. I really think you're shooting yourself (and your children) in the foot by continuing to opt out of the work force.
I 100% agree with this. I can't tell if you want to move back to CA to be closer to family (obviously nothing wrong with this) but using this golden opportunity there as ammo to move.
If you are content where you are, you can find a job locally. I don't think I would uproot my family and move across country for $40-45k.
I feel like this thread is all over the place, so I can't give great advice but it needs to be a decision that both you and DH make. Stay- you both find jobs. Even if daycare is half what you bring home, it's more than you make now. If you found a restaurant job you could likely pick up a Fri-Sunday shift while your husband is home with the kids and make a good amount of money. Sell your house and move closer to the city- cuts down on commuting/gas/time away from family. Sell and move across country- with or without your DH. I don't think you should force him into a corrections job but he needs to look for a job- in your current location or in CA.
Definitely look at selling your current house and move into or closer to the city. Being in such a remote area is hurting your options for employment and causing expensive commuting costs. You need to be closer to employment and community support systems. BOTH of you need to get jobs. Getting out of the "country" setting will help you to "tag team" your work hours, etc. WANTING to be closer to your family, is not sufficient reason to make that move.