When I've outlined my dream vacation and practically begged to have this as my birthday gift, don't start discussing it with another couple and basically come up with a vacation as my gift that has nothing to do with what I suggested in the first place.
Love, Your "Really want to see the northern lights in a glass igloo" wife.
Post by baconlettucetomato on Aug 15, 2012 16:15:48 GMT -5
Dear Husband, When we got our new phone contract we purposely got you the newest Iphone with more data. Why do you think you are going to get the Iphone 5 and leave me in the dust with your hand me down 4? You are sadly mistaken my friend.
Love, I'm getting a new Iphone
Dear Doctor, Thanks for the drugs to help with my back. However the muscle relaxer makes me want to puke my brains out. Nice try though. Sincerely, Now I can't move and want to puke at the same time patient
You suck donkey balls and I hate you with the passion of a thousand suns!
Love, been job hunting for 3 years and just might get pregnant instead because obviously they want me to get on welfare so how bout I help them out? (I'm totally joking about the have a kid/being on welfare part btw.)
Dear company that offered me a job yesterday,
Are you really sure you want to employ me? You won't return my phone calls or voicemails or emails when I ask for more information.
Signed, pretty sure I won't be your employee anytime soon
Dear period,
I hate you. You suck. Tell your friends cramps & bloating I hate them too.
Post by birdistheword on Aug 15, 2012 16:21:37 GMT -5
Dear delicious wine,
You are delicious.
Sincerely, Me
Dear Husband,
I love you more than anyone in the world, but today, I would like to you eat a bag of dicks. Please quit using your lack of a college degree (which was your choice) to put pressure on me to be the "bread winner" of the family, rather than focusing on my sanity and overall enjoyment of life.
Post by Ruby Gloom on Aug 15, 2012 16:23:03 GMT -5
Dear Sister,
You need to get your shit together and get some counseling. I will drive you myself to rehab and keep your ugly dog while you are gone, but you can no longer stay with our mom & dad. You are no longer allowed to talk to my kids, A, or H or myself until you get yourself together. You are 40 years old, FFS. It is time to get a job, get an apartment, get your kids' respect back, and quit relying on abusive men to provide for you. You are nothing more than a prostitute. I can't take this anymore, neither can our mom & dad or our other sister, but they are spineless and enablers. I am done with you until you GET IT TOGETHER. If I see you again, I will most likely shake the shit out of you, and if I hear that you've said one more word to my neice about ruining your sadsack of a relationship, I will come looking for you.
Dear H, You are not an elephant, so please stop walking like one through our house. Love, your annoyed wife
Dear Family, I am incredibly jealous that you are still on vacation and I had to come home. I secretly hope it rains on you, not that the rain would spoil your fun.
Why in the world would you only offer an individual rate and a family rate, with the family rate being equal to 3 individuals? Have you never heard of married couples who don't have children? Why do we have to pay for a third person who doesn't exist?!?
Sincerely,
Feeling ripped-off Kessie
We had the same issue. It was cheaper/more sensible for us to get two single plans(we work for the same company).
Oh... that's right. You DON'T have a medical degree. Therefore, I'd kindly ask that you stop the "no caffeine EVER" fight before I'm even (as far as I know) pregnant. Your knowledge of pregnancy comes from your mother. You were born in 1978, Please get with the times. And quite frankly, I'd think that you of all people would know to be askeered of a decaffeinated imoan.
P.S. It's my body, fuck face. Get that through your head right this moment or I'm not going to do this with you!
Dear Baby Leo, Please stop growing. Mama can't handle time going so fast. Also bottles are yummy you should try one. Also please adjust asap to your new dcp. She is very nice. Don't make my heart hurt anymore than it already does about going back to work.
Please do the right thing and put the money back in the estate that your mom transferred to you. We need it to pay bills. It was my dad's inheritance. Yes your mom married my dad but it was his mom's estate and he already had dementia when they opened the joint account. It would be fair for her to take half of it, but leave some for the estate. If she spent it fine, but giving all of his money to her kids isn't as fine. We need to pay the hospitals bills for him AND YOUR MOM as well, the funeral home and I don't want to have to sell his car when my brother needs it so badly.
I had more faith in you and your mom than this. At least where brother and I were concerned. We were always fair to your mom and backed her up when it counted.
I love you more than anyone in the world, but today, I would like to you eat a bag of dicks. Please quit using your lack of a college degree (which was your choice) to put pressure on me to be the "bread winner" of the family, rather than focusing on my sanity and overall enjoyment of life.
Love, Your half drunk and very annoyed wife.
Dear Bird: I could have written your husband letter myself. If I am ever in town we will get together and toss back a few and vent about our husband's and their choices.
Dear DH: I am so very proud of you for getting off your ass, shaving, putting on a suit and going to a job fair today. There may be a BJ in your future. As long as you don't piss me off when I get home.
Love, your sincerely tired of being "let down" at every turn wife.