WWYD

[jojoandleo]

Aug 14, 2015 9:29:15 GMT -5 TR said:

Aug 14, 2015 8:52:00 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

I mean if after 3-6 months if he has stopped being a child and decided he WANTS in this marriage, I'll look back in OKC. I feel it's a compromise. I'm not guaranteeing I'll move back. I'm just trying to make everything work.

You giving up a job you like (after only 3-6 months which isn't going to look good on your resume or be good for the new company), that he AGREED ABOUT INITIALLY, to move back because he just "doesn't want to move" is not a compromise. Sorry, I know I'm harping, but I am really pissed on your behalf that he's acting like this.

Well, if really love the job, it's not something I would do. I think I meant more we will re-assess every so often. Not a guarantee I will just up and move back.

I agree with your frustration and share it. Trust me. I felt completely blind-sided yesterday. Maybe he wasn't taking our first discussion seriously? But, I mean, we talked about it! We said he would stay until the house sold. He wouldn't tell his job he was leaving until then and then.  It seemed like a done deal.  If they offered less than what we had agreed to, I would have turned it down.  I feel like, why even tell me to apply?  Why even agree on a price?  Why not just tell me FROM THE BEGINNING he didn't want to move?  Then I wouldn't have applied!

[cuddlyevil]

Aug 14, 2015 9:36:24 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

Aug 14, 2015 9:29:15 GMT -5 TR said:

You giving up a job you like (after only 3-6 months which isn't going to look good on your resume or be good for the new company), that he AGREED ABOUT INITIALLY, to move back because he just "doesn't want to move" is not a compromise. Sorry, I know I'm harping, but I am really pissed on your behalf that he's acting like this.

Well, if really love the job, it's not something I would do. I think I meant more we will re-assess every so often. Not a guarantee I will just up and move back.

I agree with your frustration and share it. Trust me. I felt completely blind-sided yesterday. Maybe he wasn't taking our first discussion seriously? But, I mean, we talked about it! We said he would stay until the house sold. He wouldn't tell his job he was leaving until then and then.  It seemed like a done deal.  If they offered less than what we had agreed to, I would have turned it down.  I feel like, why even tell me to apply?  Why even agree on a price?  Why not just tell me FROM THE BEGINNING he didn't want to move?  Then I wouldn't have applied!

Okay, this makes me feel a little better. Though I have to say I'm still worried over his change from "sure, apply for it" to "Do what you want. I don't want to move".

[jojoandleo]

Aug 14, 2015 11:24:43 GMT -5 cuddlyevil said:

Aug 14, 2015 9:36:24 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

Well, if really love the job, it's not something I would do. I think I meant more we will re-assess every so often. Not a guarantee I will just up and move back.

I agree with your frustration and share it. Trust me. I felt completely blind-sided yesterday. Maybe he wasn't taking our first discussion seriously? But, I mean, we talked about it! We said he would stay until the house sold. He wouldn't tell his job he was leaving until then and then.  It seemed like a done deal.  If they offered less than what we had agreed to, I would have turned it down.  I feel like, why even tell me to apply?  Why even agree on a price?  Why not just tell me FROM THE BEGINNING he didn't want to move?  Then I wouldn't have applied!

Okay, this makes me feel a little better. Though I have to say I'm still worried over his change from "sure, apply for it" to "Do what you want. I don't want to move".

I have two theories:  1-he is terrified of change.  2- he is still unsure about our marriage.  Either way, I think taking the job is the right thing to do.

[cuddlyevil]

Agreed jojoandleo

[jigsy]

I am glad you are taking the job jojo. I hope your H comes around. I know that flabbergasted feeling of "BUT WE TALKED ABOUT THIS!" and it is so frustrating. But I am so glad you are standing up for yourself in this way.

[jojoandleo]

jigsy-me too. I feel like I have been kowtowing to him a lot lately because I know I didn't make him a priority for a while and it messed up our marriage. BUT, it now feels like *I* am not a priority. I have to take care of myself, ya know?

[jojoandleo]

Aug 14, 2015 13:12:52 GMT -5 TR said:

Aug 14, 2015 11:33:36 GMT -5 jojoandleo said:

I have two theories:  1-he is terrified of change.  2- he is still unsure about our marriage.  Either way, I think taking the job is the right thing to do.

A third theory would be that, and I think you alluded to this before, he's been secretly hoping that it would be enough money that he wouldn't have to work and now he's pissed that he does. If that's it, hopefully that will wear off and he'll sack up and support you.

Yeah, I think that is a possibility as well.

[lookingup]

I'm glad you're taking the job, jojo. I also wake up with stomach issues every morning due to anxiety with my job, and that shit is miserable. Maybe your H will come around, maybe he won't. But I'm glad you're doing what's best for you.

[katieido]

He's being crazy passive aggressive. Omg. I'm so pissed for you, honestly. I'm with tr, this is a primo setup for future resentments

[gozf]

jojoandleo I'm glad you're taking the job, and I hope your H comes around.