I found chewing tobacco in dh's truck and I told him to leave the house. I am so upset because he promised to give it up when when got married (yes i know that never works).
He did quit doing it daily but did it occasionally. Then we had children he said hed never do it again. Here we are two years later and I found the shit in his truck. He swore he only did it because he had a long drive and needed to Stay awake.
I'm an emotional mess because I just lost my father to cancer and Im scared to see it happen again to my loved ones. Fuck. I know I can't make him change. He knows he screwed up and said he will do better but I don't believe him.
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"I was thinking about getting off on demand, but it sounds like I should be glad that I didn't"
Yes i know I'm losing my shit right now. I feel like I should probably look into therapy. Im having issues thinking everything is catastrophic and I overreact. I can't be like this particularly in front of our kids.
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"I was thinking about getting off on demand, but it sounds like I should be glad that I didn't"
I can empathize with you. I have been dealt a similar situation recently. But it is a VERY hard habit to break and I think that it's best to calm down (I hate it when people say that to me...sorry) and try to recognize that he has at least been trying to some extent.
Regardless, it's good you recognize the overreaction. Call him and apologize.
Yes I asked him to come talk to me for a minute in the other room and told him to get out or id leave. I was prepared to take the kids with me but said its easier if he left. I was so mad I couldn't look at him.
I feel like i was a bitch but I can't live through losing someone I love to cancer again. I'm just always fearing the worst and I hate feeling this way. I need to deal with these fears.
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"I was thinking about getting off on demand, but it sounds like I should be glad that I didn't"
Regardless, it's good you recognize the overreaction. Call him and apologize.
Yes I asked him to come talk to me for a minute in the other room and told him to get out or id leave. I was prepared to take the kids with me but said its easier if he left. I was so mad I couldn't look at him.
I feel like i was a bitch but I can't live through losing someone I love to cancer again. I'm just always fearing the worst and I hate feeling this way. I need to deal with these fears.
I think this is more than you're angry at finding chewing tobacco in his truck. You need to learn some coping skills. I'm not saying that your fears of losing a loved one to cancer are invalid, but you're really overreacting, which tells me that you do need help from a therapist.
And yeah you probably would cry and you may not make sense, but a really good therapist will talk you through all of that.
Please get help.
And one more thing: tobacco use is NOT just a bad habit. It's an addiction, and it's a very hard addiction to overcome. Even more so than alcohol.
"Why would you ruin perfectly good peanuts by adding candy corn? That's like saying hey, I have these awesome nachos, guess I better add some dryer lint." - Nonny
Yes I asked him to come talk to me for a minute in the other room and told him to get out or id leave. I was prepared to take the kids with me but said its easier if he left. I was so mad I couldn't look at him.
I feel like i was a bitch but I can't live through losing someone I love to cancer again. I'm just always fearing the worst and I hate feeling this way. I need to deal with these fears.
I think this is more than you're angry at finding chewing tobacco in his truck. You need to learn some coping skills. I'm not saying that your fears of losing a loved one to cancer are invalid, but you're really overreacting, which tells me that you do need help from a therapist.
And yeah you probably would cry and you may not make sense, but a really good therapist will talk you through all of that.
Please get help.
And one more thing: tobacco use is NOT just a bad habit. It's an addiction, and it's a very hard addiction to overcome. Even more so than alcohol.
I'm sorry you've lost such a dear loved one to cancer. That being sad, I think that you're grossly overreacting, which makes me think there are other factors with why you flew off the handle so quickly. I think therapy would be great, and you need to start like, now. It's great that you were able to recognize you were out of line, and will make the whole process a lot easier.
Yes. He went to a hotel down the road and emailed me how sorry he is.
How Does therapy help? Ive never been. I'd probably just cry and not make much sense.
therapy definately will help. Crying is typical i think. I cried every first session i had. Therapists will make sense of your feelings and situation, it's their job. You did over react but it seems your fathers recent deathhas something to do with that.
I understand that you are going through an extremely difficult time right now having just lost a parent but you need to wrangle that in and not let it destroy your marriage. If you truly love your husband and want to be with him, get yourself into therapy ASAP as others have suggested.
You have zero control over whether someone else you love gets cancer. Your husband could never chew again and still get cancer. You really need to speak to a professional who can help you out here. I wish you all the best.
Are you more upset about the tobacco or that he lied to you? Or is it an emotional reaction coming out of your recent loss? I think you need to get this figured out and talk to your H about it. It's crappy, but if this is the worst thing he ever does/has done/will do, you guys have a good thing going, and you don't want to throw that away, right?