Frustrating day/night

[glitzyglow]

Today I returned a ton of stuff that I ordered online that didn't fit. I need clothes for my trip and it's so freaking hard for me to find clothes that fit my body. I spent a few hours trying on stuff and I came out with 1 plain navy tank top. A first world problem indeed, but man it's so defeating to not fit into anything because of my chest (38F).

I came home feeling kind of sulky. I was making dinner when I received a text from my mother. (Quick background: My mother and I do not have a good relationship. I tolerate her at best. She was not a good mother growing up, at all.) Her text said that her therapist asked her how certain incidents changed her and how her children would say that she's changed. She asked us to email her therapist how the said incidents changed our mother. This is such a trigger for me because my mother a) is a compulsive liar b) thrives on her own victimization to the point that she's isn't willing to admit that she hurt her children. The real answer to how these incidents changed my mother is that she turned into an alcoholic who both emotionally and physically abused me while neglecting her 3 other children, and after a few years she shifted into a perpetual victim who only comes out of her bedroom to seek drugs for her made-up pain. She might be around but she's been absent for over 14 years. But if I said that she would say I was lying and then cry about how everyone is so mean to her. And we do this fucking song and dance with every new therapist. I called her therapist once a few years ago and begged her to get my mother help after my sisters found my mother drugged out of her mind crawling around the house...she was taken to the ER for an overdose. But according to my mother, my sisters were just being dramatic, yet they are traumatized by what they saw, but naturally, "they just want to see the worst of" my mother all the time. This text just set me off emotionally. So much so I totally forgot about an event I really wanted to go to tonight and totally spaced because I was rattled by this fucking text and my mother. Damn it.

PDQ. I'm also feeling lonely as of late and this is one of those moments that it would be really nice to have a shoulder to cry on, so I think that feeling is also exacerbating my reaction tonight.

[karenj]

I am sorry about your mother. I think you should text the therapist exactly what you wrote here.

I also am sorry about the boobs. LOL I know what you mean.

[pantsoffdanceoff]

I understand your boob frustration.

I'm sorry about your mom. I agree with PP who said that you should tell the therapist everything you said here.

[sweetchix]

I'm sorry glitzy, that was really sucky of your mom. (((hugs)))

[bg]

I'm sorry. I hope you have a better day today!

[winecat]

I'm so sorry about your mom. I wish I had some wise words to help. Vent to us as much as you need to.

[cuddlyevil]

{{{HUG}}}

I'm sorry about your Mom. Be honest with the therapist, tell them everything you said here.

[bl]

I am sorry about your mom. I don't speak to my father for somewhat similar, but still different reasons. He doesn't have my number and while every once in a while I wonder if I will feel like I never got closure when he passes, I still feel no contact is the way to go for me. It could help to just email the therapist everything you said here and then ask them to not contact you again once you've said your peace. Hugs and feel free to vent whenever you need to.