sitting and waiting; anyone need advice? opinions?

[killercupcake]

Should I call the schools I applied to and ask when they plan on interviewing potential candidates or just wait it out?

[circa1978]

Help me pick a wood floor?

I was thinking of doing a walnut or something else in the mid-dark range but now I'm wondering if I want to go totally crazy and do really, really light instead, like maple.

[ElizabethBennet]

How do I find a balance of maintaining discipline for my child, but also going easy on her when needed because her whole world has changed?

D is having some attitude/whining issues and I find she is getting frustrated more easily. She's 4.5 and the baby is 7 weeks old so she's still adjusting to the new baby (though admittedly it has been going very well) and H is about to leave for a deployment very very soon. It's been a lot of change for her and I anticipate it getting worse after H leaves. I find that she is wanting to exert a lot of control, even with what I do and I don't exactly know how to handle it. I want her to feel like she has some control over her life, but I can't allow the attitude that comes along with it.

[CurlyQ284]

SD doesn't want to visit much but she wants us to foot the bill for a big birthday party next month. I am disgruntled and salty about it.

Then I thought, I'm sure when DS is a teen he won't want to be with us either but he has to because this is his only house so it's just more obvious because she has two options and her friends are at the other house.

In any case, am I justified in being salty or should I get over it because normal teen behavior?

[ElizabethBennet]

Jun 22, 2015 15:23:31 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

Jun 22, 2015 15:10:35 GMT -5 ElizabethBennet said:

How do I find a balance of maintaining discipline for my child, but also going easy on her when needed because her whole world has changed?

D is having some attitude/whining issues and I find she is getting frustrated more easily. She's 4.5 and the baby is 7 weeks old so she's still adjusting to the new baby (though admittedly it has been going very well) and H is about to leave for a deployment very very soon. It's been a lot of change for her and I anticipate it getting worse after H leaves. I find that she is wanting to exert a lot of control, even with what I do and I don't exactly know how to handle it. I want her to feel like she has some control over her life, but I can't allow the attitude that comes along with it.

Give her what control you can, over events and feelings. 
"dear, would you like to pick dinner tonight?"
"Oh, good heavens that baby is crying again. lol Is she driving you nuts too?" 
"What do you think about purple for the curtains?" 
"I miss daddy. How about you?" 
"babies are SO hard. good night louise, I can't wait to sit down with you!" 

etc. Invite her to decide something, invite her to express a feeling, invite her to put in her opinion about a household matter. 

Thank you :-)

[UnderProtest]

How do I get my husband to stop being selfish/self absorbed? It's like he really can't see anything beyond him.

[ElizabethBennet]

Jun 22, 2015 15:43:55 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

Jun 22, 2015 15:42:11 GMT -5 ElizabethBennet said:

Thank you :-)

and good for you for being worried about her and being proactive. she's got a lot to get right here, and it sounds like you are doing all the right things. Are you getting any sleep at all? 

Thank you for saying that, I'm so worried that she's gonna get lost in the shuffle of all that is going on. I'm doing my best to make sure she still feels some security in all this change.

And the sleep thing is pretty good considering we have an infant, most nights she sleeps at least a 4-5 hour stretch (we've even had a couple 7 hour stretches) so that reall helps. Luckily Dd2 is misty easy going.

[UnderProtest]

Jun 22, 2015 15:54:41 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

Jun 22, 2015 15:45:26 GMT -5 UnderProtest said:

How do I get my husband to stop being selfish/self absorbed? It's like he really can't see anything beyond him.

Hmm. 
Couple of examples please? 

Walks in the door complaining about his day, never bothering to ask about mine.
Only getting himself ready to leave the house, not bothering helping either kid.
Can barely put his own stuff away, much less anyone else's. 
The kicker was when he went to a soccer game when I had been violently ill the day before and still hadn't recovered. He didn't even discuss if I was okay with the kids. He just went. We had words about that one but nothing seems to stick. This new job and culture have definitely made it worse. 

[killercupcake]

Jun 22, 2015 15:02:18 GMT -5 killercupcake said:

Should I call the schools I applied to and ask when they plan on interviewing potential candidates or just wait it out?

SUE! HELP MEEEEEE. 

[ssmjlm]

How do I nicely tell a realtor we've talked to once and emailed that we need to move on to someone more responsive? We haven't signed a contract, but she did help my parents buy a condo by us. So I don't want to totally piss her off.

[Deleted]

My kid (5 y/o will be 6 in July) hates wearing his bathing suit. I personally have no problem with him swimming without clothes on in the privacy of our  pool in our own back yard. Am I weird for this?  I think it's nbd but H side eyes me about it. He's not inappropriate with others and always keeps his clothes when others are around or when we are at others' homes. 

[roadbananas]

I broke my phone last night. I quickly submitted my insurance claim and the phone will arrive tomorrow at my office.

What time will it come?

[MixedBerryJam]

Are you still taking questions? What day activities can I do with my teens that aren't movies, museum, hikes or attending sports or movies (some of these they like to do so we'll do them, some of these they're not interested so we won't, but I just need some new ideas. Neither bloodsucking leech boy is gainfully employed, so we have plenty of time. Where should we go for a weekend that isn't Norfolk, VA or Chicago (both of which are already planned)?

[4speedy]

Jun 22, 2015 16:20:14 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

Jun 22, 2015 16:00:44 GMT -5 UnderProtest said:

Walks in the door complaining about his day, never bothering to ask about mine.
Only getting himself ready to leave the house, not bothering helping either kid.
Can barely put his own stuff away, much less anyone else's. 
The kicker was when he went to a soccer game when I had been violently ill the day before and still hadn't recovered. He didn't even discuss if I was okay with the kids. He just went. We had words about that one but nothing seems to stick. This new job and culture have definitely made it worse. 

Damn. This is a tough one. 'Making' someone see that their actions are unfair, and then compelling them to be more fair, are two really tough deals. This is mostly going to be about toughening up YOU and your responses to his assholiness. 

What can help you is to take his disgust with helping completely out of the picture. So what if he's unhappy if you 'make' him fix breakfast, or get the kids dressed. So he bitches.  "you're in charge of dinner this week" is a perfectly fine statement, and you have to be prepared to not fix dinner once you have made that direction. If he doesn't fix it, you don't either. Give the kids peanut butter and jelly, and eat what you like, but don't fix his dinner. You cannot pick up his slack. He doesn't do laundry? Well, don't do his; make sure you and the kids have clean clothes, and if he wants to wear dirty clothes, well, how does that impact you? So he wears dirty clothes. He'll get with the program after a while. 

You have to stop caring if he's upset that you require his assistance. Note that you are not asking for help; his assistance is required. He has two children; they are not pets. 

You also have to expect him to ratchet up his resistance to pitching in when you start this for a while. You have to not care. 

Everything SueSue said and I'll add this.  You have to be pleasantly civil to him despite his bad attitude.  I have noticed with my kids, when they are giving me attitude, if I follow their lead, it's a downward spiral.  When your DH is at his most assholishness, you just keep thinking to yourself, "your bad attitude will not ruin my mood!"  And repeat it inside your head, over and over.  You don't have to be fake nice to him, just keep your tone level and don't sink into the quagmire with him.  You will have to practice walking the fine line of being stern with your DH without crossing over to bitchy attitude.  If your DH thinks you're just being bitchy, you've lost the battle.  He needs to see as a force to be reckoned with, not a bitch to ignore.

[Nonny]

My weirdo neighbors just brought in another truckload of tires. What on earth are they doing with hundreds of used tires in their backyard?

[UnderProtest]

Thanks @cse1960

I know I take things more personally than I should and need to toughen up in general (and especially recently). It almost feels selfish to me to act that way and it isn't the way I normally operate. I'll work on it. Thanks.

[roadbananas]

Jun 22, 2015 16:47:09 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

Jun 22, 2015 16:39:37 GMT -5 roadbananas said:

I broke my phone last night. I quickly submitted my insurance claim and the phone will arrive tomorrow at my office.

What time will it come?

By noon. 
Or, if you're me, it'll arrive on Saturday, when no one is there, and it'll be sent back. 

Funny!!

(and that WOULDN'T be funny)

[MixedBerryJam]

Jun 22, 2015 16:45:46 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

Jun 22, 2015 16:39:30 GMT -5 MixedBerryJam said:

Are you still taking questions? What day activities can I do with my teens that aren't movies, museum, hikes or attending sports or movies (some of these they like to do so we'll do them, some of these they're not interested so we won't, but I just need some new ideas. Neither bloodsucking leech boy is gainfully employed, so we have plenty of time. Where should we go for a weekend that isn't Norfolk, VA or Chicago (both of which are already planned)?

Day activities? 

Ok, get them busy. Painting the house, cleaning, wiping, walking the dog, mowing the lawn, weeding the flowers, scrubbing the tub, etc. They should be helping a lot. A LOT.  Learning to put together a meal, doing the grocery shopping, etc. Teach them how to drive a stick. 

as far as cheap activities? we played poker with the boys as teens, a lot. 

Go see someplace historic in your state, one weekend; or hiking in a local park. 

OMFG What does it say about me that I haven't given one wink of thought to giving them more than the minimal chores they've been doing for years. OMG I am an idiot. Thank you thank you thank you! I like the poker idea, too. We can do penny ante with the change I find in the laundry!

[Nonny]

Jun 22, 2015 16:51:36 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

Jun 22, 2015 16:47:43 GMT -5 Nonny said:

My weirdo neighbors just brought in another truckload of tires. What on earth are they doing with hundreds of used tires in their backyard?

No clue but that's a health hazard and likely a violation of some sort of city codes. I'd call someone and start bitching. Hundreds of used tires are a haven for rodents and infestations of all kinds. 

I don't know who I would complain to, we live outside of city limits in an unincorporated part of the county.

[Nonny]

Thanks, I did a search using some of your terms and found a way to file a complaint online. It seems to fall under the category of being a nuisance due to the accumulation of junk/debris, including but not limited to tires.

[Nonny]

Jun 22, 2015 17:21:34 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

Jun 22, 2015 17:19:20 GMT -5 Nonny said:

Thanks, I did a search using some of your terms and found a way to file a complaint online. It seems to fall under the category of being a nuisance due to the accumulation of junk/debris, including but not limited to tires.

AWESOME.  
I can't imagine this kind of mess next door. I hope they help you. 

Right now I'm actually finding it more confusing than problematic. We're all on decent sized lots, we have a privacy fence, and our yard has a lot of trees, and I can see the tires through the trees. The stack keeps growing and growing and I keep wondering WTF.  But I hadn't thought of vermin becoming an issue until you mentioned it.  Since we are somewhat rural, that could easily get out of control.

[CurlyQ284]

UnderProtest I don't know if it helps but I'm in the exact same place. Plus also step kids he refuses to parent. I just started therapy last week. We haven't done any "work" yet but getting it all out made me feel so much better. You aren't alone! ((hugs))

[SwimDeep]

Are you still taking questions? I could really use some advice.

How do you turn a home into a haven? A safe space for both you and your mate.

My H and I are really struggling to find a good balance right now. We're in difficult (but not dire) circumstances, and we're living in close quarters (by which I mean we have one bathroom and a microwave/toaster oven/coffee maker). Essentials are covered, but I'm wondering if I'm missing something because it seems like we spend a lot of time arguing.

[curtains]

Are you still offering advice? My dd is growing increasingly angry about everything. And to be honest I am having a shorter fuse myself.

She demands special meals. Complains over every chore. Yells over everything I say or do. I am missing my sweet dd but am accepting that she is a teen and needs to show her independence. Tonight I asked when she was going to bed so I could watch oitnb. We agreed on 9. Then she started yelling that she would not be confined and she was going to sit in the living room while I watched. I told her the show was not appropriate and she needed to be in her room when I put it on. She said no.

She threw a fit and ended up walking out the front door. We live in a complex and she is often alone outside walking the dogs so I didn't follow her.

It's been 20 minutes and now I am second guessing myself. Should I go and look for her or let her cool off?

I am really having a tough time with this age.

[SwimDeep]

Thank you so much @cse1960 - That was exactly what I needed to hear

[bonquiqui]

What do you do to turn your week around when you're having an absolutely shitty go of it? I know I need to put on a happy face tomorrow and Count my blessings. I suppose I already know the answer.

[curtains]

Jun 22, 2015 18:58:07 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

Jun 22, 2015 18:36:01 GMT -5 curtains said:

Are you still offering advice? My dd is growing increasingly angry about everything. And to be honest I am having a shorter fuse myself.

She demands special meals. Complains over every chore. Yells over everything I say or do. I am missing my sweet dd but am accepting that she is a teen and needs to show her independence. Tonight I asked when she was going to bed so I could watch oitnb. We agreed on 9. Then she started yelling that she would not be confined and she was going to sit in the living room while I watched. I told her the show was not appropriate and she needed to be in her room when I put it on. She said no.

She threw a fit and ended up walking out the front door. We live in a complex and she is often alone outside walking the dogs so I didn't follow her.

It's been 20 minutes and now I am second guessing myself. Should I go and look for her or let her cool off?

I am really having a tough time with this age.

How old is she? 

14 soon to be 15.

[curtains]

I went and got her. She was across the street sitting on the playground slide.

She is a good kid. But stubborn as hell. Lol. I am not sure how to navigate the power plays but I imagine this won't be my last post asking advice.

[Deleted]

Jun 22, 2015 16:54:58 GMT -5 Nonny said:

Jun 22, 2015 16:51:36 GMT -5 @cse1960 said:

No clue but that's a health hazard and likely a violation of some sort of city codes. I'd call someone and start bitching. Hundreds of used tires are a haven for rodents and infestations of all kinds. 

I don't know who I would complain to, we live outside of city limits in an unincorporated part of the county.

Maybe they're building an Earthship! That's the only (kind of) sane reason i know of to buy that many tires.

[Nonny]

Jun 22, 2015 19:49:43 GMT -5 @ameliapond said:

Jun 22, 2015 16:54:58 GMT -5 Nonny said:

I don't know who I would complain to, we live outside of city limits in an unincorporated part of the county.

Maybe they're building an Earthship! That's the only (kind of) sane reason i know of to buy that many tires.

LOL! That would definitely be against code/zoning, but wouldn't have the rodent or mosquito problem.