Post by LauraMoser on Aug 15, 2012 10:57:24 GMT -5
Flame Away:
I started watching my cousin's kids again. I posted about them before, particularly the older boy. You may remember that in my last posts he was terribly behaved and peeing on my couch all the time.
Unfortunately, due to financial circumstances, when cousin asked if I could watch them again when she started her new job, I couldn't say no.
Anyway, so far the older boy has been better behaved. I have not had to put him in time-out nearly as much as before. The PTing, however, is ridiculous. Cousin put him back into pull-ups. I think he's back to wearing them at home too. He refuses to use the potty for me, even when I make him try to go. He is almost 4, btw.
Part of his problem may be his mom though. One day last week she told him in the morning that if he used the potty that day, he would get to go to Tumbletown that night. He didn't use the potty one damn time all day. Guess where he still went that night? (Yes I judge, as if it were my kid he would not have gone since he hadn't held up his end of the deal.) Oh, and that day he told me repeatedly that he didn't have to use the potty in order to go to Tumbletown. And he turned around the next day and said, "I told you I didn't have to use the potty to go to Tumbletown."
I will admit that I get annoyed with him easily. I try my best not let it bother me, and to not let it show, but one can only take so much whining. He's worse in that department than any other kid that age I know. (According to my mom, cousin was the same way as a kid)
He's still really aggressive with the babies though. They can just look at him and he'll get mad and knock them over, hit or kick them. I put him in time out every time he does this, but it doesn't seem to make a difference. He also snatches toys out of all the kids' hands.
But overall, he has been better than before. It may be due to my morning sickness finally going away, and it may be because he has a somewhat stable home life (for now). Before, he had just moved to a new (shared) house with people he didn't know, and was no longer living with his grandpa. Or there's also the fact that they now get here at 6am instead of 5am, and maybe that one extra hour makes all the difference. I don't know, but I'm glad I haven't gotten to the break down point yet like I did before.
Now if only DH could get a job that pays 20-30k more, then I wouldn't have to watch them at all! LOL ;D
Is the confession part the fact that you're watching them? Maybe I just missed the backstory. But honestly, it sounds like he needs help and you might be a good person for him to have in his life.
I don know the whole back story, but that boy needs serious help. His mom sounds like she's incapable of giving him the structure he needs to become a functioning child. I also wonder about emotional/ anger control issues?
I don't think I ever let myself be a pushover when it comes to my kids and the kids I babysit, but I have made sure that I am consistent since they came back. I feel as though I'm quite strict sometimes, but I have to be in order to keep every one playing happily. Otherwise, chaos would ensue.
He's still really aggressive with the babies though. They can just look at him and he'll get mad and knock them over, hit or kick them. I put him in time out every time he does this, but it doesn't seem to make a difference.
Do you want anybody else's kids other than yours and your cousins? Because if anyone else is paying you to watch their babies and you've let this kid back into your care knowing he frequently likes to "knock them, hit or kick them", then yeah, that's really flameworthy. Sorry.
I don know the whole back story, but that boy needs serious help. His mom sounds like she's incapable of giving him the structure he needs to become a functioning child. I also wonder about emotional/ anger control issues?
I know he's not in the ideal situation. He spends half the week at his mom's, the other half at his dad's. I think he has more structure at his dad's since there are three other kids there as well, but I have no way to know for sure.
Cousin isn't a terrible person or anything, but she does seem to move a lot, change jobs a lot, etc. Like I mentioned, a few months ago she moved from her dad's house into a shared house with her kind-of boyfriend and a bunch of other people. So the kids went from living with someone they are close with to living with people they had never met before. I can't imagine that would be an easy transition for two young kids. There have been other things that I wonder why she does with the kids around. She once decided to take her dead cat and turn it into a bit of an experiment (separated flesh from bones, soaked bones in bleach, all to turn her cat into a necklace-in her kitchen, with the older kid watching the whole time)
And there are just other things about her that I wonder about, but a lot of it has to do with how her parents raised her (dad showered with her at age 4-5ish and other weird things). But when I put it all together, the way she is, the was she was raised, and just things in general that she does, it doesn't surprise me that the oldest boy is the way he is. There was one point in time where cousin's mom was actually trying to help babydaddy get full custody of the oldest boy (they have different dads), so I'm not the only person who questions her parenting style. I do wonder what kind of kid he would be if he'd be with his dad full time.
The younger boy I feel bad for at times. A lot of times I have witnessed him just getting put aside while the older boy throws his tantrums. Older boy is extremely "needy" and therefore the younger boy tends to be left to his own devices a lot of times. Fortunately, he is a fairly easy baby and is content playing by himself.
He's still really aggressive with the babies though. They can just look at him and he'll get mad and knock them over, hit or kick them. I put him in time out every time he does this, but it doesn't seem to make a difference.
Do you want anybody else's kids other than yours and your cousins? Because if anyone else is paying you to watch their babies and you've let this kid back into your care knowing he frequently likes to "knock them, hit or kick them", then yeah, that's really flameworthy. Sorry.
I agree with this. Aggressive with babies would be the deal breaker for me.
He's still really aggressive with the babies though. They can just look at him and he'll get mad and knock them over, hit or kick them. I put him in time out every time he does this, but it doesn't seem to make a difference.
Do you want anybody else's kids other than yours and your cousins? Because if anyone else is paying you to watch their babies and you've let this kid back into your care knowing he frequently likes to "knock them, hit or kick them", then yeah, that's really flameworthy. Sorry.
Its just them, my nephew, and my own right now. My sister is fully aware of the situation, and is okay with it for now. She does know that as soon as I find an alternative way to make up that money, the two boys will no longer be coming. I do have a friend that knows someone looking for a sitter for her twins, so when I get more info about that, I will have some serious thinking to do. I'm hoping that maybe that could replace him and his brother. Otherwise, I've been considering a PT job, but am not sure about the schematics of that yet, and I'm PG and due in Nov, so I may just wait it out until then.
My heart breaks for those boys. I can't believe she basically dissected their cat right in front of one of them.
That is an extremely alarming piece of information. I don't even really know what to say. It's sad and I am very worried for them. I often work with populations who had damaging childhoods and this sounds familiar.
Those boys need help. The oldest especially from what you're describing. It sounds like he's smart but he's never been given the boundaries he needs to develop appropriately.
Also, I find it less flamable that you'd start watching them again, and more so that you're willing to turn them away as soon as you find another paying family. I would feel compelled to try to help them (assuming that you are not saying that you think they are a risk to the other children - if so, they come first since it doesn't sound like you're properly trained to deal with the behavior problems of the oldest). Do you have any contact with the oldest boy's dad. Can you reach out to him at all?
Those boys need help. The oldest especially from what you're describing. It sounds like he's smart but he's never been given the boundaries he needs to develop appropriately.
Also, I find it less flamable that you'd start watching them again, and more so that you're willing to turn them away as soon as you find another paying family. I would feel compelled to try to help them (assuming that you are not saying that you think they are a risk to the other children - if so, they come first since it doesn't sound like you're properly trained to deal with the behavior problems of the oldest). Do you have any contact with the oldest boy's dad. Can you reach out to him at all?
I honestly have no idea how to help him. I'm definitely not equipped with the proper skills to do so. I do, however, worry about the safety of the younger kids. He gets really rough with them. My sister got a little upset the other day when I told her of an incident where he was pretty much pinning nephew down on the floor. Nephew is 11 mo. I know I risk problems with watching nephew if the older boy keeps doing this stuff.
I have found his dad on FB, but haven't contacted him yet. I guess I'm a little worried about it causing riffs with cousin. But I also realize I need to put the child first.
I'd love to help the kid, really, I would. I just don't know how since I have no experience in dealing with so much aggression in a preschooler. I know a lot of what he does probably has a lot do to with his feeling the need to be in control of something, and that his home life isn't the most ideal situation. I just have no idea what to do about it. I can set boundaries and consistencies here at my house, but once he leaves here, its all out of my hands. The kid goes to three different households every week. Therefore he has three different sets of rules and consequences. I know that's a lot for a kid to deal with, but I really have no idea what to do for him besides what I've been doing.
I really honestly worry that he'll wind up like the little boy in the post from the main board the other day, A Boy's Life in Pictures, or whatever it was. I can see a lot of similarities there, even though the situations aren't quite the same. I seriously hope he can get help before it turns to that though.