angry....with my therapist!

[spedrunner]

So I have been seeing my therapist for over a year now and have made HUGE strides in my eating disorder, family issues, divorce, life, anxiety/depression, etc

YES I still have tons to work on, but I am finally sorting through things

Some of my major issues have been
1) my eating disorder
2) the issues with my dad (he is an alcoholic)

Yes my dad is a WONDERFUL man....when he is sober. He is a monster when he is drunk as anyone with addictions knows.

So last week, my mother and FATHER both went to therapy. My therapist has been working with my mom, but this was her FIRST time meeting my dad

All of my issues with my dad and the hard work I have done to let him know where I stand (That I will not spend time wiht him when he is drinking and that I refuse to go anywhere with him if he is drunk, etc)  was kind of thrown in my face today, well so i feel

The minute I walked in the door, my therapist greeted me with

" I met your dad!!!! You are not going to like hearing this, but I REALLY LIKED HIM!!! I love his accent, he reminded me so much of my immigrant family, we talked about gardening, etc, etc, etc........"

I felt kind of .....well unheard , once again. Like my feelings towards him and his alcoholism were not valid anymore, like "HOW could anyone possibly have anger towards that man"

I felt smacked int he face. YES he is a wonderful person, no doubt . I love him to death, tahts why it  has been especaiily hard to distrance myself from his unhealthy patterns, BUT I just felt a bit abandoned

I guess I am just being a baby and wanting someone on "My side"

I jsut find it so contradictory that my therapist pounded in my head that my ex husband (That was also an addict) May have been a wonderful person SOBER, but how wonderful was he really if he was an addict refusing to get help?)  She really pinned that into my head, and now I feel like she is saying "Your dad is different than your XH"

No. He is not. They are BOTH wonderful sober, but both have major addictions that completley alter them and have taken a serious toll on my mom and myself over the years

Gladly I am truly realizing it doesnt really matter. I am doing what is best for me and trying to maintain a relationship wiht my father, with clear expectations , so I know I am probably taking her words out of context, BUT it still hurt

Vent over  Big girl panties BACK ON 

[phoenixrising]

I think you have every reason to be angry with your therapist. I find that sometimes, because of how deep the therapist-client bond can become, there might be times when my therapist kind of slips out of therapist mode and says something that rubs me the wrong way. I have, in the past, sort of ignored it, but last time she did something I found to be hurtful (you may remember when I found out sort of through the grapevine that she was going out on leave for a month, which meant a nine-week therapy hiatus through the holidays, which is not the best time of year for anyone in therapy to be unexpectedly without therapy resources), I found myself telling her that I was upset and angry and disappointed in how she handled that. And even though every fiber of my being is always expecting for someone to leave/desert/abandon me when I am that transparent, she did not do that at all. She apologized, and we talked it out, and I feel like our therapy-client relationship is in a great place now.

You are not being a baby. She should be on your side. That is one of the benefits of having a therapist. It's for this reason that I would never want my therapist to see one of my family members. In my mind, she is "mine," and I don't want to have to share her. I sometimes even feel that way in our ED group because she is the therapist for some of the other people in the group, and sometimes I get a little jealous that she knows them as well as she knows me.

Would you be comfortable telling her this? I know my therapist honestly didn't think about how I would react to her leave, partly because I had been careful not to seem like I needed her too much. Now that that is behind us, I know that she is there for me, and she knows that I need her to be there for me. I feel much more secure in where we stand with each other now.

[spedrunner]

Yes I think next time I will tell her bc after all this is partially what I'm working on! She is no differmt. She is apps till a person with whom I have a relationship with. I'd tell my friend or mom if I felt hurt. I should tell her.

I'm sure I misread her and she did not intend in making me feel this way but you are right. I should talk about it with her

[Deleted]

I'm thinking she crossed the line. Therapists shouldn't comment on other clients; even though he is your dad, she was being unprofessional. Why do your mom and dad have to see the same therapist as you?

[malibu]

I definitely think you should bring it up with her. To gush about someone she's trying to help you deal with and place boundaries with as he continues to live life as an addict - someone you've told the bad stuff to - is unprofessional at best, hurtful at worst.

[livinitup]

I think you show a great deal of insight and awareness. I also think that talking about this with your therapist is WONDERFUL PRACTICE for real life. Your father and your ex aren't the only people you will like / not like - on occasion. Anyway, it's a safe place to say all of this. Do it!

[SwimDeep]

I just want to say that this is my fear about bringing my parents (both alcoholics - though they don't admit it) into talk with my therapist. My parents can be wonderful people, and they're very good at convincing other people that I'm the only person with a problem.

I hope you're able to work through it with your therapist!

[phoenixrising]

My therapist asked me once about bringing my mom in for a session. I nixed the idea immediately because therapy is my safe place, and I don't want to have my mom there. My therapist was supportive of that and has not brought it up again.

[Deleted]

Why is your therapist seeing all of you?