Worried about DH - super high functioning alcoholic?

[marina007]

First post here. Full disclosure. I know I am being unconfrontational - am trying to deal with that.

Basically - I am nervous about DH. He has always been big on wine (he collects, and researches - basically his hobby) but in the past 6 months there has not been a single day where he has not had at least one alcoholic drink.

He very rarely gets drunk, but has on average a half bottle of wine every night, maybe a full one on Friday/Saturday.

He is rarely hung over, doesn't drink and drive, has a very demanding and successful career, but his parents both drink alcohol daily, and his brother has a past (10 years ago) as a heroin addict.

He is definitely a lot grumpier until he has his first glass of wine after work.

Anyway. Brain dump. Would you be concerned? After I had kids (dd 22 months and ds 3 months) I hardly ever drink due to pregnancy or nursing - or I'll have a small glass or two occasionally but never more bc I want to have a clear head in case something was to happen.

I think I am asking bc I am concerned. But at the same time it doesn't really seem to be impacting his life very negatively? Apart from the fact that I feel like he definitely "needs" it.

And I know I have to talk to him about it. I think I' nervous bc I'm 90% sure he'd get super defensive about it and make me feel crazy.

[flex]

A person can be a "heavy" drinker and not be an alcoholic. If it starts to affect your relationship or his job productivity, there could be a potential problem, but personally I wouldn't be concerned at this point in time.

I view a heavy drinker like someone who has a plate of fudge every night. It's not necessarily a food addiction--just kind of an unhealthy habit. Make sense?

[malibu]

I don't see from your OP that your H has some of the classic symptoms like hiding, lying, problems with job/family that would make me think he's an alcoholic. The only point in which I'm not sure is the fact that he's grumpy before a glass of wine. Does he have any issues with depression or anxiety that aren't being treated? If so, I would begin to wonder if he was attempting to self-medicate. If this is the case, I would recommend asking him to see his PCP and get referred to a therapist, and possibly medication.

[lovelovelove]

Are you concerned about his ability to help you parent? I totally know the feeling of having to be the one with my wits about me and when h was drinking I was so resentful. If that's an issue for you, I'd definitely suggest talking about it with him.

[marina007]

Aug 18, 2015 10:57:40 GMT -5 flex said:

A person can be a "heavy" drinker and not be an alcoholic. If it starts to affect your relationship or his job productivity, there could be a potential problem, but personally I wouldn't be concerned at this point in time.

I view a heavy drinker like someone who has a plate of fudge every night. It's not necessarily a food addiction--just kind of an unhealthy habit. Make sense?

Thank you for this. I feel like this resonates - along with the pp who mentioned that I feel like I have to be the one who "has her wits" at all times wrt in case something was to happen with the kids.

I really appreciate the insights - I don't think he's necessarily self medicating but definitely uses as stress relief.