Ndr text and email question

[sierramist03]

How do you handle it when you text and email people and they never respond? I send my mother in law email and texts and most of the time she never responds to me. She has her phone on her all the time and checks for email frequently. Most of the time it's questions or information that I don't feel requires a phone call. Dh can text or email her and she always responds. What would you do?

[peach]

Wasn't she and your pregnant SIL both mad at you recently? Eek, sounds to me like maybe she's still mad.

Maybe let DH text her from now on, as she responds faster to him.

[thewop]

I would ask her if she got the text or email like pp suggested. However if I really need to know something, I call- not text or email. If you did that too and she never responded, I would say "oh well- guess she didn't think it was that important" and move on. You tried to get a hold of her. You did what you could do. TBH you need to stop stressing over things your MIL does or says. Life is too short. Roll your eyes and move on. You already know you can't make her happy, so stop trying so hard. Sorry to be blunt, but you post about weird stuff she does often. It's time to get over her. Not trying to be a bitch, just sayin.

[amblor]

I kind of agree. If it were me, I'd just let my H deal with her completely and write her off. I already kind of have H call them with whatever and I have a great relationship with them. It's just easier (plus I hate talking on the phone!)

[sierramist03]

I try to have dh contact her as much as possible but some thing he says if you want to know you text her. The text and emails are never chit chatty type messages they always are asking something or needing to know something. If you knew me in real life you would know its much to hard for me to just write them out of my life I am much too nice of person and a real softy. I think I am in denial that I don't and won't have a relationship with my in laws.

[peach]

I am confused. You said it was things you needed to know and not just chit chat, but that it's not important stuff and doesn't warrent a phone call. Which is it?

I think the clear answer is just to leave her alone and stop texting. If you need an answer to something you know she won't answer a text so phone her.

[kaylie]

I'm not that nice of a person, nor am I a softy, so I realize this probably isn't what you'll opt for. Based on your previous MIL posts, this would be my plan of action:

First - I would tell H to step up and take my side, or start sleeping in the guest room on the bed with no sheets.

Second - next time MIL didn't answer me, I would just make a best guess. If it was regarding the start time for a dinner I would intentionally be late and then let everyone present know that "gee, I'm so sorry that we're late. I tried texting you five times, but couldn't seem to get a response."

Third - I would have a little heart to heart with MIL and tell her that I'm here to stay and that if she wants to know my children one day, she'll stop being a passive aggressive twit.

ETA - I don't mean for that to sound judgmental, so I hope that it didn't. I realize everyone's personality/situation is different. I have no patience for little mind games, so if someone was doing that to me, I'd declare war. I'm very fortunate to get along fabulously with H's family.

[sierramist03]

I had dh ask her what I needed to do to improve our relationship and was told our relationship is fine....so I don't get feed back. I have confronted her several times stating I am here we are married I want to get along I think it is the end of the road

[sierramist03]

May 15, 2012 15:13:33 GMT -5 peach said:

I am confused. You said it was things you needed to know and not just chit chat, but that it's not important stuff and doesn't warrent a phone call. Which is it?

I think the clear answer is just to leave her alone and stop texting. If you need an answer to something you know she won't answer a text so phone her.

It's things like funny pictures of dh or asking things regarding information for a shower or wedding or if she sent flowers when someone died. It doesn't matter if I call 9 times out of 10 she won't answer from my number

[peach]

Then leave her alone and stop texting her.

Sometimes people don't like each other. And they get stuck together because they are family. If she doesn't like you, you can't force her to. As long as she is being civil when you are together in person, then just leave her alone.

[peach]

"I" like you. But if you were a person I didn't like, I would get really annoyed if you were texting me funny pictures or asking me questions about what time an even was supposed to start, etc. when you could darn well find out from someone else. Know what I mean?? Like if you guys don't get along, you are probably making it worse by in her mind "pestering" her with texts and making continued effort to chat when she doesn't want to.

I'm sorry you MIL is Bitch. But once you've put in the effort and she has made it clear it's just not going to get better, then leave her alone and be civil when you need to be around her. If you keep trying to have a casual relationship through texts, etc. it is just like poking a bear with a stick...no good will come of it.

[kaylie]

May 15, 2012 16:36:09 GMT -5 sierramist03 said:

I had dh ask her what I needed to do to improve our relationship and was told our relationship is fine....so I don't get feed back. I have confronted her several times stating I am here we are married I want to get along I think it is the end of the road

It would drive me crazy if despite my best efforts, my MIL didn't like me. I can totally understand your frustration. Sadly, some people are just bitches and there probably isn't going to be anything you can do to make her warm up to you. Trying to make her like you is probably just going to make it worse.

Things might get better over time, but for now I would stay as far away as you can without it being weird. I think people tend to seek out attention/approval/interaction with the people who are hardest to get a read on. It's like playing hard to get, but not romantically. Does that make sense? Anyway, maybe if you back down and don't pay attention to her, she'll eventually be less bitchy.