Do you have that "spark" with your husband?

[cookie510]

PDQ, I will probably delete because I'm paranoid.

[stellas]

It comes and goes. I think that's normal?

[kaybee85]

Depends. Yes, we've gone through spells where it's not as passionate, but during those times I've still been attracted to him, just not like HOT for him, and then it comes back.

[BaliHai]

It ebbs and flows, which I think is to be expected over the course of a relationship.

[papie]

I think I need you to define spark. We are super attracted to each other and are clearly in love. We go through phases where we want to kill each other though. And through phases where he just annoys me with all the little things he does (like breathing!).

[pantsparty]

Don't compare yourself to recently engaged people. LOL.

[ninjabridemom]

Ebb/flow. It's harder for us w kids b/c we can't be spontaneous and that was (apparently!!) a huge part of it for us.

But we had a nice night the other night that was very reminiscent of pre-kids and those occasions, even if infrequent, help me remember we are still crazy about each other.

[circa1978]

May 5, 2015 13:36:45 GMT -5 pantsparty said:

Don't compare yourself to recently engaged people. LOL.

This is excellent advice. I love my husband deeply but I don't, like, tremble when he comes into the room.

[rosiebear]

Yes, definitely. But it can't really be compared to an engaged couple's - that can't be sustained, right?
But yeah, my H has it goin' on.

[specialk]

I don't think we have that "spark" that we had when we first got together, and we are certainly challenged by opposite schedules and the baby, but I think what we have is deeper and more meaningful than that. I hope I'm not deluding myself on that note.

[Deleted]

The spark is usually gone the entire year after childbirth.


Then is slowly comes back.


I am back to madly in love with my H by the time my kids are two years or older.

[fryjack2]

I know H and I annoyed my already married for 7 years brother and SIL with our "spark." They were in in the trenches of life with toddler twins and we were carefree and in Loooooove.

Now we are the ones with preschool aged twins and my brother and SIL are back to having fun again. LOL.

[cookie510]

I know that it comes and goes in relationships. I guess I'm just questioning it more now because we really don't have it and it seems like maybe it's a bigger deal that normal relationship up & downs. We're just not into each other lately.

Hopefully it's just a phase.

[underwaterrhymes]

You can't compare the spark you have with someone you've been married to awhile and with whom you have kids together with another couple who isn't even married yet.

If you compared H's and my pre-married spark with our spark today you'd see a difference for sure.

We still have a spark, but it's a different kind of spark than it was 10 years ago. And, honestly, I'm glad it's different because we are comfortable with each other and that means the world to me, especially since I am typing here while wearing Depends thanks to my bronchitis / pregnancy incontinence issues.

ETA - H bought them for me. I've never had to take my diapers off pre-sex before as I did this morning. THAT is something the pre-married Rhymeses would have found horrifying, but the post-children Rhymeses  laughed about.

[cookie510]

May 5, 2015 13:36:45 GMT -5 pantsparty said:

Don't compare yourself to recently engaged people. LOL.

Ha, true!!

[ninjabridemom]

May 5, 2015 13:37:55 GMT -5 fryjack2 said:

I know H and I annoyed my already married for 7 years brother and SIL with our "spark." They were in in the trenches of life with toddler twins and we were carefree and in Loooooove.

Now we are the ones with preschool aged twins and my brother and SIL are back to having fun again. LOL.

Sidetrack: Did you see the ISGM GTG? May 16. PM me for deets if you guys are interested.

[cookie510]

I should add that my sister has been with her fiance for about 6 years and they have a 3 year old....so it's a little different.

[olives]

I think we're in a comfortable stage now, no sparks flying, but it's because we're busy and there is just so much going on. But sometimes I miss those days.

[Deleted]

Sure, but it's much different than it was in the beginning. We're madly in love, but it has more to do with everything we've accomplished as a couple and our family, rather than "omg you're just the cutest. Isn't he the cutest? God"

[pantsparty]

It ebbs and flows even without kids. Attraction, love, and sex are all parts of a relationship that need work.

Like sometimes I feel like we're becoming roommates, and I need to remind myself to hop back on that pogo stick. LOL. I have to imagine this is a lot tougher to do when you have young children.

[pittsmcgee]

Yes. It is not always there, since we've been together for 8 years, but it always shows back up.
Like right now I have butterflies thinking about when he comes home from his business trip on Friday.

A couple of weeks ago, I just wanted him to GO AWAY.

[lilac05]

It definitely comes and goes.

At times when we don't really feel that spark, we are more purposeful about doing things with/for each other. Sometimes we get so consumed in the day-to-day life that we kind of take our relationship for granted. Have a few "date nights"...even if it's just a planned movie and snacks after your LO is asleep. We have a standing date to watch Blacklist in bed while eating snacks every Friday night. Seems silly, but the one small thing has made us more connected. (We always just watch TV together after the kids are in bed, but we call this a date & the mindset is different.)

If you once had that spark, chances are really good that you can get it back! (Though it'll be different than an engaged couple!) It just takes some work at times.

[EmilieMadison]

It's easy to see the spark in someone's bright and shiny, almost married relationship. It's harder to see it sometimes in your own been there-done that marriage. 

DH and I have been married for almost 12 years. We definitely have that spark. Sometimes it's really obvious. Sometimes it's barely there. But that's how it works. 

[Dezi]

We have had a spark and I'm sure that we will again. We're just in a tough, stressful time right now which makes it difficult.

[isabel]

Do you watch Friends? Go watch 'The One with Rachel's Inadvertent Kiss.'

Monica is trying to be a hotter couple than Phoebe and her new guy. Chandler's speech to her at the end of it is great.

[trafficgirl]

I will admit that I never really felt that spark with H. I never thought "god, he's so hot" - I was attracted to him, but honestly more to his personality than anything else.

I love and respect the hell out of him though. Like I look at him and think how lucky I am to be married to him and get kind of googly-eyed.

I sometimes get sad that we don't have that spark (at least on my end, and I'm pretty sure on his end too), but after being in relationships without love and respect I appreciate the latter way more.

And also ditto pantsparty

[Deleted]

We have the spark most of the time but def have gone through periods of not having it. Kids will do that to you. Life does that to you. Time does that to you.
I think its normal

[wambam]

I would say that it’s very obvious that we love one another deeply and are best friends. I don’t think our “spark” is always visible.

[firelight1210]

May 5, 2015 13:48:23 GMT -5 Queen Dick, Hibernating Bear said:

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I. I don't even...

[fryjack2]

May 5, 2015 13:40:15 GMT -5 ninjabridemom said:

May 5, 2015 13:37:55 GMT -5 fryjack2 said:

I know H and I annoyed my already married for 7 years brother and SIL with our "spark." They were in in the trenches of life with toddler twins and we were carefree and in Loooooove.

Now we are the ones with preschool aged twins and my brother and SIL are back to having fun again. LOL.

Sidetrack: Did you see the ISGM GTG? May 16. PM me for deets if you guys are interested.

I did, but we will be in NYC