The Bump conversion that never came

[hlke]

So if I remember correctly, this board was formed when a conversion of the board format was imminent over at The Bump. Not long after that, the conversion was delayed indefinitely.

At the time this board was created, there was a lot of talk that we would choose one or the other, and everyone would move together, and our community would not be disrupted. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem that in practice this has been the case. There is a growing feeling among members still active at The Bump that that board has been abandoned by veteran members, and with it, the community we once all shared. This has been expressed publicly in a few threads, and privately to me by a few others.

I realize the advantages of ProBoards - namely much better phone/mobile access. But The Bump also has some features that are considered by many to be advantages - that new members can continue to find our community, that most posters are more familiar with The Bump format, and that many members are also active on other TB boards.

Right now the split between two boards seems to be hurting both communities. There is less volume on both boards right now than there was on The Bump before the split. Members don't know where to post questions for the best response, and lots of questions on The Bump are going unanswered.

I'd like to advocate that we make an official call on an official board. I'm in favor of The Bump for reasons I've listed, but I am willing to go with whatever decision is made. I'd like to request that the decision not be made based on a few individuals' preferences over what is best for the community, and also that it not be decided through a discussion on only one of the boards. There's a pretty big consensus for deciding on one board over at The Bump, so I think it's time for us to make the call.

[ElsaVonM]

When I posted a poll about it, when the votes were actually counted there were more votes for "let's move" or "I don't care, just pick one and I'll follow" than there were for staying on The Bump. However, there were a lot of hurt feelings (even after I reposted how to find this board and tried to make it clear that it was not a secret and I was posting a poll because I wanted everyone to be in one place). After that reaction I just dropped it because it felt like I was being personally accused of trying to form some secret lesbian clique. I am not.

I reply to threads on both boards and almost never start a thread on either, so I don't feel like I am personally doing harm to any community or person. It would be more convenient to just have one board and I would prefer it, but I don't know how to make that happen. Obviously a poll did not do the trick. If you have ideas they are welcome. We can't shut The Bump board down since The Bump owns it, and I guess we could probably shut this board down somehow since we created it, but that sucks for the people who post here b/c they can't access The Bump at work or on their phones or whatever.

[hlke]

I hope my post doesn't sound accusatory. I really do just want to make a decision, and for everyone to know what that decision is. If the decision is here, we just need to let The Bump folks know.

I actually found the original Bump community because Two*True lets newbies on the LGBT Households Nest board know that most of the action (at that time) was on The Bump. But given how many newbies we get on The Bump, that might not be feasible. At the very least, if the decision is here, I don't feel that's been made clear to people who were already posting on The Bump. The fact that weekend discussions, TTT, PCP/TTC/ATP, and PIP Thursdays are all still happening on The Bump (and aren't happening here) led me to believe The Bump community was staying as is, until the steep drop off in posting became apparent. I really enjoy and look forward to those repeating threads, so if this is our "official" board, I'd like to see them here.

The half and half thing is driving me a little nutty, and I'm beginning to sense that there are hurt feelings, even though I know no one meant it to be that way.

Edited for clarity

[bluedaisyus]

I don't go to the bump anymore at all. I think I've been there once since this board was formed. The only reason I still went there even before GBCN was for this group since the ladies from photography established our own board 2 years ago. I've never been an active poster on any bump board other than photography and LGBT, I never liked TB format, and I love the proboards app. I've been crazy busy at work and haven't been around as much lately so my opinion may not carry much weight, but frankly I have no desire to go back to TB and probably won't even if that's the consensus.


Sent from my iPhone

[kershnic]

I've been thinking about this a lot and I feel like I should reply, but I'm also not quite sure what to say.

Like many, I miss the old community and dislike feeling split between two boards. But at the same time I recognize that communities change. And while this change may have been accelerated by the creation of GBCN, I don't think the new board is entirely the cause. There has been a big wave of new people on the bump board in the past few months, which is good in some ways, but also has a big impact on how a community functions. Very few of the old school LGBT bumpies are currently pregnant or TTC, and I'm sure that changes many people's interest levels in discussing TTC and pregnancy. This has also all happened over the summer when many people have had vacations and other personal events that have taken time from being on any board.

When GBCN was created there were efforts made (in particular by Leap) to consolidate on one board. But, the truth is that some people strongly prefer this board and some people strongly prefer that board, and neither board is going away. So, people will vote with their feet.

Reflecting on it now, I can see that the references to "the board that cannot be named" and "Voldemort board" or whatever people are saying can sound cliquey and as if new people are not welcome over here. However, those are references to the bump gods deleting references to this board.

Another thought is that back in the very old days there was actually activity on both the nest and the bump LGBT boards. For example, TTT used to be on the nest board. The nest conversation was less focused on TTC/pregnancy/children. So, it is possible to sustain two boards. I miss some of the regulars who seem less interested in posting on the bump, but that's an individual choice and I doubt any community consesus is going to change it.

[ct]

Aug 15, 2012 9:40:58 GMT -5 kershnic said:

I've been thinking about this a lot and I feel like I should reply, but I'm also not quite sure what to say.

Like many, I miss the old community and dislike feeling split between two boards. But at the same time I recognize that communities change. And while this change may have been accelerated by the creation of GBCN, I don't think the new board is entirely the cause. There has been a big wave of new people on the bump board in the past few months, which is good in some ways, but also has a big impact on how a community functions. Very few of the old school LGBT bumpies are currently pregnant or TTC, and I'm sure that changes many people's interest levels in discussing TTC and pregnancy. This has also all happened over the summer when many people have had vacations and other personal events that have taken time from being on any board.

When GBCN was created there were efforts made (in particular by Leap) to consolidate on one board. But, the truth is that some people strongly prefer this board and some people strongly prefer that board, and neither board is going away. So, people will vote with their feet.

Reflecting on it now, I can see that the references to "the board that cannot be named" and "Voldemort board" or whatever people are saying can sound cliquey and as if new people are not welcome over here. However, those are references to the bump gods deleting references to this board.

Another thought is that back in the very old days there was actually activity on both the nest and the bump LGBT boards. For example, TTT used to be on the nest board. The nest conversation was less focused on TTC/pregnancy/children. So, it is possible to sustain two boards. I miss some of the regulars who seem less interested in posting on the bump, but that's an individual choice and I doubt any community consesus is going to change it.

yes.

[clickerish]

I wasn't part of the original community, but as someone who posts over here mainly, I really hate the Bump format. I want information about getting pregnant, but it is not the sole purpose of my existence. I don't really understand why some people would feel hurt at a move that was not at all initiated by events created by them but rather an unfortunate experience.

I could say that I feel isolated and rejected since I am not part of the original group, but that's silly.

[kimnsandy]

Well...here is my 2 cents worth.

I'm too old to be having babies and there is significantly less talk about babies and all that jazz on this board. So I prefer it for that reason. In addition, it's easier to just get in to post something...navigation thru the pages I mean.

I haven't been back to the old board except to grab some of my pics from my profile since coming over here. I am not a huge poster so I doubt anyone really cares where I post, but I'm happy here. And I never even considered any of them "clique-ish". Maybe I am just not involved enough to "get it". ^o)

[tattooedmeegs]

Aug 15, 2012 9:40:58 GMT -5 kershnic said:

I've been thinking about this a lot and I feel like I should reply, but I'm also not quite sure what to say.

Like many, I miss the old community and dislike feeling split between two boards. But at the same time I recognize that communities change. And while this change may have been accelerated by the creation of GBCN, I don't think the new board is entirely the cause. There has been a big wave of new people on the bump board in the past few months, which is good in some ways, but also has a big impact on how a community functions. Very few of the old school LGBT bumpies are currently pregnant or TTC, and I'm sure that changes many people's interest levels in discussing TTC and pregnancy. This has also all happened over the summer when many people have had vacations and other personal events that have taken time from being on any board.

When GBCN was created there were efforts made (in particular by Leap) to consolidate on one board. But, the truth is that some people strongly prefer this board and some people strongly prefer that board, and neither board is going away. So, people will vote with their feet.

Reflecting on it now, I can see that the references to "the board that cannot be named" and "Voldemort board" or whatever people are saying can sound cliquey and as if new people are not welcome over here. However, those are references to the bump gods deleting references to this board.

Another thought is that back in the very old days there was actually activity on both the nest and the bump LGBT boards. For example, TTT used to be on the nest board. The nest conversation was less focused on TTC/pregnancy/children. So, it is possible to sustain two boards. I miss some of the regulars who seem less interested in posting on the bump, but that's an individual choice and I doubt any community consesus is going to change it.

Another yes.

[twotrue]

While some of my dearest friends are the people I've known on these boards for the past 5+ years I still realize that these are just message boards. It's a community just like any other where some people are going to like some people more than others, feel connected to some more than others, and share common interest with some more than others. Just the way it is in offline life.

This board is searchable via google, and GBCN as a whole is getting new posters every single day. So to say that newbies will never join is probably incorrect, but we will not get the natural influx of newbies that The Bump gets.

The Bump board has become focused on mostly TTC and parenting (as it was designed to) but there are many of us that are past that point. I want to be there to support people in their parenthood journey, but TBH, right now I'm not interested in answering questions about IUI timing, sperm banking, etc. There are plenty of people who are interested in that though and I think that is great! That is needed and I know that sense of community is important (as it was for me at that time in my life).

I guess I sort of look at it like school. I feel like I've passed those subjects or moved up a grade. Not that I won't answer TTC questions, just that I'm not interested in doing it on a daily basis. And again, TBH, I've been struggling with my own parenthood/will-we-ever-ttc-again-journey, and anything in the realm of those topics is not a place I currently want to go. Should I ever find myself TTC again I will post my questions on the Bump and/or here and appreciate any feedback I get but I'm not at that place at this time.

Plus I like the phone app and I like that my friends that can't access the bump can access GBCN. And I have other boards here but no other boards there. So for me I'm not going to choose one over the other. I'll post here and continue to check-in and be over there. I'm around and if people want to find me they can. I just won't show up in every post on the Bump because I don't have an interest in every post (and I didn't respond to every single post even before GBCN).

[twotrue]

Plus I can cuss over here. And say Dick Cheney's name with out the fucking ex-Vice President's name being censored. ;-)

[kimnsandy]

Aug 15, 2012 10:36:06 GMT -5 twotrue said:

Plus I can cuss over here. And say Dick Cheney's name with out the fucking ex-Vice President's name being censored. ;-)

Yeah!! :Y:

[cymru]

I left the other board a long time before this one started because I just didn't feel like I fit in there anymore.

I was very happy when this board started and that it was more like the older nest board.

I don't think anyone should be made to pick a side. Just post where you are happy.

[mk]

Aug 15, 2012 10:52:00 GMT -5 cymru said:

I was very happy when this board started and that it was more like the older nest board.

I don't think anyone should be made to pick a side. Just post where you are happy.

I agree with this.

From Mandy's phone

[Deleted]

Aug 15, 2012 10:52:00 GMT -5 cymru said:

I don't think anyone should be made to pick a side. Just post where you are happy.

Yes!

[mel]

I was a regular poster 5+ years ago when the original group of us was all planning our weddings. I moved over to the nest with everyone else but got left behind when everyone started TTC. I posted randomly during my time TTC but now my son is about 9 months old, and like T*T, I am beyond TTC now and struggling with the will-I-ever-try-again. I like this board better because it is easier to post to on my phone and it's back with my original group.

[joyseattle]

As I just started coming back to both boards, this whole topic is something I haven't thought much about, but I will say that I agree with many of the sentiments expressed, specifically the original group, censorship, recognition of ability to sustain multiple boards with different focuses, etc.

On a personal level, one of the reasons I stopped being as involved on the bump board was because we're not ttc and I noticed a correlation between my BOTB and certain things, sometimes to the point I was feeling more frustrated/resentful. This was mostly subconscious and at first I didn't acknowledge it because I work with babies/families for f**k's sake (self censorship is fine by me); but with some reflection I realized that for many reasons it's just different. When I would avoid the bump board and other situations that lead to those feelings it became less of an issue, and being busy with life and travel helped too.

When I realized I missed this community, I started coming back to the board, but did notice the change in posts and posters. When I realized it was because this board was more active, I didn't see it as a bad thing (other than getting in the habit of checking both boards/potentially less time at each). I'll most likely stay involved to some extent on both. I enjoy TTT and the fun non-ttc threads the most, but will sometimes respond to the Mon/Fri and even Wed threads there if I'm engaged with the topic/question, otherwise I mainly just read over there. That may be different on this board with more "familiar" people and different topics (less structure, but perhaps more honesty?).

[thiswillbe]

I think everyone has made lots of good points, and there's not much more for me to add. I appreciate what this community has meant to me over the years, and I want it to be able to serve those purposes both for the "oldies" and the "newbies" on into the future.

I'd like to propose that we formally consider specifying the primary purposes of each board. That way, we might be less likely to have ongoing "Board A vs. Board B" debate.

It would probably be better to have that discussion in a new/separate thread (one posting on each board, perhaps?), but I could easily see a separation of purposes along the lines of the bump board being for ttc and pregnancy, and this board being for general SSH stuff. Infancy/ toddlerhood questions could go to either.

This is not to say that people would be restricted to *only* posting specified topics to the "appropriate" board, but to just provide some guidelines so people can quickly and easily find the venue they are looking for.


To make a too-long post even longer: I say this (division of purposes) in part because I used to be very active on the multiples board, but now I have no interest in the 95% of posts that are about multiples pregnancy. The GBCN version hasn't really gotten off the ground, and my perception is that there's not really a place for people with kids over 2 or so. Many of the old "regulars" have drifted away because of that. I don't want to see that happen to this board.

[2brides]

Aug 16, 2012 9:00:27 GMT -5 thiswillbe said:

there's not really a place for people with kids over 2 or so.

No kidding. With 6y olds and no other children, I am nearly a grandmother around here.

[ElsaVonM]

Aug 16, 2012 9:45:50 GMT -5 2brides said:

Aug 16, 2012 9:00:27 GMT -5 thiswillbe said:

there's not really a place for people with kids over 2 or so.

No kidding. With 6y olds and no other children, I am nearly a grandmother around here.

Just wanted to chime in and say that I love that there are people who have older kids on this board. It gives me a better idea of what life will be like in the future and just adds more variety.

[quinny]

Ahhh now it all makes sense. I blame sleep deprivation but I couldn't figure out why people were splintering off into 2 groups. It felt cliquey and overwhelming and made me cranky. I get it and I'm on board (get it. On. Board?)

oooo so bad. So, so bad.

[kershnic]

Aug 16, 2012 9:00:27 GMT -5 thiswillbe said:

I'd like to propose that we formally consider specifying the primary purposes of each board. That way, we might be less likely to have ongoing "Board A vs. Board B" debate.

I think that this would be a very nice gesture and clear up a lot of confusion and hurt feelings. However, I think it has to come from one of the old school "regulars" in order to be most effective.

Aug 16, 2012 9:00:27 GMT -5 thiswillbe said:

my perception is that there's not really a place for people with kids over 2 or so. Many of the old "regulars" have drifted away because of that. I don't want to see that happen to this board.

I agree strongly with this. Although I'm several years behind many of you in the whole reproducing thing, I really really value this connection to other LGBT parents (and future parents, like myself). I'm excited at the idea that some of you with preschoolers or toddlers (or 6 year olds, Grandma 2brides ) might have been there and done that years from now when my kids are realizing they have 2 moms or whatever else comes next. Also, even though I'm still fucking ttc-ing sometimes I get really sick of talking about it.... (Not that I don't also value the chance to talk about it!)

[kershnic]

Also I'm proud that we're all excessively processing this in good lesbian style.

[ElsaVonM]

Aug 16, 2012 14:42:04 GMT -5 kershnic said:

Aug 16, 2012 9:00:27 GMT -5 thiswillbe said:

I'd like to propose that we formally consider specifying the primary purposes of each board. That way, we might be less likely to have ongoing "Board A vs. Board B" debate.

"I think that this would be a very nice gesture and clear up a lot of confusion and hurt feelings. However, I think it has to come from one of the old school "regulars" in order to be most effective."

I decided that I am old-school enough to qualify, and I did as you suggested here: community.thebump.com/cs/ks/forums/thread/68103357.aspx

[hlke]

Aug 16, 2012 13:34:33 GMT -5 quinny said:

Ahhh now it all makes sense. I blame sleep deprivation but I couldn't figure out why people were splintering off into 2 groups. It felt cliquey and overwhelming and made me cranky. I get it and I'm on board (get it. On. Board?)

oooo so bad. So, so bad.

I think Jean has summed up my feelings on the board splitting too, and hearing more from everyone I understand, even though I was pretty happy with how things were before. And I'm glad there's been some good lesbian processing after I started this thread and then went MIA for two days (on a not-vacation/work trip, oops!)

I also tend to feel weirdly responsible for making people happy, and unanswered TTC questions over on The Bump have been stressing me out. I actually think this is at least 50% summer, 50% less board traffic, but I remember feeling so welcomed when I was a newbie and I was getting worried The Bump board wasn't living up to that as much. You all, of course, have helped to calm me down about that, both with more Bump presence and the reassurance that we're probably just in a normal message board phase that we'll all emerge from unscathed. I know it's "just a message board", but it really means a lot to me.

[ct]

Aug 16, 2012 14:43:43 GMT -5 kershnic said:

Also I'm proud that we're all excessively processing this in good lesbian style.

I must be a bad lesbian because all of this processing just makes me want a martini

[2brides]

Aug 17, 2012 7:41:59 GMT -5 ct said:

Aug 16, 2012 14:43:43 GMT -5 kershnic said:

Also I'm proud that we're all excessively processing this in good lesbian style.

I must be a bad lesbian because all of this processing just makes me want a martini

Amen.

[ct]

Its giving me the bobbie gibbons.

[quinny]

Aug 17, 2012 7:59:57 GMT -5 ct said:

Its giving me the bobbie gibbons.

Fantastic.

[kershnic]

Aug 17, 2012 7:41:59 GMT -5 ct said:

Aug 16, 2012 14:43:43 GMT -5 kershnic said:

Also I'm proud that we're all excessively processing this in good lesbian style.

I must be a bad lesbian because all of this processing just makes me want a martini

Oh, we can drink martinis and process at the same time, don't you worry!

I'm never going to get invited to LGBT bumper happy hour now, am I?