Putting this out there

[spedrunner]

So I realize that I am unhappy and working to try to change that.  I am unhappy with myself, i love to deprive myself of joy, etc. I self sabotage, and with therapy am working through it

Anyway, my mood and my constant anxiety/worry, etc is such a deterrent for me from wanting to spend time with others. I do NOT want to burden them with my life and problems, but at this point feel as if I am being "fake" if i spend time with others and put on an act that I am all happy and dandy, because I am not

So I am avoiding people for fear of my burdens being carried over to them. I feel like I will bother or exhaust them if I share my problems, yet at the same time, I need to vent and get things out (This makes me feel so much better!)

I write, i blog, i talk to my therapist and it helps, but i still want/need people interaction. I am getting bored and lonely, but feel like I am a burden to others so I avoid them and feel lonely and bored instead!

How do you deal with this? 

[flex]

I go to AA meetings and talk about what it was like, what happened and what it's like now. Plus I have my sponsor to unload about my life's issues, AND I have a plethora of friends who are in recovery that talk to me about their issues and I talk to them about mine.

I'm something of a loner, but I do need interaction with people. It's my understanding that it's good for your health to have a support network so I do make an effort to reach out to people for my own good, but there are times where I feel like becoming a hermit is a good thing. lol

Don't be too hard on yourself--a lot of us feel the same you do, but I encourage you to reach out to people. ((hugs))

[lovelovelove]

Do you have one or two people in your life who you feel,comfortable sharing with? I bet if you let some of what's on your mind out to even just one person it will feel like a weight is lifted. I know it's hard. I'm a bottler until I over share and I'm thinking there is some middle ground.

There is something so important about being connected to another person on that level where you can get your story and feelings out. My therapist always encourages me to pick one or two people to share as completely as possible what's happening with me.

And I'm 100% sure you will not be a burden. The person you trust with telling this stuff to will be very glad you've confided in them.

I hope you're feeling more peaceful soon.

[Deleted]

Sending you hugs, spedrunner. I tend to keep to myself as well. However, it is so nice to have people who listen and care about what you are saying. I have friends in the program (AA) and a sponsor who are great. Also a couple of "normies" who are great confidants. I bet you'd feel relief if you could talk about your unhappiness with a friend.

Turn the situation around. Wouldn't you be honored and feel special if one of your friends shared what was REALLY going on?