Who has old (80+) parent/parents?

[Marmee]

How's it going?  Are you older or did your parent have you later in life?  My Dad had me at 43 (& my younger sister at 49)?

My Dad is coming up on 83 & I saw him for the first time yesterday in maybe 6mo.  He's aging so much now....his face is just dropping, he's getting thinner (he's always been biggish/strong) & his memory is going.  I was OK yesterday but I'm seeing him tonight probably for the last time in a while & I'm tearing up just thinking about it.   I'm lucky to have had him so long (my FIL passed in his 50s) so I feel like I can't say anything to my DH....but man this is rough.  I think I'm going to ramp up making an effort to go see him for the next few years because I wouldn't be surprised if he has the beginnings of Alzheimer's (like his father).  

[leonard131]

It is hard. My dad is 77, my mom is 75 and so are my ILs. My dad still has a lot of spunk and is really active. My mom on the other had is barely mobile. It is hard but it makes me angry because it is of her own doing, she needs to lose weight and she had never followed through with her PT for various issues. I worry about my dad having to take care of her and her cramping his lifestyle since he does, like to be active.

[ssmjlm]

FIL is 71 and in the past year has gone downhill a lot physically. It's very difficult for DH b/c FIL is very stubborn and set in his ways. Right now he's having back and knee problems, but instead of doing something about them, he basically doesn't leave the house unless absolutely necessary.

[UnderProtest]

My FIL is 66 but is completely reliant on a walker, just spent a couple weeks in an acute rehabilitation facility for his movement and is headed to an assisted living center in the very near future. We don't see him often but it is really scary when your parents start declining.

[Deleted]

My father is 72 and my mom is 65. They're both fit and healthy, but slowing down. My mom is still mostly okay, but my dad gets tired easily, throws out his back frequently, sleeps 12+ hours a day. His age really hit me about a year ago. I was walking up the church aisle with DS, thinking "who is that old man sitting in OUR pew....holy shit that's dad!" I hadn't realized he was completely gray and started balding, age spots on his face and hands, etc.

[auntie]

It's hard.

My parents are 81 and 77. Both have significant health issue but my mother is more proactive around staying sharp and physically active. My dad, not so much. Our relationship has always been complicated and it's getting worse as he gets older. He's lots a lot of friends recently and he's very unfiltered.

[anna7602]

My parents are in Their mid-to-late 70s. They had me later (I have siblings in their 50s) and I'm nearly 40 myself.

It sucks. My relationship with my mother was never great, but now that both her physical and mental health (beginning stages of some kind of dementia/maybe Alzheimer's) are in decline, it's even worse. And my father is stressed out and irritable trying to manage her/take care of her when he has his own issues to deal with. I used to have a great relationship with him. Now, I'm struggling with how disappointed I am in how he is dealing with my mother and how he basically disregards medical advice given to both of them. Combine that with their finances being a bit messy and their inability to be active grandparents and it's kind of a disaster.

Nonetheless, I see them about once/month or at least once every two months. They spend part of their time in Florida and part of their time about a three-hour drive from me. I went to Florida in April and we all met up at my brothers house in NJ last month. They will probably come to see me next week.

[DarcyLongfellow]

Mine aren't (they're both 65), but I'm definitely starting to notice their age. They're in the process of selling their house and moving close to us. They used to move every two years with the military, but every aspect of this move is causing them so much stress. A lot of times I'm feeling like DH and I are the ones giving them advice instead of the other way around. And my dad has already had several talks with me about their wishes and what he wants me to do if either of them should be hospitalized or incapacitated.

It's very scary to watch your parents age

[VillainV]

My FIL is 88. It's rough, especially since we don't live near them. He lives with MIL and GMIL, so he's well taken care of......but his health is slipping, and he has a pretty bad attitude about it (doesn't take care of himself because he this he's dying soon anyway -- he's not, but at his age a negative attitude is pretty damaging). It's hard on H knowing that each special day may be his last with his dad ( Fathers Day, Christmas, etc).

[niq]

My parents are both 63. Dad is fine, and mom's problems are mostly physical. It's not great but it could be a lot worse. I'm looking forward to V having enough self sufficiency that she can watch him on her own for longer than a bathroom break.

[rootbeerfloat]

MIL is 80, and FIL passed away earlier this year at 88. (They had kids later, and H is the baby.) They have always been "old" to me, but they have declined physically in recent years. H and his sibs finally got them to downsize to an apartment last year, but MIL will not move near any of us (though she bounces between her kids' west coast homes in the winter). The distance makes it difficult to provide day-to-day support with things like grocery shopping, etc.

[kdubs923]

DH's parents had him in their 40s, 15 and 17 years after DH's brothers were born. His parents are still very active, but their age is showing. They go to FL for the winter and the changes are always particularly noticeable when we see them again after being apart for 3 or 4 months.

The one I'm struggling with is my dad, even though he's only 58. He and I were always very close, but I noticed some personality changes when he married my stepmother a few years ago. I thought it was her, but turns out he was in the beginning stages of dementia. It's progressed quicker than I anticipated and at his most recent neurological evaluation, was deemed 'severe dementia', so now I'm exploring 24 hour care options as that time is closer than I anticipated.

It's been difficult to balance caring for parents (I'm an only child), plus a toddler all while pregnant and working a full time job. Nobody ever gets the full attention they deserve/need.

[heygrey]

Were heading there with h's parents. H was born when mil was 40 and fil was 41-42. I just see them getting slower, having a harder time keeping up with the grandkids. I am incredibly thankful that some of h's siblings live close and will be able to help them in the coming years. Well do what we can, but we're limited by the distance.