FFFC

[glitzyglow]

I had to double check it was Friday since one wasn't started already!

My FFFC love life edition:

I kind of enjoyed the audio book I listened to about finding your soulmate. I'm even considering doing some of the odd suggestions she had that she says will encourage the universe to send me my soulmate. The fact that I am considering this makes me feel a bit pathetic and desperate.

I had yet another fun, great first date from tinder and then the guy faded away. I am a one-date wonder with the guys I find attractive and I wish I understood why. It's most likely me, but I can't figure out what it is about me that allows for fun dates and no contact again.

[Deleted]

I'm drunk at 10:45 and on a conference call. Hey that's what you get for asking me to take a call on vacation

[glitzyglow]

mp, my friends seem baffled, too. There normally isn't much texting to report after the date. This time after the date I texted a joke about something we discussed earlier, he sent a funny picture response, I thanked him for inviting me out, he texted me he had a great time, I said I did, too, and then I went to bed. He hasn't reached out since. I reached out once and he responded, but it was short answers and not engaged like before.

[Deleted]

Also glitzyglow I feel ya! I read a synopsis of a book that was about people who are single for a super long time. It basically says there is no rhyme nor reason why some people are single. It really is just luck. And I think you and I fall in that category. Everyone assumed we must be doing something wrong, but frankly we just haven't met the right person yet. The book says something about "they say be your best, but my friend met her husband throwing up in the bushes at a frat party?" So again I'm just like maybe I'm unlucky? I've decided to stop focusing on what "I" am doing wrong and just living my life.

[doglove]

Aug 7, 2015 12:42:33 GMT -5 mp said:

glitzyglow have you asked a good friend to maybe review your text interactions and give you constructive feedback?

I don't think that positive thinking and doing positive things for your life is pathetic at all. I think doing little things to shift perspective can help whether you find someone right away or not. If nothing else these things will be good for your life, right?

It's been three weeks since my breakup. I'm having a hard time with the "why didn't he think I'm worth it!?" Piece. Zero doubts that I deserve better. 100% confident that I am healthy and not asking too much. Just... Defeated a little.

And I got back on to tinder anyway. For friends. Lol.

I think it's not about the fact that he didn't think you were worth it, rather than he was limited in his capabilities. And they aren't mutually exclusive, even though sometimes it feels like it. I struggle with this often. 

[doglove]

glitzyglow, have you considered activities or volunteering that you could do in your city to get you to interact with people on a face to face level?

[Deleted]

Aug 7, 2015 15:21:22 GMT -5 doglove said:

glitzyglow, have you considered activities or volunteering that you could do in your city to get you to interact with people on a face to face level?

She's been single as long as I have. I'm sure she has considered this.

[doglove]

Aug 7, 2015 15:58:43 GMT -5 mp said:

Aug 7, 2015 15:20:01 GMT -5 doglove said:

I think it's not about the fact that he didn't think you were worth it, rather than he was limited in his capabilities. And they aren't mutually exclusive, even though sometimes it feels like it. I struggle with this often. 

Totally agree. It's something I "know" but not something I feel. I have to constantly tell my feelings to stfu. I want to go "if I am worth it then why didn't you want to make it work?!" But, he did want me. He just can't be what I need. Sigh.

I understand completely. Hugs. 

[Deleted]

@pdx18 glitzyglow I'm sorry you both feel this way.

If you don't mind me asking... How long have you been single?

As for being a one-date wonder, it's nothing with you. It's not about being lucky. It's chemistry and sometimes the other person doesn't feel it.

My flameful love confession: My weight gain keeps me from putting myself out there. I was hoping to see a former bang but our schedules didn't match up and I'm not even said about it. Gives me more time to get my body back.

[jigsy]

My not really a FFF but maybe deserves a slap in the face confession - I'm PMS'ing so I am miserable. Not really flameful, right? Except I'm letting myself go to a dark place, and it's mostly because I'm feeling extra emotional. Some of it is stupid, some of it is my issue with never feeling "worthy".
I know that I'll be able to more rationally deal with these feelings in a few days, but right now I'm just a negativity ball.
All will be fine, especially since most of the things I'm picking on are not "real" just perceived flaws.

[bg]

I'm irrationally annoyed that the first anti-anxiety meds DH tried is giving him insomnia. I'm impatient and want them to work NOW!

[Deleted]

@blissoff I've been single for five years not sure about glitzyglow but I think it's been about the same for her

[Deleted]

Aug 7, 2015 17:34:07 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

@blissoff I've been single for five years not sure about glitzyglow but I think it's been about the same for her

That's not true. You've had a few fellows here and there. And you're actively dating.

I'm very new agey so forgive me if I overstep, but take a cue from glitzyglow and call your soul mate.

Like you I have not gotten married in the last 5+ years. However, I've gone on many dates, I've dated a few guys, learned more about myself, had some great adventures, awesome sex, one step closer to finding love.

[Deleted]

Aug 7, 2015 17:50:06 GMT -5 @blissoff said:

Aug 7, 2015 17:34:07 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

@blissoff I've been single for five years not sure about glitzyglow but I think it's been about the same for her

That's not true. You've had a few fellows here and there. And you're actively dating.

I'm very new agey so forgive me if I overstep, but take a cue from glitzyglow and call your soul mate.

Like you I have not gotten married in the last 5+ years. However, I've gone on many dates, I've dated a few guys, learned more about myself, had some great adventures, awesome sex, one step closer to finding love.

Well I dated one guy for a few months? Frankly I find your post insulating. I'mi living my life but I cannot force someone to date me nor do I have the time to care and force it.

[Deleted]

Aug 7, 2015 17:59:35 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

Aug 7, 2015 17:50:06 GMT -5 @blissoff said:

That's not true. You've had a few fellows here and there. And you're actively dating.

I'm very new agey so forgive me if I overstep, but take a cue from glitzyglow and call your soul mate.

Like you I have not gotten married in the last 5+ years. However, I've gone on many dates, I've dated a few guys, learned more about myself, had some great adventures, awesome sex, one step closer to finding love.

Well I dated one guy for a few months? Frankly I find your post insulating. I'mi living my life but I cannot force someone to date me nor do I have the time to care and force it.

My apologies for overstepping.

[glitzyglow]

Aug 7, 2015 15:21:22 GMT -5 doglove said:

glitzyglow, have you considered activities or volunteering that you could do in your city to get you to interact with people on a face to face level?

I've joined a few monthly clubs and gone to events, but most people are a) women or b) in a relationship. In my new job I do a ton of networking, but I've met mostly women and older men at the government and community events I attend. I have no idea where all the single younger men are! My roommate is in a lot of inter-mural sports leagues and most of the time it seems to be women. In fact, her last kickball team was made up of 12 women because hardly any men signed up for the league. She was appropriately frustrated, lol.

@blissoff, I've been single for 3.5 years.

jigsy, I hope this passes quickly for you. You are totally worthy. (heart)

[frontbutt]

My confession is that I just want to crawl into bed and stay there. I know I should be around people right now and let them give me support, but my first instinct is to push everyone away and isolate myself. I barely talked to anyone at my job since I came back from my business trip, and I've cried on the way home in my car maybe two or three times this week.

I knew I was going to be sad about this divorce, but I didn't know I was going to fall apart

[jigsy]

Here is one of the reasons I am a little stressed, and maybe someone here might have some advice or something about one of the main reasons I am stressed. A week ago my car was stolen, and it hasn't been recovered. At this point, it probably won't be, so I will be needing to get a new car probably next weekend since insurance will only cover the rental for 3 days after the settlement is offered on my car. I think I will get enough to pay off the lease, but I'm pretty sure I will not get my down payment back.

So now I am looking at my options again, but I am in a different situation than I was when I bought in May. I have been carrying CC debt because of the house sale, and now we have sold the house, and the CC's are paid, but that won't really reflect on my credit score in time for this car purchase and my score is a bit lower now than it was because of the debt I was carrying. I didn't think it would matter in the long run since I wasn't planning any big purchases, lol.

So I'm not sure what to do at this point. Should I apply for a loan to see if I would still be approved like I was before? I'm thinking I will purchase a used car and not put anything down since I don't want to pay out that extra money again. I have thought about going back to Ford, where my lease is, to see if they will work with me at all, but I am not sure that they really have any incentive to do so. I don't think my current credit score will allow me to qualify for the good terms that I was previously qualified for in May.

[Deleted]

jigsy a lot of dealerships have good rates no matter what your credit score. I'd call around and see what dealerships offer. I got a 5 year loan for 2.9% and the salesman told me depending on credit it was 2.9 or 3.9.

[jojoandleo]

One of H's friends vaguebooked about everything being a lie. So of course everyone offered support and all and she responded to it all "just leave me alone!" I offered to take her out for a drink or talk or whatever. And I am annoyed by her response. Realistically I should be annoyed because DONT post shit if you want to be left alone! But really, I'm just a nosey bitch and I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENED! I'm 99.9% sure her and her BF broke up (they are no longer FB friends), but what did he lie about!?!

If this was MY friend, I would just be worried about her. But she's H's. She's more my acquaintance, so I'm just nosey.

[bg]

Aug 7, 2015 18:47:18 GMT -5 frontbutt said:

My confession is that I just want to crawl into bed and stay there. I know I should be around people right now and let them give me support, but my first instinct is to push everyone away and isolate myself. I barely talked to anyone at my job since I came back from my business trip, and I've cried on the way home in my car maybe two or three times this week.

I knew I was going to be sad about this divorce, but I didn't know I was going to fall apart

I'm sorry. :-( Give yourself time to feel all of the things you're feeling.

[stephreloaded]

Aug 7, 2015 17:59:35 GMT -5 @pdx18 said:

Aug 7, 2015 17:50:06 GMT -5 @blissoff said:

That's not true. You've had a few fellows here and there. And you're actively dating.

I'm very new agey so forgive me if I overstep, but take a cue from glitzyglow and call your soul mate.

Like you I have not gotten married in the last 5+ years. However, I've gone on many dates, I've dated a few guys, learned more about myself, had some great adventures, awesome sex, one step closer to finding love.

Well I dated one guy for a few months? Frankly I find your post insulating. I'mi living my life but I cannot force someone to date me nor do I have the time to care and force it.

I just don't understand what was the point of Bliss' post to be honest. Was it calling you a liar or telling you it's because she thinks you haven't done enough?

Dating here and there doesn't mean NOT being single. I have dated and met people but I haven't been in a relationship in 7 years. I think part of it is putting yourself "out there" but you also need luck. I tried for a while but I am kind of tired of it at the moment. 

[Deleted]

Aug 7, 2015 18:50:47 GMT -5 jigsy said:

Here 

FWIW, my story.  I bought a (used) car in February through the bank offering me the best rate.  My first payment was due mid-April.  Then I saw another bank was offering half the rate in early April, so I refinanced without penalty and ended up saving time and $ on the loan.  My score, in between February and April, had gone up, too, so that gave me an even lower rate.  Totally worth it, esp. if you can refinance early on.

[abcdefu]

I got a fitbit for my birthday gift from my mom, and while it is a nice gift, it's making me kinda depressed. I realized that for a whole day, I don't even walk a mile, but I am so exhausted. It make me sad. My sister and my mom break 10,000 steps daily and I can't even get half of that. Pity party for one please!

[redshoejune]

Aug 14, 2015 23:03:51 GMT -5 abcdefu said:

I got a fitbit for my birthday gift from my mom, and while it is a nice gift, it's making me kinda depressed. I realized that for a whole day, I don't even walk a mile, but I am so exhausted. It make me sad. My sister and my mom break 10,000 steps daily and I can't even get half of that. Pity party for one please!

10k steps is really hard for me to get. I've done it a handful of times in the last year. Set your own goal that's reasonable for you and don't beat yourself up!

/end pep talk

[abcdefu]

Aug 15, 2015 15:23:24 GMT -5 redshoejune said:

Aug 14, 2015 23:03:51 GMT -5 abcdefu said:

I got a fitbit for my birthday gift from my mom, and while it is a nice gift, it's making me kinda depressed. I realized that for a whole day, I don't even walk a mile, but I am so exhausted. It make me sad. My sister and my mom break 10,000 steps daily and I can't even get half of that. Pity party for one please!

10k steps is really hard for me to get. I've done it a handful of times in the last year. Set your own goal that's reasonable for you and don't beat yourself up!

/end pep talk

Thank you for saying this. I was just talking to my mom about how I feel and how it's making me feel bad about myself. She suggested that I unfriend everyone and just use it as a tool for myself. She said the reason she got it for me is so I can try to take more and more steps at my own pace each week. I feel a lot better about it now.

[bonquiqui]

Aug 15, 2015 16:59:35 GMT -5 abcdefu said:

Aug 15, 2015 15:23:24 GMT -5 redshoejune said:

10k steps is really hard for me to get. I've done it a handful of times in the last year. Set your own goal that's reasonable for you and don't beat yourself up!

/end pep talk

Thank you for saying this. I was just talking to my mom about how I feel and how it's making me feel bad about myself. She suggested that I unfriend everyone and just use it as a tool for myself. She said the reason she got it for me is so I can try to take more and more steps at my own pace each week. I feel a lot better about it now.

Please don't feel bad about yourself. Just keep going and keep improving on your count. Let me show you something. This first pic is last week

Attachments:

[bonquiqui]

This second picture is my first week with Fitbit

Attachments:

[abcdefu]

Aug 16, 2015 11:39:57 GMT -5 bonquiqui said:

This second picture is my first week with Fitbit

Thank you so much for sharing!! This makes me feel a lot better. The fitbit definitely makes me more conscious about walking a I can't wait to do the comparison to see how I improve week to week. You should be so proud of yourself!

[bonquiqui]

Aug 16, 2015 11:52:48 GMT -5 abcdefu said:

Aug 16, 2015 11:39:57 GMT -5 bonquiqui said:

This second picture is my first week with Fitbit

Thank you so much for sharing!! This makes me feel a lot better. The fitbit definitely makes me more conscious about walking a I can't wait to do the comparison to see how I improve week to week. You should be so proud of yourself!

Thank you! Just keep going and only you compare yourself to the person you were yesterday. I know that's cheesy, but it's true. I have come along way and I'm not going to forget it. I have lost 65 pounds since that first week. Just know that you can do it and if you ever need any support, we are here.