Monday Randoms

[jojoandleo]

LOL. I am childless, therefore can have no opinion. Never mind the fact that I have had two step-fathers and one step-mother along with meeting a few of my parents SOs in between (two GFs with my dad and one BF with my mom). You are right, I have NO IDEA how children handle these things and therefore can have no valid opinions on the weirdness of this whole thing. Never mind the fact that my mother married a man who I didn't really get along with and all the issues that caused. Never mind the fact that she has said if she had slowed down and noticed our interactions she never would have married him. Nope, my barren womb makes me unfit to give advice.

I get you are defensive, I do. And I get part of that is because a lot of us are not fond of him. But this has nothing to do with him. As a child of divorce, it is HURTFUL when it seems like your parent has a completely separate life outside of you that you are not involved in. He has a relationship where he has discussed moving in and THEY DO NOT KNOW YOU EXIST. I could not imagine my parent moving in with someone without me EVER meeting them. EVER. It would make me feel like my parent did not care about me being involved in his life with his SO. I am not looking at this from the perspective of a parent. I am looking at this from the perspective of a CHILD-which is what you two should be doing rather than rushing to play house so this full grown adult can have a home.

[Deleted]

I'm just gonna ditto everything jojoandleo has said.

[jojoandleo]

Aug 19, 2015 11:35:55 GMT -5 RamblingRose said:

LO freaking L. You know what, I agree with you. GBCN as a whole can focus on the negative. But seriously? You all have been dating long enough to move in together, you should definitely have met the kids. You should have met the kids before moving in became a DISCUSSION. I cannot imagine a parent wanting to move in with someone who they have never seen interact with the kids. That is an important part of a relationship for parents! You know that and are ignoring it because you are defensive here. 

You have NO IDEA how these kids are. What issues they may have. How they may feel about YOU. NONE! And you are moving in with their dad. You DON'T find that strange?  You think this is us looking for negative?  No.  As a child of divorce, I am thinking about the kids here.  And how hurtful it would be to hear my dad moved in with a woman I didn't even know existed.  How hurt I would be that he did not seem to even care if this woman liked me or I liked her.  Like, he is moving on with his life WITHOUT ME.  That would suck.  Is that how these kids will react?  I don't know, I don't know them.  Hence why I would think it important to meet them BEFORE moving in.

As for the meeting kids thing-people get flamed when they introduce after a month or so of dating.  After a YEAR!?!  No.  I am surprised it went longer than six months.  I am not a parent, but if I was, I would never get serious with someone who had not met my kids.  I would not introduce my kids until I knew there was the POTENTIAL for serious, though.

[jigsy]

Do these kids even realize that there is no chance for mom and dad getting back together? The way it's set up sure seems likes these kids will have that hope. Dad has never even really moved out.

[doriswe]

I will say this, my DS is 11. I think it would be incredibly confusing for him, if he didn't know his dad's actual home's location. I get he goes to them for visitation but they're old enough where people might ask and they'd need to provide that info (schools/friends/church/whatever).

[doriswe]

Aug 19, 2015 18:01:31 GMT -5 RamblingRose said:

Aug 19, 2015 14:07:47 GMT -5 doriswe said:

I will say this, my DS is 11. I think it would be incredibly confusing for him, if he didn't know his dad's actual home's location. I get he goes to them for visitation but they're old enough where people might ask and they'd need to provide that info (schools/friends/church/whatever).

Once he moves in, he will share the address with them. He isn't going to be hiding here, just living. I agree that not knowing would be awkward and seem sketchy. 

sorry, wasn't insinuating you weren't going to share the address with them. I meant the last year the kids had no "forwarding" address for dad, kwim?