your story?

[melmel48]

Jun 6, 2015 12:18:18 GMT -5 lookforstars said:

I haven't posted here much yet, but it helps me to share.

I was married for 5.5 years. Great marriage, great husband. Two kids - a now 4.5 year old and a 9 month old. My marriage "ended" with the sudden death of my husband in a car accident when the baby was just a newborn. It is the worst thing that has ever happened to me.

But, here I am trudging through it. With two little kids, I have no choice.

And I'm sorry - I know my story is different and tragic, but it is mine. I just wanted to share, and thank you all for sharing your stories!

I am sorry for your loss. I am glad it helped you to share here.

[bg]

lookforstars no need to apologize. I'm so sorry for your loss and that you find yourself here now.

[Deleted]

My story- old timers know this one.
Dated xh for around 3 years (one break up) and then got married.  Married for 9 months when I found out he'd been cheating for the previous (at least!) 3 months.  That's when i filed for divorce and left (may/June 2012). Throughout our relationship he was emotionally abusive and manipulative.  It also became physical. It was a horrible situation with so many more details. 
These days, my BF and I live together.  We have a nice calm relationship and it's great.  It took me a while to get used to being with someone...normal.

[MyName]

Met stbx in college, were together 12 yrs, married 4. I never should have gotten married, TBH. He was very difficult to deal with, to the point his whole family referred to me as a saint. [RED FLAG!] He cheated on me a lot, and I found out in early 2012, but I was on crutches after getting hit by a car and fracturing my ankle and a bunch of work shit was going on, so I stayed until I was ready to leave 1.5 yrs later. As soon as I moved in to my new place and realized I was on my own, I felt the biggest sense of relief. My life is unbelievably wonderful and my relationship/marriage was the one thing dragging me down.

I spent a year just doing my own thing, then this January dated a guy until around the beginning of May. It was fun, and I liked it, but I don't ever want to have kids, will probably never marry again, and just enjoy being on my own. So I don't really know how that is going to play out because I feel like most people want to fall in love and live happily ever after in the typical manner, but whatever. I know I will live my best life with great people regardless of whether I take on a new SO or not. #itsallgood

[lookforstars]

Jun 6, 2015 17:38:06 GMT -5 @blueyes623 said:

lookforstars, I'm so sorry for your loss.  

(My dad passed when I was 5 years old-from cancer-so not as sudden. My mom incredibly made it through and was a wonderful role model for me as a child.  She pushed me and made sure I was educated and did the best she could so I didn't feel that I was missing out on anything.  She still (almost 28 years later) says she doesn't know how she did it, but I was what kept her going)

That said, I know it never goes away..but time does ease things a bit. You will be a mom and a dad.  Your kids will appreciate it as they grow older.  It's not about material things, it's about quality time spent together.  Hugs to you and your LO's 

Thank you for this! It is encouraging to hear from someone who's been in the place my kids are in now.

[Deleted]

Jun 6, 2015 23:51:12 GMT -5 lookforstars said:

Jun 6, 2015 17:38:06 GMT -5 @blueyes623 said:

lookforstars, I'm so sorry for your loss.  

(My dad passed when I was 5 years old-from cancer-so not as sudden. My mom incredibly made it through and was a wonderful role model for me as a child.  She pushed me and made sure I was educated and did the best she could so I didn't feel that I was missing out on anything.  She still (almost 28 years later) says she doesn't know how she did it, but I was what kept her going)

That said, I know it never goes away..but time does ease things a bit. You will be a mom and a dad.  Your kids will appreciate it as they grow older.  It's not about material things, it's about quality time spent together.  Hugs to you and your LO's 

Thank you for this! It is encouraging to hear from someone who's been in the place my kids are in now.

I wasn't sure if it would be at all helpful, so I wrote and deleted and then rewrote. I have a pretty good memory of my childhood so feel free to ask questions or pm me if you want to. 

[MyName]

lookforstars, I'm so sorry for your loss.

[GilliC]

lookforstars, I know that everyone is different, so whether it's virtual hugs, expressions of sympathy, or acknowledgements that it's a shocking and awful thing to go through, we're all here to offer it. Just let us know what helps most!

[glitzyglow]

lookforstars, I am so sorry for what happened to you. So many hugs.

My story:
My exH and I started dating on my 16th birthday. We became engaged on my 19th birthday and married a month before I turned 20. We bought a house together and lived a pretty great life together. He became employed in his dream job in the spring of 2009. He lost that job rather abruptly in November 2009 and life along with his personality changed drastically after that. He became emotionally abusive, he started hiding things from me (later I found out he was doing drugs and stealing money from me), and in June 2010 he suddenly moved in with his brother "to find out what he wanted in life." I was so, so, so hurt. I couldn't understand what in the world was happening. In September 2010, one week before my 25th birthday, my best friend caught him walking out of a bar with another woman.
That revelation crashed and burned the only world I'd known. I had no money as I had just started graduate school, and after the discovery of the affair my exH disappeared and stopping paying all the bills completely. My heart was shattered and it took me over a year to find the strength to file for a divorce, which was finalized in February 2012.
The divorce process and afterward was brutal as my exH begged me not to do it, cried and sobbed about how he didn't want to get divorced, and would show up at my house to beg for forgiveness. I eventually moved in with my parents in May 2012 to prevent him from being able to show up whenever; it also allowed me to pay off some debts and save up some money since the break-up process of my exH and myself financially killed me. However, I would randomly see him in the community so I finally made the decision to move to TN at the end of 2013. The last time we talked was April 2014 after he was homeless and arrested in Florida. I saw on Instagram that he is back with OW now, living back in the community I left.

[prettyinpearls]

XH and I had whirlwind romance. In hindsight I realized that I ignored some fairly obvious red flags but I turned a blind eye. One day out of the blue he told me he didn't think he loved me anymore and that I was out of chance to fix our marriage. Wait, what? Long story short, he was having an affair with a coworker who he is now remarried to. He moved out when our son was 8 months old and our divorce was finalized a year later.

Eight months post-separation I was in a really good place in my life. I was feeling more confident and the happiest I had been in years and it showed to people around me. I went for drinks with an old friend to catch-up on our lives nearly 2 years later we were married. My current marriage is everything my first one wasn't and I truly believe I'm a better wife because I made the effort to learn about myself and what a marriage really should be about.

My XH and I went through a rough patch in the first year or two of co-parenting, but since he remarried and has other children with his wife, things have been much, much better. Even though my son's stepmom is technically the "other woman", I really like her and I'm glad my son has her for a mom-figure in his life.

While I hated what I went through at the time, I'm so thankful for my divorce all that it taught me about myself, love, marriage and healthy relationships. I wouldn't change it for anything.

[seabitch]

lookforstars, I am sorry for your loss. You have a great outlook, share what you need to and lean on these ladies(if you need to) they are great!

I started dating my xh when I was 16 years old, married when I was 21 years old. We have two great kids together. We were great at parenting, but that was about all. Not alot of spark, or sweetness, or mutual respect. I lost my father and brother both in my early twenties and my xh was with me through it all. We kinda grew up together. Anyways, fast forward to 22 years later and at 44 years old I got divorced. I filed, but we shared an attorney. The kids were 15 and 16 years old. They handled it amazingly. I have never been alone in my entire adult life until that point.

And that is where the "too much fun tour" began. I met my H (see profile picture) soon after getting divorced. We dated long distance for 2+ years until, I sold everything I owned, quit my job, and moved to a new city. We married three years ago this summer. We have that "something" that is the best, such a safe and secure feeling. It is so much fun to be with someone who only wants what is best for me, what I need, and truly wants to see me soar at everything I do.

[mysterons]

Jun 5, 2015 18:51:44 GMT -5 @soudesafinado said:

Reconnected last summer with a man I had dated but never even kissed while I was separated who was a good friend to me. We kissed and did a whollleeeeeeeeee bunch of other stuff this time around and it was hawt. But he doesn't want a commitment and I do want one so we parted ways on May 9. In the weeks since then I have gone on some awful terrible sucky dates and had a few married men try to date me. Hence my FF post. But, I have remained steadfast and haven't contacted him because I know that ultimately that relationship is going nowhere and I want a love relationship with commitment and monogamy. 

I broke up with my FWB a few weeks ago for similar reasons. It is very hard, but glad to see you're focused on what you want. I am too and there's empowerment in that.

[Serenity9]

I met my husband about 8 years ago. We seemed like a really great match. We had a lot of the same values, liked a lot of the same things, and he was attractive and had a great career. The first few years of the relationship were great. There were some red flags which, at the time, I thought were just mistakes that I could forgive. We got married after about 2.5 years together. Then things started really going downhill. He started saying things that went against the values I thought we had in common; he was prejudiced, judgmental, and cruel. When we argued he said things that made me feel really disrespected, but then denied that there was anything wrong with what he said.

Over time, it became full-blown verbal and emotional abuse. He was having rage explosions on pretty much a daily basis. He constantly tried to make me feel like I was selfish, inept, classless, and stupid. He was constantly wracked with anxiety and anger, and since I didn't have some magical combination of words to make him feel better, I was a failure as a wife. He would lay the guilt and blame on me for anything that went wrong in our lives. I walked on eggshells constantly trying to avoid that next rage outburst, but if I fixed one thing, he blew up over something else.

At one point, I realized that his behaviors matched Narcissistic Personality Disorder. Our vows said in sickness and in health, and mental illness is a sickness, so I wanted to try to make it work. I researched ways to deal with someone with NPD or similar behaviors, and I tried. But the more I tried to de-escalate things, the more he escalated. He repeatedly threatened to leave me, kill himself, or kill me. All of which would be my fault. I had insomnia, anxiety attacks, and daily waves of nausea. Finally, I realized that living like this would eventually kill me, so I found an apartment and left.

We separated in February 2014, decided to divorce in April 2014, had our hearing in March 2015, and my divorce will be final TOMORROW! 

I've been dating a little bit, nothing serious yet, and I'm not looking for anything serious right now. I'm feeling really good about being on my own, and deciding what I want for myself.