SAHMs, do you feel pressured

[atarianna]

To have more kids? Recently I had met several different SAHMs who have 3+ kids who have asked if we were planning more. When I said probably not, they gasped and went on to tell me that children are God's greatest gift and "what was I going to do" with only two.

It caught me off guard.

Also, this is probably a good time to point out that I don't feel like I really "fit" in the SAHM mold here and am causually looking into going back to work.

[pinkdutchtulips]

i'm a working mom and felt pressured to have a 2nd !

[mcfelix]

I can't answer this for myself, but my best friend is in this situation. She is a SAHM with two kids and many of the SAHMs in her area have more kids - 3, 4 and 5 kids. She is teetering on having a 3rd, but financially knows that she needs to go back to work in another year or two (her youngest turns 3 this summer). Money is extremely tight for them, but that was a conscious choice they made when deciding she would be a SAHM. She doesn't necessarily feel pressure from the other moms to have more kids in the manner that you describe, but it's more of an internal pressure since all these other moms she hangs out with have more than 2 kids.

[Deleted]

People are weird and it's pretty damn easy to say have more kids when you aren't the ones birthing or paying for them.

Just ignore.

[SJ]

This is so weird.

I personally think that if I was happy & financially comfortable SAH, I would have "lots" of kids. But at the moment we are thinking of having 3+ anyway, with zero plans for either of us to ever SAH. I would never presume that other people feel the same way, or that it was my place to tell them so. There are millions of factors that go into family size, none of which are generally anyone else's business.

Plus anyone who is trying to convince me of anything by saying anything about "God's gifts" does not get my attention for long anyway.

[cinco]

No, but I have 3 and didn't become a SAHM until after my 2nd. I can see how people would feel pressure to have more than one, SAH or working.

[pinkdutchtulips]

Jun 24, 2015 12:31:29 GMT -5 @kcpokergal said:

People are weird and it's pretty damn easy to say have more kids when you aren't the ones birthing or paying for them.

Just ignore.

whenever someone told me that i should have another, i wanted to say 'sure !!! if you want to pay for the additional daycare and health insurance premiums ...'

thankfully pregnancy wasn't hell for me but the financial cost for ONE was crippling at times !

[Deleted]

Not me personally but I do remember someone asking this on another board and the SAHMs of one answering yes.

[Deleted]

Anyone that evokes God as a reason to do anything is immediately turned into Charlie Brown's teacher in my mind anyway.

[mainelyfoolish]

No, but big families and SAHMs aren't that common where I am.

If someone said that to me, I'd happily tell them how I think 1.5 is the perfect number of children but since children only come in whole numbers and I had to round up to 2, I'm already a half a kid over my ideal limit.

[scribellesam]

In my city and circle of acquaintance, it's much stranger to want or have more than two. So people just nod in understanding when we say we're done having kids.

[hopecounts]

It's killing me that of my Mom Group (mostly SAHM but a few Working Moms) I am one of 2 that doesn't have at least 2 and most have 3 or are pregnant with #3

[timorousbeastie]

I get it all the time, but I'm pretty sure the same people would be making comments if I worked, too. When I tell them I am firmly OAD, it tends to not go over well, but oh well. Not their life, not their decision.

[cinco]

Jun 24, 2015 12:47:00 GMT -5 @sessalee said:

Anyone that evokes God as a reason to do anything is immediately turned into Charlie Brown's teacher in my mind anyway.

That too. Chances are I would not click with these people.

[laurack]

huh. Isn't having three the weird thing to do?? that's my impression, that everyone expects you to have two and then stop. If you say you are pregnant with a third everyone would just assume it was a mistake

[arebee]

I don't know if pressure is the right word but I feel out of place, maybe? Not sure what the right term is. I live in the land of SAHMs and most people have 3 or 4 kids. I am quite firmly in the OAD camp and I will start working again when DD starts preschool. I didn't enjoy pregnancy, I am not a baby person, and it's a struggle for us financially for me to be at home. I also don't make enough for daycare to be worth it for us. A 2nd kid does not make sense for us. I feel like our lives or circumstances don't line up with those around us and we have to do what works for us even if that makes us the odd man out.

I agree with the person upthread who said that if they aren't birthing them or paying for them then it's none of their business.

[laurack]

I sometimes think, if I were a SAHM I'd have another because it's not like I need to find the money for another in daycare

THEN I realize if I were a SAHM I'd have to STAY HOME with two kids while enduring a pregnancy, then stay home with ALL THREE KIDS. So I change my mind.

[cleosprite]

That's weird. We're thinking about having more, but not for lack of things to do. And you come tell me how my kids are a gift from God when they are both screaming in the middle of the grocery store or taking turns waking up all. Night. Long.

I've met SAHMs with all number of kids where I am. Most of them have or want at least 2, but a lot of them stop there. And I can think of at least one mom who is OAD.

[Deleted]

Me personally? Not at all. But most people know that due to my hellish long backstory I'm not taking crap about it from anyone either.  

One of my very bffs from college is like this though. She's had 4 kids in pretty much 4 years and insistent her life is the best, everyone needs to have ALL the kids esp. if you're going to be home with them and why would anyone not want to have ALL the kids because it always works out in the end. 

We're not all that chatty anymore these days...lol. It's fine if that's what she wants, but that doesn't mean it needs to be me.

[cilantro]

Not a SAHM but my SAHM friend when told that I was DONE at two responded, "Awwwww, you can't! They'll be so lonely!" I was a little surprised.

[lindyanne]

I only have one and lots of people tell us we need to have more but I don't think it has anything to do with me SAH.

[mlt]

I don't SAH but my in laws sound like your "friends." They have said they wish my SIL would have another baby (or even two more!) and she SAH. She has two kids. So do I! But MIL has said we should not have any more, because it would be "overwhelming" for us and we should "appreciate" what we have. MMMMkay.

[Marmee]

No, I can't recall being pressured to have even 1 kid. I felt pressure NOT to have more than 2 & when I did it wasn't always met with resounding happiness. Now that I have 4, I'm the butt of jokes of people with 1-2...working/SAH has nothing to do with the comments though.

[Deleted]

I don't feel pressured at all. 2 kids around here is the norm, there's not very many 3+ kid families here. And I've never heard that "gift from god" hooey.

[drloretta]

That sounds like a weird people issue, not a SAHM issue. I've never gotten comments like that

[redheadk]

No. I mean, people ask if we're having a 2nd but just because most people have more than one, nothing like what you're talking about.

I'm really glad I don't know any sahms like that. Sounds obnoxious!

[ilikedonuts]

No. 2 kids seem to be what all my SAHM friends have. A couple have just 1 and a few have 3. I'm sure some more will end up with 3 in the end, but I think 2 will still be the most common.

[Deleted]

I know more than a few SAHM's who had another just as their youngest was entering kindergarten. I contemplated it just so I could justify continueing to stay home, but that's a crazy reason to have another kid.