our house, all things considered.

And I try to look at it from the perspective of: better to struggle now, in my 20s, before I have kids. I will enjoy the rest of my life so much more. And in 10 years I will be ever so grateful that we have a 4-bedroom house. I know we will, even if it mostly sucks and needs a bajillion dollars worth of work right now.

OH I see. Totally different. Gotcha. Well, I still hold that I hope you get to be the kind of mother you want to be. And forget the snark towards your ILs!

[IndiaInk]

I will somewhat SAH. I own a farm that is starting to really take off and requires a huge amount of my time. So, I'll be "at home" full time, but also working full time. I may hire a nanny so that I can have my kid(s) around me but someone watching them while I'm working.

I had a great SAHM and have always wanted to be there for my kids in the same way. But I love my work too. I'm glad that it's worked out for me to have a farm which is a really family friendly work environment and I can pretty much make my own schedule.