Update from my appointment

[abcdefu]

I'll start with the good news! My strength is significantly better than before the surgery. I am really happy about this. Also, I am allowed to go in the pool.

The bad news: the MRI showed I have a ton of scar tissue and that is what is causing my spasms and pain. There is nothing that can be done to fix this because re-opening my back to get the scar tissue out would be counterproductive because it would result in more scar tissue.

Also my doctor mentioned my weight as being a contributing factor for my pain. He told me it looked like I gained more weight since he last saw me. Actually I lost 5lbs and NEVER wearing the dress I was wearing again.I ugly cried a lot, but I knew it was coming.

He said that I need to stop reflecting on what I was able to do in the past and accept myself for what I can do now. It doesn't matter that I was able to eat like crap, exercise 5-6 days a week, and stay skinny. That is not who I am now and I need to accept it. It was really hard to hear the truth, but it was the swift kick in the ass I needed. I told him how much I am relying on the wheelchair and he seemed okay with it. I told him I was terrified of my cord re-tethering and he said that it's not an irrational concern. 

I may not be pain free and comfortable, but I know I am going to be okay once I get a grip on this.

Again, I wanted to thank you ladies for all your good juju, thoughts, prayers, and words of encouragement. This board has been amazingly supportive and it is much appreciated!

[wampuscat]

I'm sorry it wasn't the greatest appointment, but yay for the increased strength and being able to get in the pool! I don't know if I ever mentioned, but XH had major back surgery, and you are handling this WAY better than he did. You're a rockstar!

[glitzyglow]

I'm glad there was good in the visit, but I hate that you were upset. Although I think I'm in denial about getting older and my metabolism slowing down...why can't I eat all the ice cream and be down on the scale 2lbs the next day? Oh that's right...I'm getting older.

You've done great and I know it's been an uphill battle, but I'm so proud of you!

[MyName]

I'm sorry it wasn't all good news, but yay for the good news! You have handled all of this with such grace and strength, I am sure you will face any new hurdles the same way. You are doing great! Hugs, healthy vibes, good thoughts, and prayers for you.

[abcdefu]

Thanks ladies! I'm going to be okay. It is just going to be an adjustment.

When I was younger, I was so ashamed of my illness. I am hoping there is a SB patient lurking and my posts help them. I think it's important for people to know what SB is and how it effects people. It's not a common condition that gets a lot of attention.

[starburst604]

I just want to say that you always have an amazing outlook. You're always able to find a positive in your situation.

[redshoejune]

I'm sorry things aren't the best. Good luck continuing to adjust and move forward.

[1confused1]

Jun 23, 2015 18:21:22 GMT -5 abcdefu said:

He said that I need to stop reflecting on what I was able to do in the past and accept myself for what I can do now. It doesn't matter that I was able to eat like crap, exercise 5-6 days a week, and stay skinny. That is not who I am now and I need to accept it. 

First of all, you have an amazing attitude!

What I quoted above is something *I* need to accept too.  Getting older sucks!

[bg]

I'm so impressed with your attitude as well. Continued positive thoughts to you!

[calle28]

Your positivity, optimism and openness is really inspiring.

I know you get down sometimes because of your surgery, but that is totally normal.

You really are rocking this recovery!

[winecat]

Yay for good news! Big hugs for the not so good news and loads of juju for continued improvement! I want your awesome attitude to be rewarded with good things.

[bl]

I am so happy you are getting stronger and can get in the pool now. As always your outlook on things is amazing and I love your doctors advice.

[Deleted]

((abcdefu)) you are incredibly strong and you will get through this.

[Emerald1486]

Hugs for you. It is hard thinking of what you could once do. I still have times where I get frustrated with what I can no longer do because of my surgery and the stroke. BUT I know you will get through this and be a new kind of amazing.

[abcdefu]

Thanks ladies! I have so many amazing support teams in my life, so that makes it so much easier! My physical therapist gave me her email address so I don't have to wait until Friday to find out what happened at my appointment. This is the kind of stuff that make me feel like I have a purpose. All of the amazing things you ladies have said about me (ie: inspiring, strong, etc.), I need to realize I really am all of those things. Just because I cry and get depressed some days, that doesn't make me any less strong. It doesn't even have to mean I am having a bad day, but I'm having a bad moment and that doesn't have to set the tone for my entire day.

When I get upset, I like to look back at my older posts and read all the replies. It makes me feel so much better!