Dating Sites Questions

[kcr1972]

So I got dumped...again. Not surprised now that I think about it.

Anyway I thought I would check out some dating sites and I am so irritated how fast these guys jump to meeting. After 3-4 msgs back and forth just seems so fast. One wants to meet at the walking path by the river which is the last place I want to meet a total stranger. Are any of the sites less pressure than others??

[Deleted]

Which site(s) are you on?

[kcr1972]

Ok Cupid and POF or iwannawearyourskin.com

[Deleted]

You could try match. Com
I've had better luck on that site than any of the others. Pof is very redneck here and okc has a lot of 22 yos and scammers

[kcr1972]

Yeah I see OKC is out. first msg was from a 18 yr old that would rick my world. I am 43 GROSS

Headed to check out match

[1confused1]

FWIW, I usually ask to meet after a few messages. No sense in wasting time communicating if there's no real life connection.

[glitzyglow]

To be honest, I normally ask to meet people after a few messages as well. If you're not ready to meet that soon, it's okay to say you'd like to chat more before meeting up. POF was not a useful site in my area and I'm not willing to pay for Match, but Tinder and Bumble (app only) have lots of people on them. Granted, no matter what site you're on your probably going to meet some odd ducks. Sometimes on Tinder I see teenagers who say they are in their 20s but post pictures of themselves at prom and in their football gear, lol. The good thing about Tinder and Bumble is that they can only message you if you have also swiped yes to them, versus Match, POF, and OKC where anyone can message you.

[Deleted]

I prefer to meet after only a few messages. I don't think it's site specific but personality specific. If you're not comfortable with meeting then I'd be upfront and honest about that.

[alleinesein]

If you prefer to take things really slow and deal with messaging back and forth for ages before meeting in person you would probably be a good fit for eHarmony.

Not being willing to meet someone after a few interactions will cause a lot of men to move onto someone else. There is no use in wasting time on someone who doesn't want to meet up in person.

[Deleted]

Aug 11, 2015 16:46:13 GMT -5 kcr1972 said:

So I got dumped...again. Not surprised now that I think about it.

Anyway I thought I would check out some dating sites and I am so irritated how fast these guys jump to meeting. After 3-4 msgs back and forth just seems so fast. One wants to meet at the walking path by the river which is the last place I want to meet a total stranger. Are any of the sites less pressure than others??

Why are you not surprised that you got dumped?? Something about this whole thing makes me think maybe you're not ready to date.  I don't know your backstory though...

[pinkdutchtulips]

Aug 11, 2015 19:14:07 GMT -5 1confused1 said:

FWIW, I usually ask to meet after a few messages. No sense in wasting time communicating if there's no real life connection.

ditto ... I'll take it off the site and text then meet up after about a week (bc that's about how long it takes to line up a sitter).

[kcr1972]

No I'm not ready. I just wanted to see what is out there and the responses more than confirm I am not ready. I am looking for friendship more than anything. I can see now that isn't an option though. I am terribly lonely, like painfully so and I thought it would be an option.

[kcr1972]

I'm not saying the meet after a few messages is bad. But if those messages consist of "Hey" "How are you" "I'm good" "I'm horny" then nope. I can't do it. I'm trying my best to do this right and not be self destructive and latch on to the next dick that pops up if that makes sense.

[glitzyglow]

Have you tried meetup.com? It can be a great resource for making friends if there are groups in your area. There were none where I used to live but lots in my new city, so it might be a situational resource.

[kcr1972]

No meetups in my zipcode. Thx though

[whatnext]

I got some good advice in the post below about peace with being single.

I've kinda given up on making friends for the moment and just doing things I enjoy like going to a new brunch spot every Saturday because it makes me happier than not being able to make connections (in general).

[Wanderista]

Screening out weirdos is just kind of a fact of life with online dating. I wouldn't give up on a site based on a few interactions with the first people you talk with on the site unless there's something about the site itself that you just don't like or you think another site is a better fit for you.

I'll admit that I was always someone who wanted to wait and to chat with someone for a while before meeting them. It really did help me to screen people out and to figure out if there would be a connection. It was way better than going out with someone who I'd barely spoken with. The horrible dates I went on were generally cases where I deviated from my preferred style of interaction and then I'd go on a date with some random guy and think, "WTF?" because he was an alcoholic or propositioned me to move half way across the country with him on the first date (that did happen). 

I'm not saying that there's anything wrong with people who want to meet up faster but it was a total clash with me. I remember some guy turned into an ass because I didn't want to video Skype chat with him after we'd chatted for like 3 minutes total. Sorry dude, I'm not going to webcam with a total stranger and I think you're creepy if you keep pushing for it. He just wasn't the right guy for me but I wouldn't blame the OkC website for him. Anyway, there's nothing wrong with wanting to go slower if that's how you feel comfortable. There will be guys out there who will understand that or even be that way themselves. My BF was like that too.

[Deleted]

I actually haven't noticed any difference between the paid and non paid sites. And most of the "free" sites now offer paid features anyways. I still have had to wade through a ton of men either way.