I don't know where I belong!

[loira]

I'm sorry. I hope your beta doubles nicely! I still have trouble figuring out where I fit in now. I've made the occasional comment on GotP, but I can't bring myself to contribute to all the excited posts because I'm such a debbie downer. Birth plan? My plan is to give birth to a live baby this time. Cue awkwardness. For what it's worth, I'm pretty sure you could post about your risk of miscarriage on TTTC and it wouldn't ruffle too many feathers. It's so early at this stage, and many have suffered losses, so people will be supportive.

[cactuscookie]

This board is great for the in-between phase! Do you have another beta tomorrow?

[ssg73]

I hope your beta doubles. I hear you on not feeling like I belong anywhere. While our betas were great. After our miscarriage last winter I am feeling that I am not going to feel like we are going have a viable pregnancy until we can get a good ultrasound. So I am pretty much feeling like I still am emotionally in tttc but I understand that people in the trenches don't feel like I fit in. Also I will never be able to be think pregnancy is puppies and rainbows since our last pregnancy ended in a very scary way. You don't spend 2.5 months in the Nicu and leave unchanged.

[Muddled]

You guys don't know how easy you have it. When I got pregnant, I had to walk uphill to school in the snow.

Kidding, but I do know what you mean. There was a long time when I did not feel confident enough to post on GotPg and this board was dead, dead, dead. I missed having a community.

I wish the best for all of you- a happy and healthy and low anxiety (ha!) pregnancy that ends with a healthy screaming baby.

[feistypants]

If it makes you feel any better, my first beta was a 17. My daughter is 3 months old. Fingers crossed for a good second beta!

[Mushe]

Spearmint, I'm so sorry that the comment was hurtful! I'm sure she was trying to help, but I get it - I refrain from giving any advice about the pregnancy I miscarried even if it's unrelated to the miscarriage.

Today you are pregnant, and I am sending you so many good thoughts for doubling betas!

[G22]

I'm sorry you are in a weird limbo right now. I've got everything crossed that your next beta brings more definite news and that your estrogen continues to rise. I have known a couple people who have started out with low betas like that and now have beautiful children from that pregnancy. ((hugs))

[Muddled]

Jun 19, 2015 12:03:39 GMT -5 spearmintleaf said:

Jun 19, 2015 11:41:48 GMT -5 Mushe said:

Spearmint, I'm so sorry that the comment was hurtful! I'm sure she was trying to help, but I get it - I refrain from giving any advice about the pregnancy I miscarried even if it's unrelated to the miscarriage.

Today you are pregnant, and I am sending you so many good thoughts for doubling betas!

Similarly, I had a godawful HSG and I don't comment when people ask if it will be bad. What am I supposed to say- I stifled screams and needed antibiotic and could hardly move or sit down for a week, and then I developed a phobia of gynecological exams and sobbed for 20 minutes before my pap and even the two Ativan they gave me didn't do a thing to help my anxiety before mock transfer? Not helpful! So I just don't comment. Listen I get it and I'm sure I was in the wrong or being insensitive, but my stomach dropped when I read that and I almost lost it at work, and it was one of the first things I thought of when I woke up this morning, so I will just step back, y'know? I can't take that kind of comment right now. And I'm sure if my pregnancy progresses it will be especially hurtful for her to hear, knowing we started in the same place, so best to just move over here.

It is hard. Just know that all of us are different. Her experience has no bearing on yours.

I appreciate that you are trying to respect her feelings. I wish she would have considered how her comment would impact you. Hugs, Spearmint. You are in a tough place right now. I do hope you have a positive outcome.

[Mushe]

I don't think you're wrong to have had the reaction, not at all. I hope it didn't sound like I meant that! It's so completely nerve wracking to be going from beta to beta. And ugh, what an awful HSG experience!

Sending you lots of good thoughts.

[riffraff]

Jun 19, 2015 12:03:39 GMT -5 spearmintleaf said:

Jun 19, 2015 11:41:48 GMT -5 Mushe said:

Spearmint, I'm so sorry that the comment was hurtful! I'm sure she was trying to help, but I get it - I refrain from giving any advice about the pregnancy I miscarried even if it's unrelated to the miscarriage.

Today you are pregnant, and I am sending you so many good thoughts for doubling betas!

Similarly, I had a godawful HSG and I don't comment when people ask if it will be bad. What am I supposed to say- I stifled screams and needed antibiotic and could hardly move or sit down for a week, and then I developed a phobia of gynecological exams and sobbed for 20 minutes before my pap and even the two Ativan they gave me didn't do a thing to help my anxiety before mock transfer? Not helpful! So I just don't comment. Listen I get it and I'm sure I was in the wrong or being insensitive, but my stomach dropped when I read that and I almost lost it at work, and it was one of the first things I thought of when I woke up this morning, so I will just step back, y'know? I can't take that kind of comment right now. And I'm sure if my pregnancy progresses it will be especially hurtful for her to hear, knowing we started in the same place, so best to just move over here.

I'm really really sorry. that was not my intention at all, I should have thought how it might sound to you.

again I am really sorry.

[whodey]

spearmintleaf - sending you lots of good thoughts for a doubling beta tomorrow-will you be able to get the results same day or will you have to wait until Monday?

[ivy]

Oh I'm so sorry you're in this spot spearmintleaf. My fingers are crossed you have a nice doubling beta! I think a lot of us are having a hard time knowing where to post. I received so much support on TTTC and want to continue to give back and root on everyone who is struggling, but especially after the boom, it's hard to know if posting on there is a great idea or not.

[riffraff]

I don't think anyone on TTTC has issues with anyone with success posting with us. I lurk both her and GP to keep up with those of you I don't talk to OB because I know I for one still care about all of you and want nothing but success for you.

[shanwalk]

Anecdotal evidence: My first beta was only 21. I'll be 7 weeks tomorrow. I've got my fingers and toes crossed for you.

[whodey]

I still want to post and read about how everyone is doing on TTTC, but sometimes it scares me to think about this pregnancy not working and having to go through treatment again, it's selfish and unfair, I really benefited from the support I received from everyone, I need to give that back.

[ilovecandy]

I am sorry I also really hopw your number go up. I know we have all kind of been in a weird place on tttc lately. I for one truly don't mind if you post there but do try to not talk to much about your prefnancy, which has always been the general consensus I believe. It is hard being the ones who are always left behind. But I do lurknhere and on gotp bexaus ei love all our success stories and I hope that you get to be one of them

[loira]

I think the general consensus on TTTC has always been: you can announce your bfp and early betas, or talk about any worries of an early miscarriage. You shouldn't post about symptoms or general pregnancy talk, and any further updates like scans should be kept to the graduates board or GotP. In the year I've been on the board, I can't think of anyone who's been insensitive to this.

[Muddled]

Jun 20, 2015 2:15:03 GMT -5 loira said:

I think the general consensus on TTTC has always been: you can announce your bfp and early betas, or talk about any worries of an early miscarriage. You shouldn't post about symptoms or general pregnancy talk, and any further updates like scans should be kept to the graduates board or GotP. In the year I've been on the board, I can't think of anyone who's been insensitive to this.

I have. I posted that I saw the HB at the first scan. I asked first and was given the ok, but I think the timing worked out that belovedbride07 got news of a BFN the same day. I still feel badly about it.

[belovedbride07]

Jun 20, 2015 9:52:23 GMT -5 Muddled said:

Jun 20, 2015 2:15:03 GMT -5 loira said:

I think the general consensus on TTTC has always been: you can announce your bfp and early betas, or talk about any worries of an early miscarriage. You shouldn't post about symptoms or general pregnancy talk, and any further updates like scans should be kept to the graduates board or GotP. In the year I've been on the board, I can't think of anyone who's been insensitive to this.

I have. I posted that I saw the HB at the first scan. I asked first and was given the ok, but I think the timing worked out that belovedbride07 got news of a BFN the same day. I still feel badly about it.

If it makes you feel better, I have absolutely no recollection of that happening.  (heart) I know we were cycling at almost the same time so the timing makes sense, but apparently it wasn't something that stuck with me. For my January BFN, all I remember of that day was an absolute outpouring of support here, the work I was trying to do while I waited for the call, and my cousin texting to invite me to her baby shower that day (what a horrible coincidence!).

[cactuscookie]

I think things were a little different for you, Muddled, since there wasn't so many BFP announcements at that point, which of course everyone celebrates, but are still reminders of what other IFers want and haven't been able to achieve.

[Muddled]

Jun 20, 2015 11:49:28 GMT -5 belovedbride07 said:

Jun 20, 2015 9:52:23 GMT -5 Muddled said:

I have. I posted that I saw the HB at the first scan. I asked first and was given the ok, but I think the timing worked out that belovedbride07 got news of a BFN the same day. I still feel badly about it.

If it makes you feel better, I have absolutely no recollection of that happening.  (heart) I know we were cycling at almost the same time so the timing makes sense, but apparently it wasn't something that stuck with me. For my January BFN, all I remember of that day was an absolute outpouring of support here, the work I was trying to do while I waited for the call, and my cousin texting to invite me to her baby shower that day (what a horrible coincidence!).

I'm so glad that you felt so supported. The last thing I wanted to do was make you feel worse. Selfishly, I admit I would've loved to have had someone to go through this with.

And now you are having twins! It all works out.


Thank you, cactuscookie. That makes sense.

[coribelle26]

spearmintleaf I saw that your second beta was a great jump, but I also wanted to pipe in and say that my first beta was 17. My second was also bad, I want to say 25? Definitely not a double. Anyway he's having his late night meal in the living room with my husband as we speak. Keep the faith!