WWYD/would you be pissed?

[Deleted]

One of DH's best friends invited us back in January to go on a beach trip with their family and two other families (we are acquainted with the other families, don't know them well). The deal was we would get a big house and one of the families was bringing along 2 recent college graduate babysitters who would help watch the kids so we could get some "adult" time. The kids would be 10, 5, 3, 11 months, 8 months and 3 months. I was not super excited about going on vacation with people I don't really know, but the babysitters were appealing and I thought it could probably be fun. We sent in half the money as a deposit. Well, now the rest of the money is due. But, come to find out, 2 more families have now been added (they got a bigger house so the cost is the same between all of us) along with another 4 kids (ages 10 months, 2, 3 and 4). Well, now I'm ticked because I won't know 4 of the families, plus now there are 10 kids (most of them babies) and 2 babysitters. That doesn't seem like an adequate ratio to me. Am I wrong for being ticked and WWYD? DH is annoyed too but doesn't really want to make waves...

[thatgirl2478]

I'd be ticked - but it could be fun I guess. I mean, there's an equal chance that you WOULD have something in common vs NOT having anything in common.

I do think they need a few more baby sitters though... 2 college age students for 10 mostly babies is NOT enough. They should consider hiring a few for the nights when you plan to have more 'adult' activities.

[SJ]

I think it would be perfectly reasonable to suggest another 1-2 babysitters to handle the additional 4 kids.

[egishere]

I would be ticked too but more about them adding people you don't know. Will you mainly be going out at night when the babies are going to bed? 10 kids does seem like too many for 2 babysitters to handle.

[SpicedApplePie]

Could a 3rd babysitter be hired? Will be babysitters be watching all of the kids at the same time? With a 3mo, 8mo, and 10mo old, I think there needs to be at least 3 sitters unless the babysitters are just going to watch some kids each night (for example, night 1 couple A and B get the babysitter, night 2 couple C and D get the sitters, ect).

[housegeek]

Well, they should have to give you back some of that money right? And def get 2 more sitters. Sounds like a massive house!

[definitelyO]

annoyed for sure!! you have a core group set and then you should get agreement from EVERYONE to add more people to the mix. it would probably be a deal breaker for DH... I'd be annoyed and vent to DH about it - but would suck it up and go.

[Deleted]

I didn't really want to go, but DH did and since we won't get to go on a vacation alone because of the baby, I gave in. I don't know that hiring another babysitter is an option at this point. I don't think they can get anybody else/know anyone else to come.

[rubytue]

That sounds like my version of hell. One house, 6 families?! So yeah, I'd be pissed and would probably not go. I'd pay my share since they were expecting it, but I wouldn't be happy.

But, I'm not good with that many people sharing space. I need a quiet place to regroup. Though I bet the kids would love it.

[vanillacourage]

I'd be pissed. They should have asked you first before including anyone else, especially since you already paid money and especially since these other kids are going to be drawing the babysitters' attention away from your child.

Is it too late to back out?

[ECB]

For many many years I've done a huge group trip w/ a group of college friends to the beach. One huge house. Last year was about 16 adults and 7 kids.

On many levels, love the trip. On many levels, kind of glad we aren't going this year. W/ so many people and so many KIDS - it's really not a super stress-free, relaxing trip.

There is always some tension, frustration, etc- you can't avoid it w/ SO many people in such a small space. And this was w/ people I know well and love and can, to a degree, roll my eyes at and walk off.

Then 10 kids?!?!?!?! Boy oh boy. People can turn into freaks when it comes to their kids. If their room is below the main area, expect them to freak out if people walk too loudly over their bedroom while their kid is sleeping, and people being on top of one another about each others kids, sharing toys, food, etc.

No way can 2 sitters really watch all those kids. ANd as such- how exactly do you all divide up the sitter use? ANd what time is downtime for the sitters? Etc.

You are in a fishbowl. Even though you're at the beach and there is outdoor space- you are still in a fishbowl.

I love the trip because we've done it since 1998 and we started out w/ 7 people and no kids. It's grown over the years as we've grown, and I think we've learned many lessons that have allowed us to make it as enjoyable as a trip as possible. But I think everyone is kind of ready to take a break from it for awhile because it's too big w/ too many kids.

[ECB]

And to make it more petty- all the bedrooms will be different sizes. Some will be big w/ their own bedroom, others will be a lot smaller w/ a shared bath. How are they assigned?

In our group- because we've gone so much, we kind of divided the rooms based on size of the family, need, who got what the year before, etc. Tried to move people around over the years so that it felt fair.

But w/ a group of people yout don't know? I absolutely expect that someone stuck w/ a small room will be pissy that they didn't get a big room and as such, will want to pay less $$.

[Deleted]

Original scenario was already a bad dream. Current scenario is a veritable nightmare.

[ssmjlm]

Wow, that was pretty ballsy of them to just invite more families and kids, not let you guys know and not get additional babysitters.

As ECB said, beach trips can be fun, but I can't imagine going in a big group b/c people can be super petty. Friends of ours did a big trip and they said it was such a PITA with coordinating just food, meals, rooms, etc.

[slug*bug]

I wouldn't do well on that trip...even if it WAS with people I knew well: waaay too many kids (and people) in one house. Period.

We used to do big group trips (before kids) and while they were fun, there were always some hurt feelings/toes stepped on either during the planning or the trip itself: it was just part of traveling with so many people. But that's way, way too many people for me.

[Deleted]

May 16, 2012 16:16:43 GMT -5 @misoangry said:

Original scenario was already a bad dream. Current scenario is a veritable nightmare.

I know I don't know if we should bother saying anything or just forget it. I don't think it would change anything at this point...

[sunny]

I am not a big group person, so adding 2 more families I don't know would put me out of my comfort zone and make me stabby. That said, if you are in you are in and I would just try to make the best of it. When I'm not happy with a situation like this, I call it an "adventure."

As for the sitters, if they don't find anyone else, I would assume the parents who do care will simply not go out as much while those who are willing to take the chance will leave all 5000 of their kids with these sitters.

Sorry

[barefootcontessa]

May 16, 2012 15:48:57 GMT -5 @lilly said:

I didn't really want to go, but DH did and since we won't get to go on a vacation alone because of the baby, I gave in. I don't know that hiring another babysitter is an option at this point. I don't think they can get anybody else/know anyone else to come.

Maybe you can suggest the adults rotate and take a night to assist the sitters? This is not my kind of vacation either so I get why you are irritated. Why can't you go on a vacation with just your DH and baby?

[Deleted]

May 16, 2012 16:25:25 GMT -5 barefootcontessa said:

May 16, 2012 15:48:57 GMT -5 @lilly said:

I didn't really want to go, but DH did and since we won't get to go on a vacation alone because of the baby, I gave in. I don't know that hiring another babysitter is an option at this point. I don't think they can get anybody else/know anyone else to come.

Maybe you can suggest the adults rotate and take a night to assist the sitters? This is not my kind of vacation either so I get why you are irritated. Why can't you go on a vacation with just your DH and baby?

Yeah, I told DH that the only way we'd be going out without the baby was if we switched off (which sucks) and some people stayed home. DH and I could go on vacation with the baby, I meant we wouldn't be going anywhere just DH and I and I figured this would be a way we could get at least a little alone time. Sigh.

[Deleted]

This would tick me off and I would probably back out of the vacation. Then again I am always the bitchy one.

[vanillacourage]

May 16, 2012 16:25:13 GMT -5 sunny said:

As for the sitters, if they don't find anyone else, I would assume the parents who do care will simply not go out as much while those who are willing to take the chance will leave all 5000 of their kids with these sitters.

Yes, and bet you cash money the sitters get overwhelmed and need the other parents' to pitch in and watch the kids on those nights.

::shudder::

Erm, sorry Lily, I really should be more positive if you've made up your mind to go no matter what...

[kimibrighteyes]

This sounds like a nightmare. I suggest that the next vacation, you bring along your own babysitter so that you and DH can have some alone time together.

[dexteroni]

Ugh. That sounds awful. I would want to back out too. Do you have a nanny? Can you bring her along?

[Deleted]

I would back out of the trip. That sounds crazy!

[me2012]

I would be mad. So mad. But if you are stuck in the trip and can't/won't get out of it, I think you have to schedule the hell out of it. Everyone needs to know exactly what they are responsible for - in terms of food buying, meal prep chores, who gets what room, babysitter schedule (no way in hell should the babysitters have all those kids at one time unless somehow they are preschool teachers in their real life or something lol). Probably my least favorite college experiences were trips with "large groups". 3-5 friends. Awesome. 8-12. Nightmare. I remember going with a huge group to a friend's amazing beachhouse. A guy we were with was an aspiring chef so he cooked us all a gourmet meal using every pot in the kitchen that of course couldn't be put in the dishwasher. I didn't want the host or chef to end up stuck in the kitchen so I started doing the dishes and ended up doing them by myself. I was SO SO pissed that I was doing it all by myself while everyone was getting drunk and hooking up that I ended up getting trashed and making an a@# out of myself lol. Chore charts are you friends!

[casmgn]

Unless your DH still really wants to go, I'd back out by saying that you were looking for a lower key vacation this year, and with all the additional people you'll need to back out with your deposit returned.