Can I vent about kid-free weddings?

[huey]

I get that it is the bride and groom's choice ...yada yada yada

But they are such a pain in the ass. Our very good friend is getting married in Chicago in a couple months and have requested we don't bring our kid.

So, the choices are: leave her and travel out of state for 4 days (um, no thanks), one of us not go to the wedding or reception and stay in the hotel with her, trust friend to find a babysitter (not really comfortable) or bring someone with us - which is what we've decided to do.

But I'm irritated at how inconvenient it's turning out to be.

Hmph....

Sorry, I am looking at hotels in Chicago and about to choke on the prices, so I'm grouchy about that today.

[countthestars]

Why do you have to go for 4 days?

[Deleted]

We went to a wedding last weekend that our son wasn't invited to. Which honestly, fine, he's a terror and it was local so no biggie to find a sitter and leave him.

Except after we went I realized our kid was the only kid not invited. The other kids are older (5+) but it seemed so strange to invite all the kids except ours. I don't think he has a reputation - the bride and groom had only met him once, long ago when he was cute and immobile.

I wouldn't go to a wedding that required travel and finding a sitter... but I don't like weddings that much to begin with.

[huey]

Aug 14, 2012 11:10:40 GMT -5 countthestars said:

Why do you have to go for 4 days?

We drive there Thursday, wedding Friday, thought we'd stay Saturday and come back Sunday.

It's a longer drive, but cheaper than flying, and we have friends from FL coming that we haven't seen in a while so we thought since we'll all be there, we might spend some time together.

[countthestars]

Ah that makes sense. That stinks that she wasn't invited, but hopefully you'll have lots of fun on your night out without her! It will be worth it to be able to spend a few days with friends.

[vanillacourage]

How old is your kid? I would not think that 4 days away is a big deal as long as you have decent sitters. But I do know that all parents have different comfort levels with how old their kiddo is before they go out of town.

[6fsn]

I feel your pain. DH was a groomsman in an OOT, kid free, Friday wedding. The rehearsal was at 3 pm on a Thursday. Any one of those things would have been annoying, but added together it was a massive inconvenience.

[huey]

Aug 14, 2012 11:17:29 GMT -5 vanillacourage said:

How old is your kid? I would not think that 4 days away is a big deal as long as you have decent sitters. But I do know that all parents have different comfort levels with how old their kiddo is before they go out of town.

She'll be 8 months and I'm just not comfortable leaving her for 4 days while we are out of state.

Plus, and maybe this is the kicker, they bride and groom are excited to meet her (they are very good friends) she just can't come to the wedding, which is why they offered to find a sitter.

And our friends from FL haven't met her yet.

[dancingirl21]

Priceline something when it gets closer. We do that frequently in Chicago (Michigan Ave/River North) and have usually gotten $75 rooms about 2 weeks out

[crazygame]

My daughter is 21 months old and I don't even bring her to weddings to which she is invited. She's not going to enjoy a wedding ceremony and she goes to bed at 7:30, so having her at a dinner reception makes no sense. Hopefully you all have a great night out and then a great weekend in Chicago with her.

[tardyfortheparty]

I was a BM in an OOT wedding when DS was 2mos old. He wasn't invited to the wedding and I wouldn't have wanted him there. My mom came along to watch him and we enjoyed an adult free evening, which was really great!

But I don't like to bring my kids to weddings...DH and I look at it as a rare treat of a night out.

[ECB]

Aug 14, 2012 11:38:46 GMT -5 crazygame said:

My daughter is 21 months old and I don't even bring her to weddings to which she is invited. She's not going to enjoy a wedding ceremony and she goes to bed at 7:30, so having her at a dinner reception makes no sense. Hopefully you all have a great night out and then a great weekend in Chicago with her.

This! We've taken DS to one wedding because it was a family wedding and people wanted to meet him. He was only 8 months at the time, so it wasn't "too" bad - but all in all, even if invited, I prefer to go to events like this w/o him.

[h]

While I get that it is difficult for out of towners with young kids, I don't mind kid-free weddings at all. IME, it is tough to enjoy the wedding if you are running after a toddler, and they do change the feel of the event. When we have gone to out of town weddings that our kids weren't invited to we have either taken a grandparent with us, left the kids with the grandparents, or gotten a rec from a friend for a local sitter, depending on the kids' ages and the wedding location. All have worked out well.

[badtzmaru22]

I feel your pain. We have an OOT wedding in October. We have no family here, nor in the wedding city, and DD will be almost 8 mos. she is BFing and not sleeping through the night. Who wants to babysit that? Also DH is in the wedding, and we only know the bride and groom. There is also a huge gap between the ceremony and reception, and I'm supposed to sit alone in a hotel room with my pump while DH is getting pictures taken and drinking? I don't even want to go.

[birdmom]

If you're not a parent, you don't really get what it's like to leave your kid with someone you don't know. My cousin got married out of town and kids weren't invited. They said that they would be happy to get a sitter and they could watch DS at their apartment. I was totally uncomfotable with that (he was 8 months at the time), so we sent our regrets. Honestly, though, before I had kids, I would have thought that this would have been a perfectly acceptable solution. Now that I'm a mom, not so much!

[h]

Aug 14, 2012 12:32:52 GMT -5 birdmom said:

If you're not a parent, you don't really get what it's like to leave your kid with someone you don't know. My cousin got married out of town and kids weren't invited. They said that they would be happy to get a sitter and they could watch DS at their apartment. I was totally uncomfotable with that (he was 8 months at the time), so we sent our regrets. Honestly, though, before I had kids, I would have thought that this would have been a perfectly acceptable solution. Now that I'm a mom, not so much!

I am a mom and would consider this a totally acceptable solution IF the sitter is someone they know personally and not just a random they found off Craig's List or something. Do you/would you never use a babysitter that is referred by a friend?

[ECB]

Aug 14, 2012 12:38:17 GMT -5 h said:

Aug 14, 2012 12:32:52 GMT -5 birdmom said:

If you're not a parent, you don't really get what it's like to leave your kid with someone you don't know. My cousin got married out of town and kids weren't invited. They said that they would be happy to get a sitter and they could watch DS at their apartment. I was totally uncomfotable with that (he was 8 months at the time), so we sent our regrets. Honestly, though, before I had kids, I would have thought that this would have been a perfectly acceptable solution. Now that I'm a mom, not so much!

I am a mom and would consider this a totally acceptable solution IF the sitter is someone they know personally and not just a random they found off Craig's List or something. Do you/would you never use a babysitter that is referred by a friend?

I agree. Most sitters I've used - while we at least have the opportunity to meet before actually using them or someone I know recommended them, in the end, they are a "stranger" the first time I use them.

We just went to a family event last week and while DS was invited to everything, due to schedules (time zone issues too) - our cousins offered us a sitter who they use themselves and very strongly recommend. If it weren't for other factors, we would have actually had no problem using her.

[nannersp]

Aug 14, 2012 12:38:17 GMT -5 h said:

Aug 14, 2012 12:32:52 GMT -5 birdmom said:

If you're not a parent, you don't really get what it's like to leave your kid with someone you don't know. My cousin got married out of town and kids weren't invited. They said that they would be happy to get a sitter and they could watch DS at their apartment. I was totally uncomfotable with that (he was 8 months at the time), so we sent our regrets. Honestly, though, before I had kids, I would have thought that this would have been a perfectly acceptable solution. Now that I'm a mom, not so much!

I am a mom and would consider this a totally acceptable solution IF the sitter is someone they know personally and not just a random they found off Craig's List or something. Do you/would you never use a babysitter that is referred by a friend?

Yup, ditto the above. We attended my aunt's out-of-town retirement party, which was a big deal at a hotel and went way past my daughter's bedtime, and we were perfectly fine leaving our 8-month-old with their teenage family friend in our hotel room. She regularly watched some of the other kids in the family, so we felt comfortable with her.

[birdmom]

Aug 14, 2012 12:38:17 GMT -5 h said:

Aug 14, 2012 12:32:52 GMT -5 birdmom said:

If you're not a parent, you don't really get what it's like to leave your kid with someone you don't know. My cousin got married out of town and kids weren't invited. They said that they would be happy to get a sitter and they could watch DS at their apartment. I was totally uncomfotable with that (he was 8 months at the time), so we sent our regrets. Honestly, though, before I had kids, I would have thought that this would have been a perfectly acceptable solution. Now that I'm a mom, not so much!

I am a mom and would consider this a totally acceptable solution IF the sitter is someone they know personally and not just a random they found off Craig's List or something. Do you/would you never use a babysitter that is referred by a friend?

I have never used a babysitter referred by a friend, mostly because we have family and friends nearby who babysit for us when necessary. I would, however, if it was the referral of a good friend that I trusted. This particular cousin I am not really fond of, and I can't say that I trust her judgment, so maybe that was my hesitation.

[blue1980]

I agree with birdmom. You just don't get it until you are a parent. We are invited to my cousin's kid free OOT wedding in a month. My cousin seems to be under the impression that DH and I should be overjoyed to have a wild and crazy weekend away from DD. She has no idea how much my life has changed in the past few years. I am dreading her wedding but I would catch hell from my family if we didn't go. And no way would I let my cousin line up a sitter for me. Thankfully my SIL is available.

[mollybrown]

I'm a parent, and did not want children at my wedding. I would never have put pressure on anyone from OOT with children to attend my wedding. It worked out that no one with small children attended our wedding anyway, but I would have made arrangements to have a sitter on site. If I really wanted those people to travel to my wedding with a child, that would have been a small expense.

I still prefer child free weddings, but it is unlikely that I would travel to one with my children. It would have to be an immediate relative.

[cookiemdough]

I am a parent. I went to a destination wedding for four days when DS was about 6 months. I was still nursing. His grandmothers watched him, we had a great time, pumping and dumping was a pain in the butt but other than that everything was fine. It has nothing to do with being a parent and everything to do with whether you are willing to make arrangements for your friend's wedding. If not, then don't go and send your regrets.

[hocus]

Aug 14, 2012 11:40:25 GMT -5 @msstarry said:

I totally agree it is a couple's choice to have a child free wedding. It is also my choice to decline if that doesn't work for me. Back when I was on the knot, people didn't seem to get that...

I most likely will not be accepting invites to OOT weddings that are child free until she is a few years old, unless I had family to watch her.

ETA: I will attend in town weddings that are child-free, as I hope to have a regular baby sitter in town. It's just the leaving my child with someone I have never met before that I am uncomfortable with.

This. I would not bring the kid. Your friends can see pictures. I'd go alone if it came down to it. I totally get kid free weddings. Most weddings around here are fancy late night afairs which are not kid friendly. The last thing I want to do is bring my kid to a wedding like that.

[hocus]

Aug 14, 2012 12:32:52 GMT -5 birdmom said:

If you're not a parent, you don't really get what it's like to leave your kid with someone you don't know. My cousin got married out of town and kids weren't invited. They said that they would be happy to get a sitter and they could watch DS at their apartment. I was totally uncomfotable with that (he was 8 months at the time), so we sent our regrets. Honestly, though, before I had kids, I would have thought that this would have been a perfectly acceptable solution. Now that I'm a mom, not so much!

I am a parent. I understand. I won't leave my kid with someone I don't know either. That doesn't mean I think kids need to be at weddings.

[iheartbanjos]

So far, we've gone to 3 OOT kid free weddings since DD was born (she's almost 2). The expense is incredible. We've had to fly us 3, fly my mom (or pay for parent's gas), pay for a hotel for my parents and for us, and we usually pay for parents' meals. It's insane. Fortunately, our number of weddings a year is beginning to taper and now that we're getting older, we're getting invited to a lot more destination weddings, which are easier to decline.

[Deleted]

Threads like this make me super happy we don't usually have to go far to a wedding and that we have 2 sets of grandparents to babysit.

I have never entertained the idea of bringing DD to a wedding with me at any age.

I also am the evil mom who left DD for 5 days to go to Vegas when she was 5 months old.

[hrp22]

I wouldn't go if it was out of town requiring me to be gone more than 1 day without my kid.

[dragonfly08]

I'm a parent, and I'm 100% fine with the idea of kid-free weddings. They're the norm where I'm from, and I had one myself.

At the same time, I respect the right of any parent to decline the invitation if that choice in any way inconveniences them. DH and I didn't attend the weddings of two of DHs cousins because the kids weren't invited to one, and while they were invited to the other it wasn't realistic to bring them...too long a trip, too much past their bedtime, etc. We didn't have childcare available with which we were comfortable, so we sent a nice gift and stayed home.

[barefootcontessa]

They are providing a sitter. I think that is sufficient. You can always decline to go, but I would think your baby will be fine with a sitter. I am leaving my babies with a sitter my aunt found for my cousin's wedding. I never really thought twice about it. My sons will likely be asleep most of the time anyway.

[Deleted]

I am with you. It never even crossed my mind to not allow kids at our wedding. DH and I wanted kids, and IMO a wedding is the beginning of your family, so why would you exclude families?

I have missed about 3 weddings due to my kids not being allowed to go. I was fine w/ the toddler not coming, but when I had to not go b/c of my nursing 7 week old I admit I was a little furious. He would have slept in a sling the entire time.